The Passion (Notorious 2)

"Of course I am. I won't force you to be my wife."

She let out her breath in obvious relief.

Nick hesitated, at a loss about how to reassure her. "I think you have an impossibly dark vision of how it would be between us. Your fear seems almost irrational."

That made her stop her pacing. "It isn't irrational in the least. If I accompany you to America, I would have only you to rely upon. I would be completely dependent on you. What happens when you find life with me too tame? When the urge to wander strikes you? I would be alone in a strange country."

"I told you, I intend to settle down."

"And how long will your good intentions last? How long before you're lured away by the promise of adventure and danger? What would I do then?" She turned to face him directly, her gaze imploring. "You are asking me to risk everything to come with you, Nicholas. How can I trust you that much?"

The question made Nicholas wince, and he could only stare back at her. Her blue eyes were wide and dark like the ocean.

"You are focusing only on the possible disadvantages," he said finally. "Perhaps instead you should consider the advantages."

"I have considered them – and there is no contest. My life here may be dull, but at least I know what to expect." Aurora shook her head. "Besides, even if I wanted to go with you, I have responsibilities. Raven… Harry…"

"I have two sisters who could benefit from your guidance."

"What of your mother? She might not welcome another woman in her house."

That concern was unfounded Nick knew. "My mother would be no problem. In the first place, I have my own house, which I built to get out from underfoot of my family. And in the second, she would be delighted to have a new daughter, since she's despaired of ever seeing me wed." When Aurora had no response, he added truthfully, "If you're worried about leaving your horses behind, we have excellent horseflesh in Virginia. I can buy you a stableful of horses. And I have hundreds of acres where you can race to your heart's content."

Lifting her hand, Aurora rubbed her temple as if in pain. "This is not really even about me. This is about you. About the kind of man you are. Don't you see what you are doing? You are trying to rescue me from what you perceive as my discontent. You want to save me because it's so much part of your nature. You can't help yourself."

"There is far more to it than my nature," Nick replied.

"Is there? I think your nature is the heart of the problem." She hesitated. "Do you intend to be faithful to me, Nicholas?"

He didn't immediately answer.

Her smile was faint. "It is a reasonable question. How do I know you won't find someone else who arouses your interest? You desire me now, but how can you guarantee you will want me two years from now, or even two days?"

Averting his gaze, Nicholas considered the question. She was asking for more than fidelity in the marriage bed, he knew; she was asking him to remain by her side for always.

Was he willing to make that kind of commitment to Aurora? Essentially to give over his life to her?

"You don't love me," she said softly into the silence. "I'm not even certain you know what the word means."

"And you do?"

"Yes, I know. Love is kind and gentle and giving. It's laughing together, being comfortable and familiar. Sharing thoughts, common interests. It is a warm feeling in your heart… You cannot claim to feel that for me."

"You forgot passion."

"Perhaps, but passion is a weak foundation upon which to base a marriage. I don't doubt you feel desire for me, but it is purely carnal. Love is not desire."

He met her gaze directly. "You're saying you could never care for me?"

She hesitated. "I am saying I would be a fool to let myself care. I don't want to mourn you again, to grieve when you die. And it's entirely too likely that one day I will be forced to, that you will set out on one of your adventures and never come home."

"I cannot promise that I won't die, Aurora. No one can promise that."

"No. But you could try to keep yourself safe. You insist on risking your life and won't listen when I implore you to leave England." She searched his face. "Will you leave, Nicholas?"

His silence told her clearly enough his answer.

Aurora took a deep breath. "Very well, then. I will give you what you want."