“First, let me apologize. I’m sorry. I wasn’t really angry with you.”
In all the time I’ve known Joel, he’s never once been that angry. After everything I’ve learned, I believe him.
“Calli?” I ask.
He huffs. “Seems my brother’s been talking. But yes, seeing you with him reminded me of Calli and Rhett. I’m sure my brother filled you in.”
“He did, but I’d prefer to hear your version. Are you together?” I ask, praying it didn’t sound like judgment because we aren’t together.
“No. It’s been years. She’s just a friend, if you can call it that.”
“And your son?”
I can’t breathe as I wait.
His bitter laughter precedes his words. “He’s not mine.”
“Are you sure?” I ask, my voice wavering.
“One hundred percent. I hadn’t touched her in over six months before she got pregnant. It’s impossible for me to have fathered him.”
“Yet you take care of him.”
“Yes, with money every month.” He blows out a breath. “In the beginning, after her mother kicked her out, I was there helping to take care of Aaron.”
“Like a father and you didn’t mention him to me?”
I stop and dial back my rebuke because he hadn’t owed me that truth. We’d been just friends. He’d been entitled to his secrets.
“Aaron isn’t mine. And when Calli realized I wasn’t going to be with her in any way more than friends, she took off with him. I only see him when she needs something from me. And generally, our time isn’t long enough. He isn’t a secret. He’s just not mine.”
I can hear his sadness and think a part of him wishes Aaron was his.
“And maybe I should have told you,” he adds.
“No,” I say. “I get it. If you were spending every week with him, it would have been weird that you never mentioned him.”
“No, I’m lucky if I see him a couple of times a year. Occasionally, I’ll call his grandmother and she’ll do a video chat. They only do that so I’ll continue sending money.”
I love him more for it.
“Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great you’re there for her. But why you and not his father?” I ask.
He sighs. “For the longest time, I thought Rhett was his father. I felt obligated to take care of my nephew if my brother wouldn’t.”
“What? You don’t believe Rhett’s the dad anymore?”
“There’s doubt. As I’m sure Craig told you, he looks more like me.” Which probably plays on Joel’s heartstrings too. “But our mother had dark hair, some used to say it was like midnight. Recessive genes and all that. But Calli admitted there’s another possibility.”
“He’ll still be yours, Joel,” I say, understanding his grief. “Love isn’t just about genetics.”
“I know. But sometimes love isn’t enough. Sometimes, you love someone enough, stepping back is the best thing. Maybe Rhett would step up and find out the truth once and for all if I’m not there filling in.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, breaking the moment of silence.
“Yeah, me too. I really am sorry about the other day. I never really believed you’d do something like date my brother if you knew.”
“I didn’t, and honestly it wasn’t a date.”
He brightens. “I want to make it up to you.” I’m all ears thinking of all the grand gestures he could do. “I want to set you up with someone I know.”
Shock momentarily causes a response to wedge in my throat.
“That’s not necessary,” I say as the bottom seems to fly out from under me. “I’m pretty sure I’m done with dating.”
“I think you’d click. Just give it a chance.”
Any thoughts of admitting my feelings for him evaporate.
“I’m going to have to pass—”
“Can you do me this favor?”
What I can’t do is cry. I have only myself to blame. How many times has he tried to make things work and I’ve turned him down?
“There’s something I need to talk to you about in person,” I say instead.
It isn’t a declaration of love as I replay his words. Sometimes love isn’t enough and stepping back is the best thing. But I won’t be Calli. He deserves to know there is a chance I’m pregnant because a part of me still doesn’t believe the test results. The directions say there is a possibility of a false positive.
“We can do that after your date tomorrow.”
Tomorrow. Why so fast? Am I really that disposable?
“I can’t,” I say, managing to hide a sob.
“I’ve never asked you for anything. Do me this one favor?”
It’s true. He hasn’t and I’ve asked so much of him. He’s been there for me a thousand times over the last year. I close my eyes, but that doesn’t stop my heart from breaking yet again today.
“I promise you won’t regret it,” he adds.
“Okay,” I say, though I already do. “I won’t really be good company.”
He doesn’t seem to notice my reluctance as he continues.
“He knows all about you. He’ll understand, but he’s eager to go out with you.”