Beautifully Hurt (Beautifully Broken)

Songlist

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The Gambler – Kenny Rogers

Go Your Own Way – Lissie

Feels Like Home – Edwina Hayes

Say Anything – Tristan Prettyman

Dream – Priscilla Ahn

Violin – Amos Lee

Be Still – The Fray

We All Need Saving – Jon McLaughlin

Never Alone – Jim Brickman, Lady A

You’ve Got What I Need – Joshua Radin

Be My Only – Fm Radio

They Bring Me To You – Joshua Radin

Prologue

ELI

The Past… 7 years old.

“I’m afraid.” My hands tremble under the heavy weight of the gun. This is the first time Dad’s letting me hold one.

Dad lies down next to me and places his hand beneath mine. Feeling his fingers wrap around mine makes me feel a little braver.

“It’s good to be afraid,” Dad murmurs, his voice deep and soothing.

I glance up at him, my eyes wide. “But you’re not afraid of anything.” My dad’s the strongest person I know. I want to be just like him when I grow up.

“Everyone has at least one thing they’re afraid of, Eli.”

I wet my lips and taste the layer of sand sticking to them from lying on the ground. We’re far enough from the house, in a small clearing between the trees. Watching Dad hit one target after the other is fun, but now it’s my turn, and I don’t feel half as brave as I’d like to be in front of Dad.

Ethan didn’t come with us today. Mom gave Dad the same look she gives me when I’ve been naughty and told him Ethan’s too young.

“What’s the one thing you’re afraid of, Dad?”

Dad’s eyes leave the gun and find mine. I have the same light blue eyes and dark brown hair as him.

“I’m afraid of not being there when you, Ethan, or your mom might need me.”

I frown, thinking about what he just said.

“It’s my responsibility to keep you all safe,” he adds. “I’m afraid the time will come when I can’t do that anymore.”

“I’ll be there, Dad. I’ll keep you all safe.”

A smile pulls at the corner of his mouth, and I know I said the right thing.

“What are you afraid of?” Dad asks.

I tighten my grip on the gun again, and then I admit, “I’m afraid of not making you proud.” He frowns, so I quickly explain. “I want to be just like you when I grow up. What if I’m not as strong as you? What if I can’t shoot as well as you? I don’t want to disappoint you.”

Dad ruffles my hair. “There’s nothing you could do to disappoint me, little man. You want to know a secret?”

I nod quickly, eager to hear what it is.

“It’s good to be afraid, Eli. It means you care. You might not always do the right thing, and you might not always be good at what you do, but the secret is to keep trying. You just need to keep trying and never stop caring.”

“Like caring about you, Mom, and Ethan?”

“Not just us, Eli. One day you might meet someone weaker than you. That person might have no one who cares about them, and it will be up to you to help them.”

“One day, I’ll be as strong as you if I keep trying, right?”

“Yes, little man. One day you’ll be stronger, and you will still be afraid of something. Never back away from your fears, son. Facing a fear head-on is the only way to overcome it.”

I look ahead of me again, and my eyes jump from the big gun to the target. My stomach nervously twists and turns as I start to squeeze the trigger. The bang is loud, and the gun jumps in my hand, but Dad catches the weapon before I drop it. I dart up from the ground and run like the wind to the target, excited to see if I hit it.

When I don’t see a hole, disappointment stabs at my heart. I look around for the bullet, but there’s no sign of it.

Dang.

With my shoulders slumping, I turn around and drag my feet back to where Dad’s still lying down.

“Come on,” he says, nodding to the ground beside him. “Practice makes perfect.”

Nodding, I lie back down and take the gun from him.

I have to keep trying because a Jackson never gives up.

I’m going to keep trying until I get it right so I can be ready when I meet that person who might need me. One day I’ll follow in Dad’s footsteps, and I’ll make him proud.

Chapter 1

QUINN

Quinn 21. Eli 24.

Placing a fresh arrangement of flowers in the display window, my eyes automatically find their way to the hardware store across the road.

Eli Jackson.

Sigh.

I’ve been in love with him since my freshman year. He was a senior and wasn’t aware of my existence. He still isn’t, even though we’ve been working across the road from each other the past three years.

I was lucky that my best friend Katie arranged a job for me at The Green Leaf, which belongs to her mom.