Nurse to Forever Mom

“I hope so.” He kicked sand over the fire, putting it out and filling the hole.

They walked in the direction of the house. “I know this is none of my business...” Stacey glanced over her shoulder to judge his reaction to her next words “...but I can’t help wondering what happened with their mother.”

* * *

Cody wasn’t surprised Stacey had asked about Rachael. If he had learned anything in the last week it was that Stacey was forthright. She wouldn’t go behind his back and ask others about his life. When there was something she wanted to know she would go to the source and she didn’t beat around the bush.

That didn’t mean he wanted to talk about Rachael. The subject still left him feeling sick and unsure. Guilt nagged at him when he thought of her. Still, there was something about Stacey that made him want to confide in her. Wanted her to understand him. Why he was the way he was.

“My ex-wife and I were college sweethearts. We had planned the perfect life together. She’d take care of the home and children and I would be a great surgeon. Give my children what I’d had as a child. A secure home with two parents who loved them. During our senior year she was in a horrible car crash that damaged her ankle and foot. After the initial surgery she went through physical therapy but was still in a lot of pain. There were more surgeries but she finally began to recover. At the end of my med-school years, she walked down the aisle on our wedding day without a limp and I believed that our world had righted itself.”

He hated to voice this next part out loud. The misery of that time strangled him. “But for a long time she hid a huge secret. She was addicted to painkillers.”

Stacey sucked in a breath. She stopped walking and faced him. “She must have hidden it well.”

“She was a functional addict. Jean had already come along when I found out. I got Rachael help and I thought things were better. By the time I found out differently, Lizzy was on the way.” He hesitated, the memories making him feel momentarily queasy. “During my residency I was working twenty-four and sometimes forty-eight hours straight. I couldn’t keep an eye on her all the time. Mother helped out but it was still hard. What really brought things to a head was when I found a prescription pad missing. Rachael denied she took it but I know she did.”

“Oh, Cody, what a nightmare.”

He nodded his gratitude skyward, only to focus on Stacey’s compassionate face. “Yeah, and I had this perfect life all planned out. Nothing about that time was perfect. My career was on the line. My marriage was dying a painful death and my girls needed at least one good parent. Rachael was crying out for help I couldn’t give her.”

“What about rehab?”

“Oh, she would break her heart, swearing she would stop, then go to rehab but check herself out early. That happened more than once. It took me over a year of documentation and being overseen by strangers to get full custody of the girls. A few months after that happened, Alex and I met and shared our woes. You know the rest of that story.”

Stacey put a hand on his forearm. Thankfully there was no pity in her words when she said, “I’m sorry. I had no idea. I shouldn’t have pried.”

For some reason it had felt good to tell her. Outside his parents and Alex he’d never discussed what he’d been through. Maybe it was knowing Stacey would only be around for a short period of time that had made the difference. She was here, he had spilled his ugly secret and she would carry it off with her to Ethiopia in a few weeks. Whatever the reason, it felt good to give voice to it. His shoulders felt lighter than they had been in years. He could take a breath.

“Do the girls ever see their mom?”

Cody moved toward the house again. “No. She’s in California somewhere. Not even her parents are sure where she is.”

“Oh.” Stacey slowly followed.

“You can tell Jean has some memory of her. Lizzy doesn’t. After I got custody we moved here for a new start. Jean is working through her issues with a help of a therapist. Soon she’ll be old enough to fully understand about her mother.”

“I’m sure you’ll do the right thing when the time comes.”

“Don’t give me credit where it isn’t due. I failed my wife and my girls for a time.”

“But you’re making it up to them.” She continued up the path and climbed the porch steps before she looked back at him. “You’re an okay guy, Dr. Brennan.”

Cody joined her.

She patted his shoulder. “You’re a good dad. You do what you can to give them a nice safe life. They’re happy, sweet girls.”