The Queen & the Homo Jock King (At First Sight 2)
“Language,” Larry scolded from his spot on the couch. There was a football game on the TV and Vince and Darren sat on either side of him, and I ignored the way my heart stuttered a little at the sight of them.
“You guys hate football,” I said. “Why are you watching it?”
Larry shrugged. “It’s what men do. We drink beer and watch football on Thanksgiving while the women cook in the kitchen.”
Matty walked by the back of the couch and smacked him on top of his head. “You’re drinking a white zinfandel and I will give you a million dollars if you can tell me the name of one of the teams you’re watching.”
“The Yakima Yaks,” he said promptly. Then he sighed. “I really could have used that million dollars. Darn my lack of caring for organized sports. Also, Charlie is making us.”
“Darn indeed,” Matty said.
“Oh come on, ref,” Charlie growled from his spot on the recliner, feet propped up, beer in hand. “Are you blind?”
“So much testosterone,” Larry breathed. “I should be in the kitchen with the women.”
“Maybe if you asked politely,” Matty said, “I’d consider it.”
“You think you could take me, Mrs. Auster?” he teased, pushing himself up from the couch.
“I could take you anytime, anyplace, Mr. Auster.” She winked before turning back toward the kitchen.
“So gross,” Paul moaned from the kitchen. “Why do they always have to do that?”
“Paul ruins all good feelings!” Johnny Depp screamed.
“Not all of them.” Vince stood and followed Larry into the kitchen.
“Pretty,” Johnny Depp called after Vince. “Pretty, pretty!”
“My parrot is in love with Vince,” Nana told Sherry. “It’s a romance for the ages. I’m trying to convince Paul to share Vince, but so far, it’s a no-go, so now the plan is to get rid of Paul. Do you want to see my leather paddle? Charlie got it for my birthday. I haven’t had a chance to use it on anybody yet, but I hope to someday soon.”
Charlie snorted without looking away from the TV. “We’re still working up to that part. First, you need to stop apologizing before you even use it.”
“It’s only the polite thing to do,” Nana insisted. She turned back to Sherry. “I’m probably not cut out for the BDSM lifestyle, though.” Her disappointment was
tangible. “I’d feel bad anytime I had to whip someone or put their penis in cage. And don’t even get me started on sounding.” She took Sherry by the arm and led her down the hallway toward her bedroom. “Do you know what sounding is? It’s when they insert a metal rod into a urethra and—”
“Sandy!” Paul called from the kitchen. “Can you get Wheels out of here? I swear to god he’s going to start presenting himself for a piece of turkey. I don’t need my dog to be a whore for meat. I raised him to be much classier than that.”
“Language,” Larry said. “And on the Lord’s day, of all days.”
“Dad, Thanksgiving is not the Lord’s day.”
“Oh. Then what is it?”
“Pilgrims and Indians.”
“Right. Because nothing says giving thanks than how we’ve taken their land and corralled them into reservations that don’t always have the proper health and educational facilities to—”
I didn’t even want to be involved in that conversation, because knowing Larry, it’d go on for at least the next hour. I swooped in and found Wheels giving anyone who would look puppy eyes. I picked him up, blew a kiss at Corey, who was doing something with asparagus, and fled the kitchen before I felt even more guilty about Native Americans and/or got put to work cooking.
Darren hadn’t moved from the couch, and I didn’t really think when I sat down next to him, closer than was probably necessary. I took Wheels’s cart off his butt and laid him on his back in my lap, then reached down and scratched his belly. He instantly went limp, head back against Darren’s thigh, tongue lolling out of his mouth as he grunted in contentment.
“Please tell me my mom isn’t learning about kinky sex from an elderly lady,” Darren said.
“Yeah,” I said. “See? I can’t do that. Because I think that’s what’s happening.”
“Gays are taking over the world!” Johnny Depp proclaimed. “We’re doomed! Dooomed.”