“And that’s it?” I blurted. My tone raised, and my mother gave me a look of rebuke.
“Bailey, I know it’s been a while since you’ve lived at home, but as you well know, I allow my children to make their choices. Those choices you have to live with.”
His eyes bore into mine. He didn’t say she had to live with it, but I had to. It all came back to me.
“We police our own. If your sister came to me and told me she felt threatened in any way, I would be there for her. She hasn’t. You need to let it go too.”
It wasn’t so much as I thought he was hurting her as much as I thought he might be hiding from the world. Like me, I thought. But what was he hiding from, and would it put my sister in danger? Again, I thought about my own situation. I should leave. I didn’t want to believe that someone was after me, but the hairs on my arm rose as I thought about all the warnings that had been sent my way.
My brothers came out. “Bailey said she would chaperone us,” Jake said to Father.
That put the spotlight squarely on me as I saw my father’s disapproval.
“I will, and I will leave for New York the next day,” I said.
Was that a hint of a smile I saw on my father’s lips?
“Stop dawdling. Go to your post,” Father dictated before walking away.
Mother smiled at me and went inside to herd the rest of my siblings out for the day. Not wanting to put her between my father and me, I let the matter go.
I spent the rest of the morning chores with my mother and my younger sisters in the kitchen, keeping my thoughts to myself.
My brothers had headed to the stables where they helped with the horses. Anyone from the outside seeing how my family disbursed might assume we lived in a sexist society. While on the surface that was somewhat true, we all learned how to do basic tasks, including cooking, sewing, how to care for animals, plant crops, and other tasks. We were all prepared to be self-sufficient in case we were faced with survival on our own.
When it became apparent an individual had talent in a particular area, they were sent to apprentice with someone skilled in that area. My sisters were still young enough that they were underfoot of my mother. But my brothers had shown a desire to work with horses and other animals we raised here.
Father was a crop farmer. Yet, he let them go work with Isaac in the stables. I was sure Father hoped that one of us would take over the family business so to speak.
As for me, I showed a desire for working with numbers and money. I had often wanted to handle the transactions at market. So I’d been sent to work with Betty on the bookkeeping.
Today, I spent time doing manual labor, and by the end of the day, I was so tired, I ate dinner with my family. I ended up crashing with my little sisters, too tired to make the trek to Violet’s house. Guiltily, I used my father’s reasoning of needing to leave things alone as an excuse. Vi had made it two years with her husband, and she was still alive. I had to trust she’d keep one more night without my help.
When morning came the next day, I felt rested, having had a dreamless night. My sisters were bustling about. I got to my feet to help with breakfast. When the younger ones headed off to school, I followed.
It was time to get lost in the numbers again. Plus, I’d gotten the key from my father so I could use a computer to check my email.
That was my first stop and I only had one message.
It’s important that I speak with you, lass.
I let the mouse pointer hover over the delete button. Then I clicked reply.
There’s nothing that important
I started again.
There is nothing left to say. Please stop contacting me.
I shut down the computer and locked the room on my way out. I made the short walk to the schoolhouse and lost myself in the numbers. I made new schedules and a profit and loss statement based on what I learned in school. It was a different format than what they were used to, but I hoped it would be beneficial to those who made decisions based on the profitability of our community businesses.
When Mary brought me lunch, I barely looked up. The cynical part of me guessed she’d been directed to bring me food. When she didn’t say a word, I was certain I was right.
Though I could have, I didn’t speak to her either. I didn’t want to fight about the imaginary things in her head. We were sisters, and she had no reason to hate me. But she did.