Size Matters (Chaos and Carnage MC 1)

“Yep. I have nowhere else I have to be. I am all yours today,” she said.

“We’re closed tomorrow,” Beatrice said.

“Oh, you are?”

“Yeah. We like to do the Thanksgiving, and take Friday off.”

“Right, of course.” Maddie forced a smile she didn’t feel one bit. Work had become one of the best distractions and to not have it, well, she didn’t even want to think about it.

Memories of Bull were the worst as they were attached to hopes. Hopes that were no longer relevant to her.

“Are you okay?” Beatrice asked.

“I am fine. More than fine.”

The lies fell hard from her lips. She wasn’t okay. Not even a little bit. Most Thanksgivings were spent on her own. There was nothing bad about it. Only this time, she would be alone with her thoughts.

She hated Bull at that moment.

Why couldn’t he have left her alone?

Why did he have to make her feel like he cared, when they both knew the truth? He never cared about her.

She pressed a hand to her stomach, feeling the sickness rising within her, threatening to spill over.

“Are you okay?” Beatrice asked.

“I’m fine. Perfectly fine.” She nodded, and it was the last thing she felt. The constant mantra went off inside her head, as if she could somehow make it real, that she could make herself fine.

It wasn’t real. She wasn’t fine.

It would never be real, and she hated it.

Taking a deep breath, she turned back to the customers and started to work. With each minute that passed, she finally gained her composure.

She could do this.

The breakfast customers lingered, and they all got to talking. Maddie refilled their coffees when they asked, or sent Carl an order of his special pumpkin concoction, which was really good. She’d had a cup herself.

Grant came to stand with her. “This is kind of cool,” he said.

Was it harder for her because of Grant? He was a reminder of Bull.

“It is.”

“Have you ever been here before for Thanksgiving?” he asked.

“No. I tended to stay home at my place.” The place Bull had gotten rid of because she had moved in with him. “Excuse me.”

She got up and made her way toward the back, going through the staff room, toward the private bathroom.

Beatrice had said with the number of people passing through, the least she could do was offer a private toilet to her staff.

Entering the small bathroom, she gripped the edge of the counter, closing her eyes and taking several deep breaths.

“It’s fine. I’m fine. Everything is fine.” She kept on saying those words in the hope of them being right.

In and out.

She took long deep breaths.

“Maddie?”

She opened her eyes and gasped as she caught sight of Bull in the mirror.

He spun her around, sank his fingers into her hair, tilted her head back, and kissed her.

His body was so much bigger than hers. She gasped as his tongue traced across her bottom lip. A moan escaped her.

Her traitorous body betrayed her as she responded to him. This was the last thing she wanted to do. There wasn’t a single part of her that wanted to give in to him, and yet, her body had other ideas.

She was aroused.

For a split second, she allowed herself to wrap her arms around his neck, to give in to the temptation. To kiss him. To feel him against her. The warmth of his touch set her aflame with even more need, and then reality came to her.

“Look, some guy is going to want … that. It’s not me. I’m sorry. I’ve found out what I really want. No guy wants a fat chick, ever.”

His words echoed throughout her head, and she pulled back. Where she was once gripping him for more, this time, she shoved her hands at his chest.

“Get the hell away from me.”

“Maddie?”

“No, you don’t get to Maddie me. You stay the hell away from me.”

She left the bathroom and made her way out to the main diner. Her hands shook as her lips tingled.

This was cruel. She hated him.

“Are you okay?” Grant asked.

“I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I want no part in it. Not a single one.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

She looked into his eyes, trying to figure him out, but he must have been one hell of a liar because she couldn’t make out a tell, or know if he was lying or not.

“It doesn’t matter.” She wrapped her arms around herself and went to the kitchen where Carl was doing some last-minute finishing touches.

“Hey, sweetheart,” he said.

She forced a smile to her lips.

Carl and Beatrice always had the power to make her smile, even when she was struggling with everything else.

She didn’t know what game Bull was playing, but she didn’t want it to be anywhere near her.

“Do you want to talk about whatever is bothering you?” Carl asked.