Thirty-five and Single

Friends.

Young.

Babies.

Those are the words she’d used to effectively shut the idea of an us down.

Karma is a dirty bitch. Hadn’t that friend word come out of my mouth when I’d gone to see Calli?

But there’s something else I can’t forget. The look on Olivia’s face when she mentioned not being able to have kids. That same frustration that had forced me to leave her so I didn’t say something I’d regret is the same that calms me some.

A conversation we’d had one of the many nights we’d shared dinner now makes sense. I’d talked about wanting kids one day and hadn’t understood her reaction. Now I do.

I shake my head and scrub a hand over my mouth, wishing I had her ex’s address. He’d done a number on her, making her believe her value lay in whether or not she could have kids. There are other ways of starting a family. But she hadn’t let me speak, which had pissed me off the most.

She’d made all the decisions about what I should want at my age.

It’s a bitch finding out the saying is true. You can’t help who you fall for.

I’d spent a year holding back. I’d even thought there was a possibility the intense feelings I felt for her had to do with the wanting. But having her hasn’t changed a thing.

Hooking up is easy. Finding a person you connect with on every level is hard. She’s the first woman in years I’ve wanted something more with.

How old she is plays no role in that. I’ve tasted heaven and damn if I won’t go to hell before I give that up.

When my phone rings, I hope it’s Olivia. Instead, I see Calli’s name.

What I’m in desperate need of is a distraction. But Calli is a bomb ready to go off. The last place I need to be is in her proximity when that happens.

Chapter Seven

Olivia

My phone rings off in the distance. I’m on the couch where I landed, having cried myself into dehydration.

It’s my birthday, I think dully as my phone finally silences.

The look of betrayal on Joel’s face replays over and over in my head.

The phone rings again, and I remember I have family who may need me. What if someone is sick or hurt and I’m too busy wallowing in a cesspool of my own making?

Bones creak and pop as I get to my feet, reminding me how old I really am. I plunge into the gloomy darkness of my bedroom and find my phone.

“Hello,” I say, taking a nosedive on the bed.

I want to bury myself under the covers and forget. But how can I when Joel’s clean, woodsy scent clings to my sheets like I’d clung to him hours before?

“Happy Birthday, Livvy.” And that’s when I start to cry in earnest. “What’s wrong?”

“Joel hates me,” I whine like a dog who wants to come inside on a cold night.

Rolling over, I tuck my cell between my shoulder and my ear. I wrap myself in covers, shivering from the frosty look Joel had given me when he left.

“Joel?”

“I had sex with him,” I say like the words are lyrics to a Taylor Swift song, sorrowful and filled with pain.

“You didn’t!” Amelia sounds like our mother when she’d scolded me in the past for doing something wrong, while trying not to laugh because it had also been funny.

“I did!” I cover my face with a pillow as if to hide from the reality of it.

“How was it? Wait.” Background noises start to fade before I hear a door close. “Okay, Corey’s here, and I don’t want him eavesdropping.”

It all comes back to me. “Traitor. How could you invite him over for my birthday dinner?”

“He’s Darren’s cousin. I didn’t invite him. He showed up and I couldn’t send him away. The kids adore him.”

Groaning, I’m reminded again that Corey will never completely be out of my life. We’d grown up in a small town in northern Maryland. The dating pool is small there, but at least my sister and I had only ended up with cousins, not brothers.

“Let’s get back to sex with Joel. How was it?”

“I was drunk, thanks to you. And when I woke, Corey was at my door, pounding like he knew I was inside.”

“Oh.”

I can hear it in her voice she knows something.

“What did you tell him?” I demand.

She sighs. “It’s not what you think. I was caught off guard. He was talking to Darren, apparently, while I was trying to get a crayon out of Izzy’s nose. I didn’t know who he was talking to, I swear. So when Darren asked if you were home, I answered truthfully and said you ought to be.”

“Great.” I start to ask about my niece and the crayon when she beats me to the punch.

“What happened with Joel? Spare no details.”