Voyeur

Because I still loved him. No amount of pain was taking that away.

Wetness escaped my closed lids despite how hard I tried to hold it back. They turned to full sobs when his thumb came out to swipe at my cheeks. My chest shook, and I leaned into his palm, finding a false comfort in his hands on me again. Even if it meant nothing, I’d missed his touch. I missed him so fucking much.

My eyes were still closed when I felt his heat inches from me, when I felt his breath on my wet cheeks.

“I’m so sorry, Oaklyn. So fucking sorry.”

Turning my head, I held his hand to me and kissed his palm. Taking the final step to connect us, I finally opened my eyes and looked up into his. We stood like that, his hand on my cheek, my hand on his, staring at each other, cherishing the small moment of connection even if it was all a lie.

I could have stayed in the room forever if it meant he was by my side.

He leaned down, and I met him halfway, pressing my lips to his. We didn’t go any further, just pressing as close as we could, trying to make it last.

But all too soon, he pulled back and whispered, “I’m so sorry.”

Then he walked out, leaving me again crying alone in a room.

I almost missed my phone vibrating in my pocket but pulled it out to see my advisor had sent an email.

Miss Derringer,

Congratulations! You received the internship with the sports therapy team. Let’s set up a meeting later next week to discuss the details.

Dr. Denly

My first inclination was to run to Callum, to throw myself in his arms and celebrate, but with my hand on the doorknob, I stopped, the truth of our situation hitting me all over again.

I couldn’t help but remember the morning after we’d slept together, when I’d had my interview. I remembered how I’d thought we’d celebrate together. How wrong I’d been. How different it was than anything I’d ever pictured.

Maybe I should have told him my plans, told him I had a light at the end of the tunnel.

However right then, it all felt too late. Like nothing was ever going to make a difference and bring us back together.

Instead, I pulled up Oliva’s name on my phone and messaged her. I needed to do something to keep me from falling at Callum’s feet and asking him to hang on a little longer.

Me: I got the internship. Can I come over?

Olivia: OMG! That is amazing! Yes, come over and we can celebrate. I have some dranks stashed in my room.

I finished up what I was doing and told Donna I wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t run the chance of running into Callum again. The shining sun almost mocked my dark mood as I made my way across campus. Spring break was only a couple weeks away, but the nice weather was already starting. Had Callum and I already run our course in three short months?

Olivia opened her door and threw her arms around me.

“Oh, my god. Oh, my god. You did it! I knew you would,” she squealed rocking us back and forth. Her excited shouts died as fast as they came when she pulled back to see my eyes filling with tears. “Oh, my god. Oaklyn.” She gripped my hands in hers and tugged me into her room. The slam of the door behind us broke the wall holding back my emotions and I crumbled. All the tears I’d been holding back poured out. “What’s wrong? What happened?”

“I’ve messed up, Oliva,” I said, sitting on the bed next to her.

“Is it Voyeur?” Her back went ramrod straight, ready to go to battle for me. “Did something happen? Do we need to call Uncle Daniel?”

“No. No. Nothing like that.” I wiped at my eyes and took deep breaths, hoping she would forgive me keeping secrets from her. “I—I have to tell you something.”

“Okay.”

“I’ve um . . . I slicked my tongue across my lips and stared down at my fidgeting fingers. “I’ve been in a sort of relationship with Callum. Dr. Pierce.”

Olivia didn’t speak, and I was too damn scared to look up and see the judgement in her eyes. Hearing it out loud made it seem all the more real, which led to it being all the more painful since it was over. I took a deep breath to help control the panic that grew, taking up too much space, the longer her silence lasted.

“You lucky bitch,” she finally said.

I jerked my head up, my eyes wide. Not at all prepared for that response. “What?”

Her lips tipped up in a smirk. “If you’re looking for a reprimand, it’s not going to come from me. That man is sexy as sin, and if he even showed a little interest, I’d probably have a sexual harassment suit against me.”