Chasing Him (Dark Love 4)

“I don’t know anything!” I yell at him. “I can’t stop thinking about you… all the time. I’m jealous when you go out without me. I hate that girls throw themselves at you. I hate that I don’t know what your life is like outside of our time together, and you never tell me where you’re going, and again that you’re with other women. I hate that everything in your life is temporary… house, car, and I don’t know if you’re sticking around.” I let out a breath, and just when he is opening his mouth, I continue. “I hate that I feel guilty because sex with you is the best I’ve ever had! That makes me a whore and dirty.”

He is lying on his back, staring straight at the ceiling.

“I hate that you hide this relationship and that you think when I’m with you, I’m doing it to be close to Charlie,” he admits, still keeping his distance. “The only reason I don’t tell you where I am is because I’m afraid of smothering you. Feeling independent and not tied down gives me a sense of control because honestly, Adriana, we, our future, rests in your hands.”

I’m about to open my mouth when he cuts me off.

“And most importantly…” He lets out a final breath, almost as if the weight of the world rests on his shoulders and he’s about to set it free. “I hate that you can’t see I’ve fallen for you.”

My heart is beating at record speed.

He has fallen for me?

I climb on top him, forcing him to connect with me, baring my body and soul. His eyes meet mine, and I see sadness, guilt, and anger all rolled into one stare. Yet still, I’m unable to turn away, drawn in like a magnetic force, the power of love bringing hope and pain at the same time.

“You scare me, Julian. I’m not supposed to find someone so soon. You don’t understand the things you do to me.”

“I do understand. You do the same to me. I’m not supposed to find someone so soon, let alone it be you. Out of all people… you.”

I angle my body forward, tracing my finger along his lips.

I’ve fallen for him too. I can no longer deny it.

“Do you know how fucked up this is?” he says in a decidedly odd tone.

“Jerry Springer fucked-up.”

“Not that fucked up.” He laughs.

I lean in and rub my nose along his, moving my way toward his lips. Our tongues entwine, gentle and passionately, enough to show me how real this all is. His hands run down my back, combined with a gust of wind that sweeps through the room. I shiver uncontrollably, prompting him to wrap my body in his arms.

With my head resting against his chest, I finally decide. “I’m telling them tomorrow. You’re right. It’s gone on long enough, and if we both want to make this work, we need to be honest with everyone.”

Julian doesn’t say anything, continuing to play with my hair.

I raise my head slightly. “Are you worried?”

“That your brother will punch me in the face again?”

“He did that?”

Julian nods. “Look, Adriana, I can handle Lex.”

“Lex is… well… Lex. He will stop at nothing to protect Charlie. I just want to warn you he may drag up the past.”

I hate the fact that it will probably result in just that. Lex is ruthless, overprotective, and always gets his way.

“We all make mistakes, he’s not exactly a saint either,” he answers bitterly.

“What do you mean? What did he do?”

“It’s all in the past, Adriana, where it should remain.”

Frustrated, I blurt out the obvious. “He’s a selfish bastard for not realizing that without you, Charlie and Ava would be long gone.”

“It’s a double-edged sword. It’s taken me a very long time to see the good in the situation. You saw me at my worst.”

I have, and I’m so proud of him for coming this far. Just like me, he has endured so much, and overcoming the death of someone you loved is the biggest hurdle one can accomplish. Charlie has experienced that, and deep down inside, I know she will be okay with this.