In Harmony
“Wait it out,” Marty said. “Just have faith.”
I had no faith. Or patience. Just a horrible sinking feeling that something terrible happened to Willow. It ate at my stomach until Friday night—opening night, when Willow arrived at HCT for costume and makeup. From the other side of the theater, I watched her speak a few words to Marty. I sagged with relief and for a moment, everything was all right.
Then Marty’s bright, welcoming smile fell off his face. Her head down, her face drawn and pale, Willow quickly walke
d away to the women’s dressing room.
I raced to Marty. “What’s happening?”
“She’s only doing one show,” he said. “Tonight.”
“What? Why?”
“She wouldn’t say.”
My fists clenched. “It’s her fucking parents. Her dad must’ve found out I was there. Fuck.”
Marty’s eyes bored into mine. “Found out you were where?”
“I went to Willow’s house the other night. They were supposed to be out of town—”
“Jesus, Isaac.”
“Nothing happened,” I said. “We slept together…I mean actual sleep. Real sleep for the first time in months. That’s it.”
Marty rubbed his chin. “I don’t know,” he said. “Maybe you should stay away from her tonight. Give her some space.”
“To make sure your show goes off without a hitch?” I snapped. I immediately held up my hands. “Sorry. I’m sorry. I’m just fucking worried about her.”
“I know you are. You have a lot going on, but you need to focus. The Los Angeles casting agent confirmed this morning he’ll be here. Give it your best. Do it for you. And for Willow, since it’s her only show.”
I went to the dressing room in a daze. I didn’t give a shit about the casting agent or putting on a good show.
God, I’m such a fucking asshole.
I knew I shouldn’t have gone over there. But I’d needed her. I’d been so fucking exhausted, tired of telling everyone I was fine. I hadn’t been fine, so I did a stupid fucking thing and went over there.
I ruined everything.
During the pre-show, vocal warm-ups and breathing exercises came and went, but Willow remained closed up in the women’s dressing room. I pulled Lorraine aside to ask if she was okay.
“She looks pale and so delicate,” Lorraine said, with a royal lilt to her voice. “I have to believe it’s her process. She’s quiet but flighty.” She placed her hand over her heart. “I believe we’re in for one incredible show.”
None of that made me feel any better. I had no time left. The wheels of opening night were in motion. Warm-ups, Marty’s last pep talk, final sound check, places, the audience filing in on the other side of the curtain. But no sign of Willow anywhere.
I forced myself to concentrate on my lines. The hundreds and hundreds of words I’d speak tonight. Words that had given me refuge. Given me a voice.
Yet the only two words I wanted to say were I’m sorry.
Or… I love you.
I didn’t see Willow until she stepped onstage in Act One, making her entrance with Justin, her brother. Laertes warned Ophelia to stay away from Hamlet, to be afraid of him. Hamlet couldn’t give her the future he promised. He was trapped by his birthright, unable to choose his own fate. Whatever he said to her couldn’t be believed.
Then Polonius, Ophelia’s father, took the stage and took his turn unloading on her. Declaring she was too mentally feeble to know her own self-worth. Incapable of making her own decisions.
You do not understand yourself so clearly…
Affection! Pooh, you speak like a green girl…