How to Keep a Secret

She stared at him. “I don’t understand.”

“I’m the boss. I own the b

usiness. Joshua sold it to me a long time ago.”

“You own it? But what about Charlie?”

“Charlie didn’t want the responsibility.”

“But neither do you!” She was confused. None of it made sense.

His jaw tightened. “You don’t know what I want. You haven’t asked me.”

“But if that’s true, why didn’t you say something before now?”

“I don’t know. I don’t find these things easy to talk about. I guess I was hoping you’d see it for yourself.”

She’d been blind. Self-absorbed. “You sailed round the world—”

“You left,” he said flatly. “It seemed like the best option at the time.”

She couldn’t breathe. “Are you saying you sailed round the world because of me?”

“Being here without you drove me crazy. And sailing was always what I did to escape from problems.” He gave a humorless smile. “Except that in this case I was the problem, so I took it right along with me. Maybe I should have thrown myself overboard.”

She didn’t laugh. How could she have gotten it so wrong? “So you came back?”

“Having no roots didn’t seem to work, so I thought I’d try something different. Living on the boat was my compromise. I slept at sea and worked on land. The only thing I knew was boats so I figured that was what I should do. Joshua let me use the boatyard, and I built a racing yacht. She was fast. Sold her to some guy from California with more money than sense. Then I built another one. When I wasn’t busy, I helped out at the boatyard. And then Joshua had his first stroke. Charlie spent most of his time with his mother or at the hospital. I took over the boatyard for him until he was back on his feet, but when he recovered enough to make the decision, he decided he was done with it. He asked me to take over.”

She was stunned. How could she not have known this? “The business is doing well?”

“Yes. We have workboats, trucks and a couple of hydraulic trailers. We have customers on the cape and the islands. It’s not easy finding and keeping skilled staff, but we’ve managed it. And living on the water, my outgoings have been low. So, I’ll say this again—let me give you the money. If it makes you feel better we can call it child support. You’ve raised our daughter for the last sixteen years with no help from me.”

Our daughter.

“She wasn’t your responsibility.”

“She should have been.” His tone was rough. “I had no trouble walking away from relationships, Lauren. It was something I was good at. I didn’t have any regrets either. Until I walked away from you.”

It felt as if there was a lump in her chest. “Scott—”

“I can’t fix what happened in the past, but I can fix this. Say yes, Laurie. You’re smart. Smart people know when to accept help.” He breathed deeply. “Take the money.”

“I—can’t. It doesn’t feel right.”

He swore under his breath. “You were mad at me for not stepping up, and I don’t blame you for that. But now I am stepping up and you won’t you let me. I should have done this years ago, I know that. That day on the beach when you told me you were pregnant I should have kissed you and put a ring on your finger the way he did. I should have been the one to give you that safety and security. I should have been there for you, but I wasn’t and I have to live with the knowledge that I messed up badly. And I paid the price for that decision, every time I thought of you with Ed. Laughing with Ed.” His voice thickened and his hand curled into a fist. “Sharing secrets with Ed. Sharing our daughter with Ed.” The way he said it made it sound as if he was chewing on ground glass. “I’ve learned to live with that, but what I can’t live with is the knowledge that you’re struggling now and you won’t let me help you.”

“You thought about me with Ed?”

“Every damn day.” He turned to her. “You think I sailed into the sunset and forgot about you? It didn’t matter where I was, you were still there with me along with the knowledge that I screwed up the most important decision of my life.”

She couldn’t breathe. “Scott—”

He reached out and slid his hand behind her head. “Nothing is going to erase the guilt I feel for not being there for you then, but at least let me do this for you now.” His voice was raw pain and she looked into his eyes, as rocked by emotion as he was.

Life with Ed had been simple and easy. If she’d had to find a word to describe their marriage she would have said content. There was none of the wild seesawing of feelings she experienced with Scott. None of the highs, but none of the lows either.

“I didn’t know,” she said. “I assumed—”