Chasing Him (Dark Love 4)
“It’s not supposed to be easy. You know if you ever need help, you just need to ask,” he offers.
“I need you.”
I feel him squeeze my hands. “We can’t keep hiding this if that’s what you want.”
It’s complicated, and his question warrants an answer. “I know that. It’s just… you don’t understand Lex like I do. He is my brother.”
It’s instant and takes me back as he pulls his hand away leaving me cold.
“I’m not giving you an ultimatum. I’m not that kind of guy. But you need to think about what it is you want because we can’t hide this forever. What if Andy picks up on it, huh?” The arctic tone in his voice stuns me only because there’s so much truth behind it. Andy tells Lex everything.
“I know. Stop pressuring me, okay?” I stand up and wipe my hands on my skirt. “There’s no way in hell this will go down well with Lex. I need time to prepare myself. And I have to think about Andy. He adores Lex. I don’t want my decisions to negatively impact him.”
He follows my actions, standing up in a huff. His face contorts into rage. “How about your brother sees you’re happy and for once stops acting like a selfish prick and allows you to live your life?”
I’m floored by his comment. He doesn’t understand Lex like I do. After all, Lex is my flesh and blood.
“This is getting us nowhere,” I sulk.
“You’re right, it isn’t.”
He doesn’t reach for me, and together we stand apart allowing this argument to cool off. Eventually, he drags me back to him and embraces me. I start crying, frustrated with this ongoing wall between us.
I never want Julian to let go of me, and he doesn’t, even when Andy runs toward us.
“Mama, is Jay hugging you because you crying?”
I let out a small laugh at Andy unable to pronounce Julian’s name. “His name is Julian, Andy.”
“No, Mama, he said his name is Jay.”
I look toward Julian, and it clicks why he said that. He doesn’t want Andy to use the name Julian in front of anyone. Even though he’s ready for us to come out, is he just as terrified as I am?
I lift Andy so he is between us. “Don’t cry, Mama. Jay can make you happy.”
I kiss his little hands and say it aloud. “Jay does make me happy. Very happy.”
Andy squirms out of my embrace. “Okay, Mama. Jay, Hazel says we can take Blaze and Ash for a walk. Please?”
“Sure, buddy. You tell Hazel I said that’s okay.”
His face lights up with a smile, and before he runs off, he wraps his tiny arms around Julian’s legs and hugs him tight. “You’re a good daddy. Blaze loves you.”
Julian beams, and then hugs Andy tightly in return. “Thank you, little man.”
Andy has run off again to find Hazel. We slowly make our way back to the house and find Penny inside the kitchen frantically searching for hot sauce.
“Gee, Pens, you craving or something?”
“The only thing coming out of me is that leftover Taco Bell from last night.”
I screw up my face. Penny is quick to raise her arms in frustration announcing that she’s heading to the store. Picking up her keys from the table, she leans into my ear and says, “You can thank me later,” before disappearing outside.
Julian pulls me toward the couch and makes me sit. He places his hand around my shoulder to close the gap between us, and follows with a deep and loving kiss. I find my hands moving toward his chest, latching onto his shirt. His tongue sweeps over mine as I moan into his mouth. His kisses range from slow to frantic, both of us desperate for more, but know we can’t.
“You’re killing me,” he grunts.
“Uh, hello, you’re killing me.” I grab his hand and quickly shove it under my skirt sliding it into my panties. I’m fucking soaked. His eyes flare, and I see his body tense in delight.