Tear (Seaside 1)

What. The. Hell.

I threw the remote onto the couch and ran over to the guys’ house. I lifted my hand to bang on the door when it suddenly flew open, revealing a very shirtless Alec. Well, no one ever said life was fair, or easy, or awesome.

“What the heck is his problem!” I roared, stomping into the house like a woman on the edge.

“Good evening to you too,” Alec muttered behind me.

I ignored him. “First he’s all trying to take advantage of me at your house, then spouting nonsense about you and me, and then…” I began to feel hysterical. “He said that he wanted to be first. Of course, that was after his second attempt at getting me out of my dress and into his bed, and then he wouldn’t let me go, and then he got all weird and I saw pills and freaked. It was like he was saying goodbye. More like, Sorry Nat, but I’m gonna go screw some movie star instead!” I felt tears coming on but fought them back, allowing my anger to take over. “I’ve been heart-broken for almost forty-eight hours thinking I’ve done something tragic to him and he’s, he’s—”

“Nat,” Alec interrupted, his voice severe. “Stop.”

“No!” I whipped around and charged toward him, finally poking him in the chest. “You don’t get to tell me what to do! You rejected me! Twice — wait, three times!”

Alec rolled his eyes. “Listen, Nat. As much as I’d love to sit here and listen to you complain about my brother’s shitty decisions and lack of love for you, I’d rather not. Everything he’s done has been for you, and you repay him by coming over here and talking shit? Really?”

“How is him cheating on me doing me a favor? Because I’m dying to know. This ought to be good.” I crossed my arms and waited, finally allowing a tear to run down my cheek. I quickly wiped it away and broke eye contact, choosing to look at my Converse rather than Alec’s shirtless perfection.

“It’s complicated.”

My head snapped up. “Of course it is. It’s always complicated with you two, and you never tell me why! I don’t know why you’re here, I don’t know why you chose my mom out of all people to see, and I don’t know why you have the same stupid tattoo!”

“Get out,” Alec snapped, pulling my arm.

“I didn’t mean it was stupid, just that—”

“Out.” Alec gently pushed me out his door and leaned against the frame. “Nat, go home. We should never have involved you in the first place.”

“What are you saying?” I felt my lower lip quiver.

“I’m saying goodbye.”

“You’re shutting me out,” I said numbly, not allowing my heart to believe that I had successfully lost the two boys I loved in the course of a weekend.

He closed his eyes while he whispered, “Family comes first.”

“And I’m not family.”

Silence.

“Right.” I choked back a sob and ran back to my house.

I didn’t know that I had been crying so loud. My mom pounded on my door and finally I opened it, probably looking like some crazy person with mascara-stained cheeks.

“Oh, Baby!” She embraced me and I cried even harder.

“What’s wrong, Sweetie?”

Sweetie? Baby? She never said those things to me. I wanted to tense up, to recoil and pull back, this wasn’t familiar for me, but I needed her comfort so much that I didn’t care. I just wanted to be loved, by someone.

“Boys are so stupid.” I shivered and wiped my nose with the sleeve of my sweatshirt.

Mom sighed. “Any boys in particular giving you grief?”

I nodded.

“Would these boys be my clients?”

I nodded again.

“Natalee.” Mom’s grip tightened on my arm as she held me cradled next to her body. “Those boys aren’t normal.”

“No crap, Mom.”

Mom tensed next to me. “No, Nat, not like that. I mean they’re so much more than they seem. Life has dealt them some pretty screwed up situations. They stick together because they’re all they have. Does that make sense?”

“No.” Well, kind of, but I was angry so I said no anyways.

Mom pushed back my hair and kissed me on the forehead. Seriously, someone beam me back to the planet, this was so foreign. “A year ago, they were dealt a very hard blow. The fact that they were able to even pull out of it is astonishing both to me and to everyone else who knows.”

“Knows? As in, you know?”

“Confidentiality, Natalee,” she reminded me.

I sighed.

“Anyway, I imagine if any of this involves you, then a grand dose of fear is also involved, and when you allow fear to rule your emotions and your choices, well, you end up pushing away those you love most.”

I knew it well. Oh, how I knew it. I pushed my mom away, afraid that if I allowed myself to be attached that she would constantly reject me, because it seemed like she always did. But did she? Or did she just assume I was really happy and leave me alone to figure my own stuff out?

“I’m confused, my head hurts,” I complained.

Mom laughed. “Why don’t we go make some dinner?”

“We?” I repeated, my voice absolutely deadpan with sarcasm.

“I canceled the rest of the night.”

I pulled away from her and looked into her tired eyes. “May I ask why?”

“One of your confused boys asked me to.”