Lifeline

Stepping out onto the top deck, the air is filled with the thumping of chopper blades, cries, orders being yelled, but above it all, I hear JJ screaming, “Daniel!”

I yank against the cuffs, overwhelmed by the need to get back to her so I can tell her she’ll be okay. I didn’t save her, but they will.

I didn’t protect her, but they will.

I’m forcefully hauled down the stairs, the cuffs tearing into my wrists, then I hear Uncle Carl shouting, “That’s my man! That’s my man!” He darts in front of us. “He’s my agent!”

No, I’m not Uncle Carl. I’m not Agent Daniel O’Brien. I’m no longer the teenage boy you picked up off the floor and comforted. I’m no longer the young man you gave direction to. I’m no longer the man you’re so fucking proud of.

The cuffs fall away from my wrists, and immediately, my uncle’s arm falls around my shoulders, and he starts to walk me past the Albanians being loaded onto a boat, past the girls being hoarded to safety.

“JJ,” I whisper hoarsely.

Uncle Carl ducks his head closer. “What?”

“Daniel!” JJ sobs brokenly, and yanking free from him, I spin around and break out into a run. I fly up the stairs, two at a time, and when I see an officer trying to calm her down, I shove him out of my way and slam into JJ. Her arms cramp around me, her cry broken but relieved. I wrap her up in my arms as she sobs against my chest, and together, we stand in the middle of organized chaos.

Resting my chin on the top of JJ’s head, I watch as the Bregu brothers are forced onto another boat and pushed down on the floor. The chopper keeps circling us, snipers hanging from the sides, ready for action.

The wind from the blades whips JJ’s hair into my face, then I lock eyes with Zef Rama.

He might be in custody, but this is not the last he’ll see of me.

I’ll have my revenge.

As four years of my life come to an end, and I should feel intense relief that the Bregu syndicate’s been toppled, there’s only dishonor and guilt, so fucking thick it chokes me.

Uncle Carl comes to put his hand on my shoulder and leans closer so we can hear him above the commotion. “You both okay?”

Locking eyes with him, I shake my head.

We’re not okay.

We’ll never be okay.

PART 3

AFTERMATH

Chapter 21

JJ

Walking out of the hospital, Rossi is at my side. We head to the black SUV, and I climb into the passenger seat. After pulling on my seat belt, I lean my head back against the headrest and stare at nothing.

When I asked for O’Brien, Chief Archer said we can’t see each other until we’re both done with our debriefings.

The debriefing hangs like a sword over my head.

I’ll tell them everything except for what happened between O’Brien and me. That’s none of their business.

Rossi and Chief Archer are the only ones I’ve seen while in hospital, which was only for two days. Not because I got physically hurt, but because of my emotional and mental state.

I’m a mess.

I’m unable to cope with what happened. I need O’Brien, but protocol restricts me.

I need to see in his eyes that we’re still okay.

I need him to hold me and tell me what happened on the yacht doesn’t change anything between us.

I need him to bark an order so I can focus on something else and not the memories haunting me.

I need him.

But he’s not here to fight my demons as they surface, one by one.

I didn’t do a single thing to help those girls.

I found safety in O’Brien’s arms. I found pleasure in his body. All while the other girls were raped, tortured, and murdered.

A pair of glassy eyes ghosts through my mind. The foam around her mouth. The blue tint of her skin.

Her screams as she was raped against the railing whistles through me like a haunting wind.

Pinching my eyes shut, I try to suppress the memories, but I can’t. I’m forced to face reality, forced to face my sins.

“You okay?” Rossi asks softly.

I nod, swallowing hard on my shame. “Yeah.”

“Want to talk about it?”

Slowly I shake my head. “No.”

The SUV stops in front of my house and staring at it, I can’t find the familiarity of home.

“You have my number. Call if you need anything,” Rossi says.

I need O’Brien.

Opening the door, I whisper, “Thanks.”

Walking up the path, the front door opens, and Lindsay comes barreling out of the house. “JJ!”

My legs falter, my walls crumble, and as a sob shudders over my lips, I sink to my knees. Lindsay falls in front of me, her arms wrapping around me. A broken cry tears from me as I grab hold of her.

“I’m here.” Her voice is thick with tears. “I’m here.”