Size Matters (Chaos and Carnage MC 1)

She shook her head. “You can’t do this.”

“Sure I can. Seeing as I just did.”

“Damn it, Bull. This is … I … I need space.”

“You’ll get the space you need.”

“No, this is not space. This is bullying me.”

“Maddie, I’m here for you.”

“You’re not. You’re here for yourself.” She went to move to the edge of the pool to climb out, but Bull stopped her. His hands were on her hips, and as he drew her back, she felt the hard length of his cock.

She gasped.

“Yeah, I know you feel me, babe.”

“It doesn’t mean anything.”

“These past few weeks have been the loneliest of my whole life.” His lips brushed across her neck.

“I came here to work out.”

“Then work out. Don’t go.” He still didn’t let her go. “My need for you has never disappeared. I love you, Maddie.”

She wanted to believe him.

“I’ve got to swim.” She pulled out of his arms.

“Look, some guy is going to want … that. It’s not me. I’m sorry. I’ve found out what I really want. No guy wants a fat chick, ever.”

Those were the words that kept going on inside her head.

Of course, the words fat and ugly were at the top of the list as well.

She hated them.

She hated feeling this way.

Maddie started with the breaststroke, aware of Bull so close to her. He was never going to give up. That was clear, but why? She knew he said he loved her, but could she believe him? For every time his words echoed with what he said to Julio, she remembered the breakup even more.

She pushed herself back and forth across the pool, starting with the breaststroke, then moving to the backstroke.

Time passed. She got to the end of the pool, and Bull was there.

Wiping the water from her face, she climbed out of the pool. He was messing with her space.

How could she get over him if he was always there?

Bull wasn’t to be ignored though. He surprised her as he followed her into the shower. Capturing her hands, pressing them above her head.

“I know you don’t believe me, Maddie, but I promise you, I’m in love with you. I’ve been in love with you for some time.”

He didn’t give her a chance to say anything before his lips were on hers, his tongue tracing across her bottom lip. She wanted to deny him, but she opened up, and he plundered her mouth, making her moan. Her body ached as his hands wrapped around her waist.

She hadn’t moved her hands from above her head, but she finally did, gripping his shoulders in one second, only to push him away in the next.

Bull pressed his head against hers and groaned. “Fuck, Maddie, I need you.”

“Let me go.”

“Never.” He released her and stepped out of the shower.

She collapsed against the wall, her heart pounding.

Why couldn’t he see this was killing her?

She washed the chlorine from her skin and went to her pile of clothes. She didn’t take the time to dry, but quickly pulled them on and left the gym. Jase was at the front desk, and she didn’t wait to say goodbye.

Pulling her hat on her wet hair, she ran to her apartment.

No one followed her.

No sign of Bull.

No sign of his club.

She quickly entered her home, locked the door, and collapsed against it.

Tears filled her eyes as she pulled her legs up to her body, sniffling.

“I’m fine. More than fine.”

They were all the wrong words. There was nothing fine with this feeling.

She didn’t know how long it took for her to get to her feet and walk to her shower. She stripped out of her clothes, knowing it was stupid to walk home soaking wet in this weather.

Stepping beneath the shower, she stayed until she was warm enough to the touch. Then she climbed out, wrapped a towel around her, and went to her bedroom.

Grant no longer stayed with her, so she didn’t need to worry about him seeing her in a towel.

After changing into a pair of pajamas, she dried her hair on the towel and decided against food as she’d been feeling sick all day.

Once inside her bed, she closed her eyes, snuggling into the warmth.

“Look, some guy is going to want … that. It’s not me. I’m sorry. I’ve found out what I really want. No guy wants a fat chick, ever.”

She pressed her hands to her ears, hoping that simple action would help remove those horrible words. They were on repeat, threatening to drive her insane. Tears fell from her eyes.

Slowly, the world began to fade as precious sleep claimed her.

Maddie didn’t know how long she was asleep before she was brought awake with arms wrapped around her.

Panic filled her.

“Maddie, it’s me. Babe, it’s me. It’s Bull. You were having a nightmare.” He had her pinned to the bed. He’d somehow turned the light on and she saw the noticeable scratches on his cheek.