Love Game
“No, it’s not that. Keanu can’t come with me. Australia requires a bunch of paperwork to fly with him. One hundred and eighty days’ notice for the rabies bloodwork to clear.”
I stared. “So…what does that mean? You’re not coming with me? You’re not coming to the match?”
She bit her lip. “I want to, Kai. Of course, I do but…”
“But what? You can’t bring your dog, so you won’t go?”
She flinched at the bite in my words and stepped back. All of the good feelings and lightness fled, replaced by the venom that came so easily when even the smallest threat of being hurt nipped at my subconscious.
“It’s not that simple,” she said. “I need him.”
“I need you. What, am I not enough for you? You’re not safe with me?”
“It’s not a decision I can make. PTSD doesn’t work like that—”
“Who cares?” I snapped, feeling like a man possessed; watching from a distance as some arsehole said these horrible things to the woman he cared about.
“Who cares?” Daisy cried. “Did you really just say that to me?”
I sucked in a breath, striving to remain calm. “I’m sorry. That’s not what I meant. But I’m working to be a better man. For you. But you’re not even going to try?”
“I am trying—”
“Not hard enough.”
“Because it’s just that simple?” Daisy said tearfully. “All I needed was the love of a good man to cure me? You think you just fixed all my problems with your magical dick? Sorry to break it to you, but trauma isn’t cured that way.”
“Magical dick? We haven’t even slept together,” I retorted. “And I don’t expect that you’d be cured. But I did expect that you would make an effort.”
“I’m trying,” she said. “But just thinking of being without Keanu at my side during the day is bad enough. I can’t sleep alone. And if I sleep with you and a night terror comes? What then?”
Her incredible eyes were alit with genuine fear. The night of the break-in was right there, on the surface, and my anger melted away, leaving only how much I cared about her. Above all else, I wanted her to be okay. Happy. She deserved that.
“I’ll help you through it.” I moved closer to her, my voice softer. “Daisy, I’ll help you through it. I want to help you…”
She shook her head, tears filling her eyes. “I don’t want to chance it, for your sake. They’re bad, Kai. Really bad. You need sleep. Rest. You need to play your best. You don’t need to be dealing with my crap in the middle of the night during the most important tournament of your life.”
“It’s not important—”
“It is. It’s where you show the world what you can do without all the pain and anger getting in the way. You don’t need me for that either. I didn’t cure you. I’m not your good luck charm. Play because it’s already in you. It has nothing to do with me.”
“It has everything to do with you.” I slipped my hand over her cheek. “Let me help you. Let me try.”
She shook her head, dislodging the tears in her eyes so they spilled over, down to my hand. “I don’t want to mess this up for you,” she whispered. “Not when you’re so close.”
She stepped away, and I let my hand drop.
“So that’s it.”
“I’m doing my best,” she said. “It’s all I can do. It’s all anyone can do. I’m sorry.”
I stood, my hands empty, watching as she walked out the door and shut it behind her.
Kai
Melbourne, Australia – Rod Laver Arena
“You still ready?” Jason asked as I prepared for my walk down the hall that would lead from the locker room to the main court at the Australian Open. A player had to make the walk alone, carrying their own gear, no one there to help. This time around my agent sounded a lot less confident than he had in Hawaii.