C is for Carter

“I know you probably don’t think that. And I deserve that. I deserve for you to think the absolute worst of me and only think about the end of our relationship and all the bad things that happened between us. But that’s not who I am anymore. I’ve changed. I’ve done a lot of hard work and gone on a long journey to figure out who I wanted it to be. I’m a different man now. A better man. And I want you back.

“We were so amazing together once. You made me happier than anyone or anything ever has. And I think I made you that happy too. In fact, I know I did. You loved me. You loved us. We were going to have the most beautiful life together. Don’t you remember that? Don’t you remember all those dreams and plans we had? We were going to have the perfect home and a family. We were going to travel the world and see all the great art museums. We were going to drink wine and eat cheese in Paris and then compare it to Italy.

“Everything was going to be wonderful, Lauren. And it still can be. I want to be with you. I’ve always wanted to be with you. I never stopped loving you, and I don’t believe for a second you stopped loving me. At least, that’s what I have to tell myself because if I even think about the fact that you might not feel the same way about me, it makes me feel like I’m losing my mind. Like I’m going to completely crack.

“But I’m not going to think that way. I won’t think that way. You’re mine, Lauren. You always have been, and you always will be. And I’m yours. My heart, soul, and being. I can’t exist without you. I can’t breathe without you. That guy isn’t good enough for you. I’m the only one who could ever love you the way I do. I will spend the rest of my life proving to you that I’m the best man on this planet for you.

“Just please talk to me. Call me back. Or come see me. You know where I live. I miss seeing you at the diner so much. Get rid of that guy, Lauren. Get rid of him and, let us be happy again.”

By the end of the voicemail, I felt like I was going to be sick. Not because I was afraid or even particularly upset. Ashton sounded so desperate. The message was simpering and saccharine. It was like he had copied it out of the script of some terrible made-for-TV movie. All it needed was some rain in the background, and it would have been perfect. In that awful, cringy way.

I hated every second of it and deleted it, feeling a little queasy. Almost as soon as I put the phone back down on my desk, it started ringing again. I thought it might be Ashton again calling back to continue rambling. The thought made me go still as if somehow that would change anything.

Finally, I snatched the phone up and looked at the screen. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw it was Desiree.

“Hey,” I said.

“Good morning,” she said. “How’s your day been so far?”

“Fairly boring,” I said, focusing on the slow workday rather than anything else. “How about you?”

“Been good. I’m just putting some final touches on my plans for the bonfire this weekend. I just wanted to call and make sure you’re coming.”

“I’m definitely thinking about it.”

“No, that’s not good enough,” Desiree said, the slight whine in her voice making me laugh. “You were supposed to say you are absolutely coming and that it’s going to be great. You have to come. It will be so much fun.”

“Alright. You convinced me. Yes, I will come,” I said.

“Yay,” Desiree said happily. “I’m so glad. Anyway, I have to run and do a couple of things, but I’ll talk to you later.”

“Hey, Desiree,” I said before I even thought about it all the way through.

“Yeah?”

I knew exactly what was on my mind. My brain was trying to sneak telling her about Carter past me without me noticing. I stopped myself.

“I just wanted to ask if there’s anything I could bring for the party,” I said.

“Oh. Um, not that I can think of right off the top of my head right now, but if I think of anything, I’ll let you know.”

“Okay, great.”

We got off the call, and I let out a long breath. I’d almost told her about us. I’d wanted to. I held back because I knew I should go against the agreement that Carter and I had by just spilling everything. But I really wanted to. It was getting so much harder.

The guys had to work out of the office all day and didn’t get back before I closed up for the night. Carter told me from the beginning if they were out late and didn’t get back in time for the end of my shift, I should leave as normal. They didn’t want to take advantage of me by asking me to work longer hours just because they didn’t get back on schedule.