Another

Ian: Three more days.

This trip was making me question my sanity because I had to be insane with how much my body flushed with happiness when I saw Ian’s messages pop up on my phone each day. I had to be insane with how much I sat around waiting to hear from him and wondering what we’d talk about.

I had to be insane because three days felt like an eternity, and I wanted him home now. These past nine days have dragged on, making me realize how much I missed him. Me missing Ian. I never thought that was an emotion I’d feel when it came to him. Maybe it was because I was just lonely. I’d been out of work for almost six weeks now, only coming on for a few consulting jobs that didn’t require much of my time or to leave Audrey.

But even that sounded like a false reason since I’d spent more time at my aunts’ houses than I had all month. I didn’t lack adult interaction.

I thought back to how hard I laughed dancing around the kitchen with Ian and the fluttering in my belly kicked up. When was the last time I’d laughed so hard? When was the last time I’d had that light floaty feeling of happiness?

The day I had Audrey stood at the forefront of my mind, but Ian was there too, holding my hand and sharing the moment with me.

Somehow over these past two months, despite how hard I tried to fight him off, he’d ingratiated himself in my life, and this pang of missing him reinforces how close to the edge of falling I’d come.

That thought brought a new wave of adrenaline that felt a lot like fear. What if I was setting myself up for failure again? What if I was falling into what was easy and all of it meant nothing?

My phone vibrating pulled me out of my head, and when I saw Ian’s name on the screen, I rushed to pick up.

“She’s napping,” I greeted, already smiling.

“Well, it’s a good thing I called to talk to you.”

His deep voice rumbled across the line and shot straight to my core. “Did you need to ask me something?”

“Can’t a man just call his baby-mama and say hello?”

“I cringe every time you call me that.”

“It’s true though.”

“All right, sperm donor,” I deadpanned.

“At your service, whenever you need me.”

I couldn’t hold back my laugh no matter how much I tried to keep it in.

“What are you up to?”

“Watching a movie?”

“Porn? Please say porn?”

Another laugh. “No, but I did find your stash. Quite a collection there.”

If I expected him to be embarrassed, I would have been disappointed. “Man, you dug in the back-back of my movie collection. That stuff is from my teen years. Now, I just use the internet.”

“I shudder at your search history.”

“Oh, you know exactly what I like.”

His voice was soft and seductive, pulling me into memories of our date. Heat infused my cheeks, and I struggled to keep my breathing even. This conversation was taking a turn, and the fact that the thought of falling into phone sex with Ian didn’t completely turn me off, had me forcing the topic change.

“I found Monty Python and the Holy Grail.”

“Good choice. I haven’t seen it in forever. Maybe we can watch it when I get home.”

Home. Each time he called the place we lived together home, I melted and took a few more steps toward that cliff.

“Yeah,” I answered breathlessly. “What are you doing up so late?”

“Dinner ran long.”

“Who’d you meet with?”

“The main foreman and his daughter. Apparently, she’s in town for a photoshoot, and he asked if she could come. I figured why not.”

Because who would turn down dinner with a model? That was what I wanted to say; instead, I went with a much more eloquent answer. “Oh.”

“Yeah, it went well.”

“Good.”

“I can’t wait to get back home to my girls.”

And just like that, the sinking feeling of imagining him with some model vanished.

“We can’t wait to see you too.”

“I miss you.”

And unlike the time when I dropped him off at the airport, I didn’t hesitate to say it back. “I miss you too.”

“I’ll call you tomorrow. Maybe we can FaceTime?”

“Yeah, Audrey will like that.”

I didn’t have to say it for both of us to hear that I would like it too.

And that thought brought me a little bit closer to the edge again, both terrifying and exhilarating me.

Ian

Day Ten:

Ian: Chinese or Mexican?

Carina: What?

Ian: Which do you want for dinner?

Carina: What????

Ian: …

Ian: You took too long. I chose Mexican.

I slid my key into the lock and opened the door just as my phone vibrated in my pocket. Carina’s head jerked up from where she stood in the middle of the room, a confused look scrunching her face. When she took me in standing there, her look changed to something else.