Reminders of Him

The door opens behind me. I look over my shoulder, and Roman is slipping outside. He sits next to me. He doesn’t say anything. That’s his way of opening the floor for me to speak.

“Kenna is back.”

“Diem’s mother?”

I nod.

“Shit.”

I rub my eyes with my fingers, relieving some of the pressure from the headache that’s been building all day. “I almost had sex with her last night. In my truck, after the bar closed.”

He has no immediate reaction to that. I glance over at him, and he’s just staring blankly at me. Then he brings a hand to his face and rubs it over his mouth.

“You what?” Roman stands up and walks out into the alley. He’s staring at his feet, processing what I’ve just said. He looks as shocked as I felt when I put two and two together outside my house. “I thought you hated Diem’s mother.”

“I didn’t know she was Diem’s mother last night.”

“How could you not know? She was your best friend’s girlfriend, right?”

“I never met her. I saw a picture of her once. And maybe her mug shot, I think. But she had long blonde hair back then—looked completely different.”

“Wow,” Roman says. “Did she know who you were?”

I still don’t know the answer to that, so I just shrug. She didn’t seem surprised to see me outside my house earlier. She just seemed upset.

“She showed up and tried to meet Diem today. And now . . .” I shake my head. “I fucked up, Roman. Patrick and Grace don’t need this.”

“Does she have any rights as a parent?”

“Her rights were terminated because of the length of her prison sentence. We’ve just been hoping she wouldn’t show up and want to be a part of her life. I mean, they feared it. We all did. I guess we just assumed we’d have some kind of warning.”

Roman clears his throat. “I mean, to be fair, the woman gave birth to Diem. I think that was your warning.” Roman likes to play devil’s advocate in everything he does. It doesn’t surprise me he’s doing it now. “What’s the plan? Are they going to let Diem meet her mother now that they know she wants to be involved?”

“It would be too hard on Patrick and Grace if Kenna were in their lives.”

Roman makes a face. “How’s Kenna going to take that?”

“I don’t really care how Kenna feels. No grandparent should be forced to have to set up visitation with their son’s murderer.”

Roman raises a brow. “Murderer. That’s a bit dramatic. Her actions led to Scotty’s death, sure. But the girl isn’t some cold-blooded murderer.” He kicks a pebble across the pavement. “I always thought they were a little too harsh on her.”

Roman didn’t know me back when Scotty died. He only knows the story. But if he had been around five years ago to see how it affected everyone, and he still somehow managed to say what he just said, I’d have punched him for it.

But he’s just being Roman. Devil’s advocate. Uninformed.

“What happened when she showed up? What’d they say to her?”

“She didn’t make it that far. I intercepted her in the street and dropped her off at her apartment. Then I told her to go back to Denver.”

Roman shoves his hands in his pockets. I watch his face, looking for the judgment. “How long ago was this?” he asks.

“It’s been a few hours.”

“You aren’t worried about her?”

“Who? Diem?”

He shakes his head with a small laugh, like I’m not following. “I’m talking about Kenna. Does she have family here? Friends? Or did you drop her off alone after telling her to fuck off?”

I stand up and brush the back of my jeans. I know what he’s getting at, but it’s not my problem. At least that’s what I keep telling myself.

“Maybe you should go check on her,” he suggests.

“I’m not going to check on her.”

Roman looks disappointed. “You’re better than this.”

I can feel my pulse hammering in my throat. I don’t know if I’m more pissed at him or at Kenna right now.

Roman takes a step closer. “She’s responsible for the accidental death of someone she was in love with. As if that wasn’t hard enough, she went to prison for it and was forced to give up her own child. She finally shows back up hoping to meet her, and you do God knows what with her in your truck, and then you prevent her from meeting her daughter, and then you tell her to fuck off. No wonder you’ve been slamming shit around all night.” He walks back up the steps, but before he goes inside, he turns to me and says, “You’re the reason I’m not dead in a ditch somewhere, Ledger. You gave me a chance when everyone else gave up on me. You have no idea how much I look up to you for that. But it’s really hard to look up to you right now. You’re acting like an asshole.” Roman walks back inside the bar.