Forever Right Now

“Are you sure you want to come?” Sawyer asked. “Maybe you should rest.”

“Shush, I’m coming.”

“Shush, she’s coming,” Jackson said. He jerked a thumb at Sawyer. “This guy, am I right?”

The guys helped me down the stairs and into the car Jackson had waiting. I guessed he was doing really well at his firm. I wanted that for Sawyer; to get his clerkship and the career he dreamed of. But he needed to pass the bar first, and in the car ride to the bus depot, he was silent. Preoccupied. His eyes were full of thoughts he didn’t share with Jackson or me.

I held his hand the entire time and he held mine, but he hardly spoke. I hoped Jackson would get him talking with his usual jovial humor, but Jackson was nursing a hangover and when I looked over at him, he was snoozing against the window.

At the bus depot, we roused Jackson, and Sawyer got his bag from the trunk. We stepped outside into the brilliant sun, and I recognized this spot as the place where I got off the bus after my trek from New York.

“Jesus, the sun hates me,” Jackson muttered, shielding his eyes even though his sunglasses were back on. He clapped his hands together once, winced at the sound, and then turned to Sawyer. “This is it. The big one. How you feeling, champ?”

Sawyer shook his head. “I don’t know. My head’s not in the game.”

“Get your head off the bench and onto the field,” Jackson said. “It’s fourth-and-one. Ten seconds left on the buzzer. Hail Mary pass. Slap shot from center line, and other assorted sports metaphors.”

Sawyer rolled his eyes. “You watch too much ESPN.”

“No such thing.”

The two men clasped hands, then pulled each other in for a hug.

“You got this,” I heard Jackson say in a low voice. “I know you do.”

“Thanks, Jax,” Sawyer replied.

He turned to me, his eyes still so heavy. Jackson shot us a small smile, and took a few steps back to give us privacy.

“I gave the Abbotts your number in case Livvie needed anything,” Sawyer said. “I didn’t think to ask you. I hope that’s okay.”

“It is,” I said. “You’re going to do great.”

“We’ll see.”

“I’d tell you to break a leg, but the last time someone said that to me I wound up in the ER.”

He smiled thinly and I didn’t know what else to say or do to make this easier for him. The pressure was sitting on his shoulders, pressing him down.

What would Max say to make me feel better?

Max. He was like a guardian angel, watching over me. From Seattle.

I smiled to myself.

“You see that pillar over there?” I said, jerking my chin to the white column of cement. “When I first got off the bus from New York, Max was standing right there. I’d just left my home and traveled three thousand miles away from friends and family to a brand new city. But he was there, waiting for me. We didn’t know each other, but it didn’t matter. Just the fact he was there for me…that made all the difference in the world.”

I put my hands on Sawyer’s shoulders and kissed him softly on the cheek. “I’m going to be waiting for you right there when you get back. Okay?”

Sawyer nodded, his eyes sweeping over my face. Then he abruptly took my face in his hands and kissed me. Hard. A kiss I felt in every part of me, like a sudden rush of electricity, surging through me and leaving me breathless.

He kept his forehead to mine after he broke apart, his own breath coming hard.

“A tornado, Darlene,” he whispered. “I’m swept up.”

Then he pulled away, shouldered his bag, and got on the bus.

Jackson drove me back home, and helped me inside. He gave me a hug and one of his trademark, brilliant smiles.