To Tame a Dangerous Lord (Courtship Wars 5)
A short while later, when he returned to her room upstairs after conferring with James, Rayne had known she was weeping, even before he heard the telltale hitch in her breathing.
He couldn’t forget that despairing look in her eyes. He’d hated seeing her so upset, hated that he was the cause, her eyes hot and bright with unshed tears.
Then directly after the fight, when he’d spied her bruise and reached out to comfort her, Madeline had flinched from him.
Rayne had wanted to brutalize himself then.
He’d also vowed at that moment to help her rescue her brother from his folly. But in truth, he’d never met a woman less in need of aid than Madeline. Rayne had little doubt she would have found a way to defeat Ackerby’s henchmen on her own if need be. Madeline had remarkable nerve, undeniable courage, and ingenuity.
And he perfectly understood her fear at watching her brother being assaulted. Even so, he’d felt a chilling fear himself, seeing her battle a brute more than twice her size.
At the same time, he’d felt a fierce protectiveness unlike anything he’d ever experienced before. That, and admiration. Madeline had fought Gerard’s attacker with the fierceness of a mother tiger.
Indeed, the entire time, her actions had been motivated by love of her brother. She had championed Gerard, fought for him with an unshakable loyalty.
Rayne stared darkly out at the distant countryside. He wanted that precious loyalty from Madeline for himself. Yet he knew he would have to earn it.
He could perhaps begin by establishing more honesty in their marriage. Madeline was right—he’d been keeping countless secrets from her. A situation he intended to rectify as soon as he could arrange some privacy.
He wanted to take her home to Riverwood, Rayne reflected, not only to begin repairing the damage he’d wrought, but to care for Madeline after the difficult time she’d had. Just now, however, his pressing duties to the Crown had to take precedence over his personal affairs. Besides, sharing his secrets alone would hardly make amends for his own unforgivable conduct.
Furthermore, he had little chance of improving his relationship with Madeline unless he was totally honest with himself. Unless he acknowledged the turmoil of emotions that had governed all his responses since wedding her:
The savage jealousy that gripped you at the possibility of her having a lover.
The searing wash of anger you felt upon learning Ackerby had attempted to blackmail her.
The killing rage that ripped through you when she was struck by a brute.
And your most bewildering reaction of all….
Why had the prospect of Madeline’s betrayal been so much more painful than Camille’s? Granted, he’d been a callow youth then; now he was a mature man, with a man’s needs and perspective.
Yet that still didn’t explain the ferocity of his responses.
He could only draw one conclusion, Rayne conceded. He’d been deceiving himself for days now about his feelings for his convenient bride.
He had labored determinedly to hold himself apart from Madeline, to maintain a cool detachment. He’d tried to convince himself that none of his feelings for her went very deep. Yet she had obviously touched emotions he’d buried long ago.
He’d known Madeline for only a short time, but she had burrowed beneath his skin.
And now whenever she looked at him, her lovely eyes were dark with hurt.
So what the hell do you do now?
He wanted to ease her pain, pain that he had caused. But even more, he wanted …
He wanted … what?
* * *
Sitting beside Rayne on the way to Claude Dubonet’s cottage, Madeline did her best to push her marital woes to the back of her mind, yet they remained simmering beneath the surface, along with a profusion of dismal emotions. At the moment, however, trepidation was her foremost feeling, since Gerard’s fate was still uncertain.
Had Baron Ackerby arrived yet from Essex? And if so, would they find him at the cottage? Most crucially, would Ackerby agree to sell the necklace and renounce his threat of retribution?
Gerard maintained that Claude Dubonet would not be at home to receive them, since he was employed as a French tutor for the local gentry and had reported to his daily job this morning. Recently Claude had spent his nights at the same farmhouse as Gerard and Lynette—which belonged to a friend—for fear that Ackerby’s men might assault him as they had the Ellis housekeeper.
Apparently Gerard was not quite as worried about his future as Madeline was, judging from his hopeful smile as he held his blushing bride’s hand. Lynette was pretty, petite, and shy, but she fairly worshiped Gerard—which was likely a large part of her appeal, Madeline suspected. After years of being raised by an older sister, Gerard was happy to have someone to look up to him.