Chasing Him (Dark Love 4)

“Yep. I’ll just say goodbye to Andy.”

I walk over to where Andy is playing with a friend. “Hey, pooh-bear, Mama is going to work now.”

He stops playing with the blocks and latches onto me again. It’s short-lived as Amelia taps my shoulder.

“Aunty Ri-ana, look at my ball. Andy, come play ball wid me?”

“You wanna play with Amelia?” I whisper into Andy’s ear. He nods slightly.

Amelia is tugging away at Andy, giving him no choice but to follow her. I watch them walk away until Andy stops, running back to me like he’s forgotten something.

His big blue eyes are staring back at me, and I know this stare. I’ve seen it several times. It’s the stare that makes my heart beat abnormally because the words he is about to speak are words that will stick with me for a very long time, if not forever.

“Mama, Daddy had to stay at work. Heaven was weally busy again.”

My heart sinks deep into that dark abyss, shattering every which way as the reality of his words weigh heavily on my mind.

“Yes, Andy, very busy,” I answer, pushing the loose strand of hair covering his face.

He runs off, and with an extremely heavy heart, I walk toward the exit leaving my baby behind.

Alone in the restaurant waiting for Eric and Charlie, I attempt to occupy myself by playing Candy Crush. It’s the worst game ever, being stuck on this level for like two months. I’m cursing Rocky for sending me the damn request through social media causing this ridiculous obsession.

Ten minutes later, Eric and Charlie still aren’t here. I throw my cell onto the table in frustration, crossing my arms as I wait impatiently.

I hate tardiness.

This time alone isn’t good for me, today’s events leaving me in the biggest funk ever. This is the first of many milestones Andy will celebrate without Elijah. Graduations, wedding—the list goes on.

I still recall his baptism, a request from my parents to avoid Andy living in ‘limbo’ if anything should happen. Then came his first steps, to his first birthday. Each one of those moments brought pain and joy all rolled into one emotion.

How dare he do this to us! I want to scream out loud.

I didn’t sign up for this life. I was born and raised in your typical American family. I had a dad and mom who were the best parents a girl could ask for. My brother was your typical jock, a loving, smart-ass older sibling who had this protective nature over his little sister. Girls loved him, and so did my best friend.

We were your television sitcom loving family. You couldn’t get any more typical than us.

Then I met this boy—Elijah Jean Evans.

I knew from the moment I met him that he was my future husband. So what if I was only seventeen and a virgin? He was great, and we were great together. Elijah filled my life with so many happy memories, and it wasn’t until the first cancer scare did I realize how quickly it can be taken from us. Elijah fought hard, and my brother fought even harder to keep Elijah alive. After the battle was won, not once did I think it would come back, and most importantly, not once did I think my husband would stop fighting. Not even when he agreed to try IVF to conceive a baby.

At times, I’m angry at him, at God, at everyone. And other times, I just carry on as best as I can.

Glancing at the time again, I send Eric a text with a big fat ‘Where the fuck are you?’ Out of all people, he knows what I’m like, and knowing Eric, he’ll come up with some pathetic excuse.

Letting out a huff, I busy myself with an email a buyer sent me about my upcoming spring collection.

Opening a boutique in LA is the best thing I could’ve done for Andy and me. I closed my store in Brooklyn, not because of the distance but of the memories of Elijah.

Back to designing and fashion, I’m in my element, and it keeps my mind distracted. Aside from that, I need an income. Lex being Lex, he offers to pay off my mortgage, but I don’t want to be that charity case.

Since Elijah’s plan was to leave us, I’m going to make damn sure nobody else has to provide for my son. Between daycare and my mom, I’m able to head into the boutique a few times a week, and I hired three younger girls to manage the store when I’m not around. Business is thriving. Celebrities in LA want to wear my designs. The red carpet has already showcased a few of my popular pieces. The demand is starting to build, so at night when I struggle with insomnia, I work on my designs.

I have a plan—a plan to move forward.

Until the day he walked into my life.

Julian Baker.