Chasing Him (Dark Love 4)

He closes his eyes and releases a deep breath. I’ve no idea, and never want to know what it feels like. I can’t think of anything more terrifying.

“Yeah, well, coke isn’t the answer.”

“You think it was all about Charlie… it wasn’t. It was the fucking coke driving me to do things. Until you’re under the influence, you have no idea how much it can destroy your life and any rational thinking.”

My hands grip tightly on the wheel as I rev the engine, the roar loudly rumbles around us.

“You expect me to forgive you?” I laugh in malice.

“How can I expect you to forgive me when I can’t even forgive myself?”

I don’t respond instantly. What the fuck does he want from me? First, he proposes to my wife. Then, he stalks her, putting her in danger, and now he wants forgiveness so he can steal my nephew and brainwash my sister?

Adriana’s words ring in my head. “We all make mistakes, Lex. We’re all guilty of doing things that are unforgivable.”

Yeah, well, Julian’s list of ‘unforgivable mistakes’ is too long in my eyes. He isn’t going to get an apology from me, but I’m not that inconsiderate. I recognize he has been to hell. It doesn’t excuse anything, and to some extent I understand how easily life can fall apart around you. Nine fucking years of living in hell was enough for me to show a small amount of compassion.

“I’ve been there. When you wake up and realize every decision you have made in your life has been one big mistake and you’ve broken the only person who’s your reason for living, you run to anything that will numb the fucking pain. I spent six months of my life snorting that shit and taking anything else I could get my hands on. Some nights, I had no idea where I was, who was beside me, and what narcotics had been injected into me.”

“Then, you know.”

“I do know. Nobody else knows this. They only saw businessman Lex driven by power and money. They didn’t know that every night I was surrounded by dealers. Pimping their whores and drugs on to me like it was a big fucking game. I’m not proud of that part of my life, and the moment I saw Charlotte again, I knew you wouldn’t stand in my way.”

“It’s done, but just so you know, I love your sister and just like you said, you won’t stand in my way.”

I’m a fucking hypocrite and refuse to admit that openly, so instead, my lips remain tightly sealed as we continue to drive to the motel.

The night has fallen, and only a few lights flicker on the motel sign. I park the car in the almost deserted parking lot, and we both make our way to the front desk. The overweight sleazy man sitting on his fat ass behind the desk doesn’t even turn our way when the sound of the bell rings. Dressed in a greasy wife-beater and shorts, he faces our way when Julian clears his throat. I hold up the picture of Andy and ask him if he has seen him. He stares blankly at the picture and shakes his head.

“Are you sure?” Julian remains calm, not showing any sign of frustration.

The man shakes his head again. I take out my wallet and throw a wad of cash at him. I don’t even count it, and he appears to be pleased, but he doesn’t give any further information, instead, taking the cash and shoving it into his pocket.

I’m losing my cool and am ready to pounce, but Julian places his hand against my chest, holding me back.

“I’m sorry you couldn’t help us.”

What the fuck is this fucker doing!

I follow him outside making our way back to the car. “Now what, huh? Your damn dealer scammed us.”

“Well, tell me what you had in mind, Edwards? Waiting for the cops to do jack all?”

“I don’t know. I’d have done better than you,” I spit back.

“Yeah, well, you’ve done nothing but fucking complain so far.” He moves toward me, eyes wide and full of rage.

“Back the fuck off. I swear, Baker, don’t even fucking think about it,” I seethe.

He grabs my shirt with his fists, and with fast reflexes, I’m about to swing a punch when his face changes, and he lets go, frozen on the spot staring intently at the concrete. He starts to walk away, but I pull his shoulder back. He shrugs it off and kneels to the curbside to pick up a toy car.

“This belongs to Andy,” he says.

“That could be any kid’s car.”

“No, the windows have been colored in black marker. Andy does this to all his cars. I still remember when I asked him about it, he said ‘Uncle Lex has black windows, and I want to be just like him.’”

Andy said that? I crumple to the ground, defeated as the enormity of this situation consumes me. I can’t breathe let alone think of what to do next.