Why We Fight (At First Sight 4)

“Oh dear god,” Paul mumbled. “Why. Why. Why.”

“No,” Robert said, shaking his head. “That… didn’t come from me. I respect those who are in the community, and I’m proud of what Jeremy has accomplished, but it’s not something I ever really thought about.”

“Charlie’s into it, though,” Nana said. “That’s got to be some kind of weird Freudian transference.”

Kill me. Kill me now.

“Hoo boy,” Sandy said. “That’s not something you should have said out loud.”

“Nothing quite so oedipal,” Robert said easily. “Though I can see why someone might think that.”

“Good,” Nana said. “Because we’re weird, but we’re not that weird.” She paused, considering. “At least I don’t think we are.”

“I respect it,” Robert said, “because it’s important to him. And to Charlie. While I don’t think I’ll ever see myself wearing something like they do, I can appreciate how our differences make us unique rather than divide us.” He smiled at me. “What about you, Kori? Jeremy tells me that you were there to support him. What did you think?”

I didn’t know why I’d ever thought he was a congenial elderly gent. He was a villain, and I felt like I was going into battle.

When Jeremy had picked me up last Monday morning, I thought things were going to be a little strange. My friends and I had, after all, shown up mostly uninvited to something important to him. And even though we’d talked after, I still thought there was going to be awkwardness.

But Jeremy hadn’t acted like anything was wrong, and I realized that it was just on me. It certainly didn’t help that he’d been dressed as he normally was for work, not a piece of leather in sight. And the fact that I kept thinking about all that leather certainly didn’t help.

The only awkwardness came from the fact that I was awkward. Not the best realization to come to on a Monday morning.

“It was different,” I said slowly. “The people there were nice and mostly welcoming for people they called tourists. But I felt a little bit like a fraud, I guess.”

“Why is that?” Robert asked.

I shrugged. “It’s… hard to explain. I wasn’t uncomfortable, but I wasn’t not. If that makes sense.”

“It does,” Robert said. “And I won’t push. I just know that Jeremy was pleased.” He sighed. “It’s nice to know he had friends there.”

I thought of Griffin. “Oh, I don’t think you need to worry about that. He seemed like he was in good hands as it was.”

Robert smiled. “How curious. Because all he spoke of was you.” The smile widened. “And the others, of course.” He looked over at Sandy and Paul. “It was wonderful of you all to show.”

“I got worshipped,” Paul said, sighing as if his life was incredibly difficult. “Apparently I’m a chub, and everyone there wanted to get up on my business.” He sniffed daintily. “It’s so hard being the center of attention all the time.”

Sandy rolled his eyes. “I don’t even know how you survived.”

“Hey!”

“Charlie said people get spanked at the leather bar in the back room,” Nana said to Robert. “He’s taught me how to wield a paddle. It doesn’t always have to be about sex. I can show you later, if you want. But only if you want, because consent is important.”

“Why don’t we eat first and see how it goes?” Matty suggested. “You can’t spank anyone on an empty stomach.”

Nana scoffed. “Shows what you know.”

“Sorry about this,” Paul said to Robert. “They don’t know how to filter anything.”

Robert tilted his head back and laughed. “Be thankful for that. Oftentimes we don’t say what’s in our hearts and minds because we think we won’t be heard, or for fear of rejection. The fact you can speak so freely here is something to be cherished. Even if it’s about getting spanked.” He closed his eyes. “It’s what makes a house a home. And I, for one, enjoy the home you’ve made.”

I watched as Darren and Vince jostled Jeremy. He was chuckling, his eyes bright.

And as if he could feel me looking at him, he turned his head toward me. His smile softened, and he winked at me before turning back to the brothers.

He looked like he belonged.

Like he fit.