Chasing Him (Dark Love 4)

Andy throws himself at Julian and hugs him tight. Julian buries his head into Andy’s hair, not letting go. I move in closer to them and kiss Julian on the cheek, then Andy on his head.

Charlie’s hormones are seriously out of control as she wipes away her tears. Lex tries to comfort her, and finally she leans her head into him and murmurs, “I love you,” and Lex follows, “Love you, too, baby mama.”

Andy pulls away enough so he can ask Julian a question. “Daddy, can you take me to school tomorrow, so I can show everyone you’re my daddy?”

Julian nods and grips my hand tightly, overwhelmed by emotions.

Eric walks over and takes out his cell. “Let me get a photo of you guys.”

I scooch over a little toward Charlie and rest my arm on Julian’s knee as he leans into my side.

“On the count of three, say crabs!”

The four of us groan at Eric, then laugh in unison, and we all say, “Crabs!”

Eric walks over and shows us the screen of his phone. The four of us are smiling at the camera, and I know by looking at this photograph, this is meant to be. It doesn’t matter how we got here or what happened, we’re here. Somehow, we have come together.

It’s far from conventional, you could even say it’s fucked up, but we’re all right where we belong.

We are one family.

And, as I look one more time at the picture, I see two orbs, one between Lex and Charlie—it’s small, but it’s there, right beside them. The other is just off to the side of my shoulder. There’s no question in my mind, and I don’t care about the light in the sky, the dust in the air, or the glare off the windows or whatever the skeptics might say, I believe it to be only one thing.

Elijah.

He will always be with us, inside my heart and in the eyes of our son.

I may have been a warrior, but he has been my protector. I was dying, and the darkness that surrounded me was my demon.

Today, I’m alive, and I have a purpose.

To be the best mother I can be to my son.

To love unconditionally.

And most importantly, to finally feel free to follow my heart and love the man who brought me back to life. Julian.

I may have fallen more times than I allowed myself to stand, but finally, I understand that the world isn’t an evil place. There is love, there is compassion, and we all have our battles, but we somehow draw strength when everything seems impossible. To conquer these battles is worth a celebration.

And I’ve no doubt my angel is finally dancing.

He’s proud, and I can now rest knowing that finally, I’ve let go of the anger and am able to happily follow his wishes.

I have learned to love.

Again.

Life changes in ways we don’t expect.

It’s always been my dream to open my own boutique and showcase my designs, but with Julian in my life, I found a greater purpose. His publisher signed him to a four-book deal, and it means he will continue to travel and write his stories. He initially declined the New York Times job, but they wanted him, offering him more money and flexibility to do video meetings rather than fly to New York.

After accompanying him on a few trips, there’s one thing I’m certain of—it isn’t the glam celebrities who need my clothing, but the countless women I’ve met abroad. They can barely cover their bodies due to low socio-economic environments, not to mention have several children who need basic necessities such as food and water. In turn, this leaves them open to the men of their villages who ravage them, and once again, they will end up with another mouth to feed.

Lex accompanied us on that trip along with my dad. It was an eye-opener for both of us. Julian is comfortable being in a third-world country and spending time with the families as is my dad, who will medically assist, but Lex and I, we’re sheltered.

Lex has the wealth, I have the creativity, and we came together to put our knowledge and wealth to use. Lex was able to negotiate fabric at a low cost, and I’m able to provide jobs to women who need work to provide for their families. It’s a win-win situation spending countless hours with these women in their homes, which brings me so much pleasure. I spend time showing them my creations, and together we create modest garments for ladies in the villages and school uniforms for the local children.

This trip, however, is different.