Forever Right Now

The words went around and around in my head individually but I couldn’t get them to make sense all together.

“This was three years ago, Your Honor?” Jackson asked, still looking at me. He tore his gaze to stand and face the Court. “Do we punish people for the rest of their lives for mistakes that are years old?”

Mr. Holloway smiled placidly. “We wanted to ensure the Court had all of the information before making any rulings. In light of these revelations, we feel a speedy resolution to this matter is in the best interest of the child.”

Judge Chen pursed his lips at me. “Agreed. We will reconvene next Thursday to read the DNA test results, and to make a further determination as to custody of Olivia Abbott. This hearing is adjourned.”

Alice and Gerald should have been victorious, but both wore concerned expressions on their faces when they looked in my direction. I stared back in a daze. Jackson had to haul me to my feet when the judge left the room.

I loosened my tie but it wasn’t what was strangling me.

“You didn’t know about Darlene?” Jackson asked.

“I had no clue,” I said. “She told me she had something she wanted to tell me.” I gripped my friend’s arm as the enormity of what had happened hit me like a punch in the chest. “Jesus, Jax. What do I do now? It’s over. Isn’t it?”

“Don’t think that way,” Jackson said, though his pre-hearing optimism had all but vanished. “The Abbotts did their homework, I’ll give them that, but the stuff about Elena and Darlene is bullshit. They’re throwing anything at the wall to see what sticks.”

“It doesn’t feel like bullshit,” I said.

But truthfully, I didn’t feel anything at all. Numb. Like how I felt when that cop told us my mother was dead. I had to feel nothing or else I’d feel fucking everything and collapse under the weight of it.

“It’s the test results that we need to deal with,” Jackson said, walking us out of the courtroom. “But it’s not over. You have rights. Molly left her with you. She wanted you to be Olivia’s dad. We’ll make a game plan. We’ll prove how well you’ve taken care of Olivia, we’ll get character witnesses…”

Jackson kept talking as we stepped outside into the overly warm Indian summer heat. The bright sun was muted now. Thick storm clouds were brewing overhead, turning the sky gray. My entire world had caved in, and everything was gray, as if all the color and light had been drained out until there was nothing left.

Darlene

“Dareen!” Olivia kicked her feet in her high chair and pushed at the tray.

“All done, sweet pea?” I wiped her mouth of the strawberry residue, then booped her nose with the cloth. She laughed. “You want to get down?’

“Down,” she agreed. “Bocks.”

“Jeez Louise, girl. You’re all about the blocks, aren’t you?”

I took off the tray and set Olivia down on the floor. She immediately toddled to her pile of wooden blocks with the letters and numbers on the sides, and started stacking.

I watched her for a moment, my smile fading, my heart aching. What was happening at the hearing? Surely, a judge wouldn’t just rip a child from the man who’d been taking care of her as his own just because the grandparents had more money. There had to be some rule or law that protected Sawyer.

“There is, and he and Jackson know about it,” I murmured.

But worry laced the blood in my veins and wouldn’t leave. I sat down with Livvie on the floor and played blocks with her, then read her a story. When she began to yawn and rub her eyes, I put her down for a nap in her little room and left the door open a crack.

The house felt quiet. Waiting. Outside, thunder boomed distantly, ominously. As if something terrible were on the horizon, rolling this way.

“Oh stop. It’s just weather.”

I paced around a bit, shaking out my stiff arms from yesterday’s spa work. I couldn’t afford to miss any more shifts, I was glad I took the day off to babysit for Sawyer. It wasn’t the same as being with him, but taking care of Livvie made me feel good about myself in a way I hadn’t felt in a while.

And maybe, after all is said and done, the three of us...

I shut that thought up quick. In my experience, holding on too tightly to something I wanted was the surest way to lose it.

I wandered around Sawyer’s living area, taking him in through his degrees and awards; his messy desk covered in his study materials he worked so hard on. I missed him. He wasn’t really gone, but I missed him anyway.

And you still have to tell him…

“I should’ve told him at the beginning,” I muttered, my fingers trailing over his pen lying on a stack of notebooks.