If I Let You Go

Chapter 1

“Tilly, shift it!”

All around me, parents waited idly for their little ones to file out of the school gates, but I didn’t have time to hang around. Tilly’s blonde ponytail bounced around as she ran towards me, her book bag bumping against her side. I couldn’t help but smile. The bag was almost as big as her and she struggled to keep it on her shoulder as her little legs scurried closer.

When she reached me, she gave a dramatic sigh. “It’s been a very long day, Madison.”

Anyone would think she’d just done a twelve hour shift at McDonald’s, not a day at school.

Five years old, going on thirty.

Taking her bag from her, I opened the back door of my car so she could climb in. “I know, sweetie. And I want to hear all about it, but let’s get moving first.”

The drive home wasn’t too far, but I couldn’t relax until we got back to the apartment and I’d finished the last couple of daily chores. Dominic hadn’t been home in three weeks, and as a rule, I liked to have everything tidy for his return. He didn’t pay any attention to the occasional unwashed plate, and I wasn’t usually so anal about it, but he’d never been away for so long before. I figured he’d want to relax after his business trip, and I fully intended to make something decent for him to eat … if I could get it together in time. Technically, my job description didn’t include cooking for him. I was Tilly’s live-in nanny, not his. Even so, he needed to eat.

Hearing Tilly’s chatter about her day helped calm me down. Her tales of how she and her friends had made up a new game at playtime, and how the teacher had praised her reading put a smile on my face.

“Madison, are we going shopping again tomorrow?”

“You might be,” I answered. “With Daddy. I’m going to spend the weekend with Erica.”

In the rear view mirror, I saw Tilly’s face fall. “All weekend?”

“Yeah, but that’s good! It means you get lots of time with your dad to do fun things!”

“I like doing fun things with you,” she said. “Remember when we went to the cinema and I accidentally dropped my popcorn over that man’s head?”

A wicked giggle erupted from her mouth, making me laugh. The sight of popcorn tangled in his wild curls, and the way he’d whipped his head around, sending the little golden nuggets flying all over the place had firmly implanted itself in my memory.

“I remember,” I told her. “And it was fun, but you know you’ll have a good time with your dad. You always do.”

My mind flicked from fun, to the continued panic about not having everything perfect for Dominic’s return when we got back to the apartment. Once inside, I told Tilly to change out of her school uniform while I went to get the vacuum from the cupboard in the kitchen. Dominic had actually offered to hire outside help to get the cleaning done, but I already felt like I didn’t do enough for what I got out of the deal, so I insisted on doing the housework myself. What else was I supposed to do all day? The idea of having a cleaner buzzing around while I sat on my arse watching Jeremy Kyle was ridiculous.

The smell of coffee filled my nostrils as I walked down the hall, and my heart lurched.

I haven’t had coffee today.

At the breakfast bar of his modern black and white kitchen, Dominic Hartley sat, coffee mug in hand. He never wasted any time getting out of his business suit and into jeans and a t-shirt when he got home. His thick blond hair was product free, and a little damp from the shower. He smiled as I entered the room.

“Hi Madison.”

“Hi,” I answered, placing my bag down on one of the shiny counters. “Welcome back.”

“Thanks. It’s good to be home. Where’s Tilly?”

“She’s just getting changed. How long have you been home?”

“About half an hour. I caught an earlier flight. I thought we could all go out for dinner tonight.”

Dominic’s first night back usually consisted of him eating whatever I’d whipped up for him, then going to bed early to sleep off some of his jetlag, resulting in me reading Tilly her bedtime story. Just like most other nights.

“I can’t tonight,” I said. “I’m going out, remember?”

“Completely forgot. But you’ll be back tomorrow, won’t you?”

“I’ll be back on Sunday, like I told you.”

Geez, I know he works hard, but you’d think he’d remember where his one staff member will be on the few days he’s at home.

A light seemed to flick on in his head, his blue eyes filling with the recollection. “You’re going to spend the weekend with your friend. I was really hoping we could go out tonight. There’s something I need to talk to you and Tilly about.”

Oh good. Another increase in my working hours. Yup, that news can definitely wait until I’ve blown off some steam at a nightclub, and drank my body weight in vodka.

“It’ll have to wait,” I told him. “I’ve already made plans, and I’ve been waiting for this weekend for a long time.”

“I understand. But this is important, Madison.”

I hated it when he addressed me like a client. I may have been his employee, but when I first took the job, I used to be a part of the family. It seemed the more business trips he went on, the more detached he became from his home life. In the past year, he’d been at home less and less. Two nights away became three and four, then he was only at home for weekends. The last four months saw him away two weeks at a time, and his three week trip to New York had been extra rough for both me and Tilly. I got the distinct impression, things were about to get harder.

“My sanity is important too,” I said. “So please don’t take this weekend away from me. Please.”

Eventually he nodded. “Okay. You’re right. Go. Have a good time.”

Before I could thank him, I heard Tilly’s feet padding along the carpet. “Madison, I can’t find my-”

Tilly’s sentence cut short as she noticed her father, her face breaking into a huge grin. She launched herself across the room, where Dominic scooped her into his arms and squeezed her tightly. “There’s my girl,” he said, kissing her cheek. “Had a good day?”

She nodded enthusiastically and my heart melted a little at seeing the two of them together again. She wrapped her arms around his neck, and he said, “I missed you so much, baby girl!”

Tilly gave him a withering stare. “I’m not a baby.”

Dominic laughed. “I know, you’re not. But you’ll always be my baby girl.”

“Silly Daddy.”

Whatever Tilly couldn’t find quickly got forgotten as she set about telling Dominic all the things she’d done since he’d been gone.

I left them to it and vacuumed the apartment, as planned. Forty minutes later – yes, the rooms were huge – I hopped in the shower, dried my hair, then carefully selected enough clothes for two days, plus some killer outfits for my nights out.

My insides began to buzz with excitement as I thought about slipping into something completely impractical instead of my sensible day clothes.

I was almost ready to go when Dominic knocked on my open b

edroom door.

“What time are you leaving?” he asked, as I checked over the contents of my bag one more time.

He’s really not going to let this go, is he?

“Any time now,” I told him. “Erica and I plan to eat out before we hit the clubs.”

“I’ll order a takeaway. I’ll drive you to Erica’s. Please can you just stay a bit longer so I can talk to you? Tilly’s watching a DVD so she’s settled for a while, and this can’t wait.”