Password to Her Heart (The American Soldier Collection 9)

“Are you okay? How are your ribs?” Stitch asked her.

“I’m okay,” she said, sounding too firm for such a simple response. Lee raised one eyebrow at her tone. She felt her cheeks warm.

“I was cold before, but now I feel warm,” she told him. Tiek pulled her against his chest as they lay on the bed, her back to Tiek’s chest. Lee caressed his palm over her breasts and Tiek caressed his palm over her belly.

“We want to make love to you,” he whispered, applying pressure to her belly, maneuvering his hand under the waist of her shorts then back up again. He was teasing her. It was pure torture. So badly she wanted to say yes, and risk it all. But her fear was strong.

She looked around at the others as Tiek mumbled the word “yes” against her shoulder as he kissed her skin.

“We all do, Shawna. Will you let us love you?” Mercury asked.

She swallowed hard as tears filled her eyes. “I don’t know.”

Lee cupped her cheek. “What do you mean? Are you unsure about making love to five men or do you not feel what we’re feeling here?”

She felt the tears roll down her cheeks. Her heart ached with so many emotions. She wanted to believe that these men could love her. She wanted to feel the safety and security of their embrace and the touch of their hands on her, but she had closed off her heart for so long. She feared being abandoned, being abused, or simply having her heart broken five times over. She struggled to build a wall around her heart for so many years. Just thinking about letting down those walls and letting one person in, never mind five, was causing instant fear and anxiety.

She looked at them. She felt Tiek snug against her, yet he was frozen in place, waiting for her words of acceptance. But she couldn’t do it. She couldn’t let down the damn walls.

“I’m sorry. I can’t give you what you want. I can’t take a chance like this. It hurts too much to feel and I’m so tired of feeling hurt, abandoned, and unloved. I can’t do it.” She closed her eyes and moved her hands up to protect her breasts from their further view.

* * * *

Lee knew she was hurting. God, he hadn’t realized any of the pain and the disappointment she had gone through all her life. Like Stitch mentioned the abuse and neglect she grew up around, and then to be taken captive by that asshole terrorist. God knew what he did to her.

He ran the palm of his hand along her arm.

“I’m sure you’re scared to take a chance. I’m not going to sit here and tell you all the reasons why you should let that guard down you’ve trained yourself to keep up no matter what. I’m not. I’m just going to tell you that I’m willing to wait.”

“We’re all willing to wait, Shawna,” Tex added.

She opened her eyes and glanced at them. “I can’t promise you anything right now. I’ve never let anyone this close before.”

“You mean a boyfriend? This type of relationship isn’t like any other you’ve experienced before,” Tiek told her.

She swallowed hard. “I haven’t had any experience before.” She lowered her eyes.

Lee swallowed hard. Surely she couldn’t mean she was a virgin.

He cupped her chin, then looked at his brothers before looking back at Shawna. “You’ve never let a man touch you, make love to you?”

“Never.”

Tiek squeezed her tight and nuzzled against her neck. “You’re more than perfect.”

“We understand now. Just know that we’re taking a huge chance here, too. We’re soldiers. Trained not to feel, no matter what. You’ve changed that, Shawna. You make us want to feel and want so much more than the life we currently have,” Mercury said.

“What do you mean?” she asked.

Tiek rolled her to her back, maneuvered half over her, and stared down into her eyes.

“It means we want a future with you, here on the ranch with the five of us. We want to provide for you, grow old with you, hell, we want to start a family with you. All of it.”

“But you hardly know me. How can you be sure that this is real, and not just sexual chemistry between us?”

“We know. I can’t explain it, but we know.”

“You’re also fighting what you feel and what under normal circumstances you would see as potential, because of how you got here. You were abducted, abused, terrified, and thought you were going to die. It’s going to take time to heal. We’ll help you,” Lee said.