12 Rounds (Knockout 1)

Sean sits up and pulls me into his lap. He kisses my temple and I plant my nose against his chest, inhaling deep. His cologne is a mixture of his essence and Burberry Brit. “I want you to feel safe with me,” he breathes into my hair. “I want you to know I’ll never hurt you. It’s too soon for us to get that intimate.”

“But you’ve hooked with plenty of women I’m sure. And I assume most of them were one night stands. Obviously you didn’t care about getting too intimate too soon then.”

He inserts two fingers beneath my chin and tilts my head up. I roll my eyes to the right, refusing to look at him. I feel hurt. Rejected. Here I am throwing it all out there, and he’s pushing it away. I don’t understand him. “Look at me Hadlee.” I ignore him and he let’s out a frustrated sigh. “Just look at me, please.” I peek over at him then turn my head in a slow manner. “You’re not now, nor will you ever be, like one of women to me, and don’t ever compare yourself to that. Those women are nothing. They’re nameless faces in a crowd. Strangers in a department store. You Hadlee, are so much more than that.”

Red flushes my cheeks and I start playing with my fingers. “Is it… Is it…” I struggle to get the words out. “Is it because I’m a virgin?”

He laughs and I frown and slap his shoulder and try to pull away from him before he hugs me tighter. “Never,” he whispers into my ear. “Actually, I think that’s incredibly sexy.” Heat circulates across my skin and travels down my thigh. He shouldn’t talk like that to me. It makes me want him more. “Do you think I don’t want this? Do you think I haven’t thought about flipping you over on the hood of this car and fucking you like crazy? Because that’s all I’ve been able to think about lately.” His gaze darkens and my breath catches in my throat. “But…” Why does there always have to be a but? “This is something special to me. You are something special to me. You don’t deserve to be fucked on the hood of a car like some whore. You deserve for your first time to be everything you’ve dreamed it would be. Something special. Something beautiful. You deserve to be made love to. The right way.”

“After we make love, then will you fuck me on the hood of this car?” I ask, joking.

He shakes his head then groans, “Oh you have no idea what I’m capable of.” I think I might have heard him growl. I lean down and rest my head in his lap. “I’ve been trying to fight off the urge to give you a birthday kiss for the last thirty minutes.”

“A birthday kiss?” I peer up at him, brow furrowed, face scrunched together in confusion. “But you already gave me a birthday kiss.”

Another deep, raspy chuckle. “No. No. You beautiful, sweet girl.” He traces the outline of my lips with his forefinger. “Not there.” Then his hand slides down my chest, my stomach, and his skin brushes against mine as his fingers dip below the waistband of my jeans. I fight off the urge to grind against him when pats the area just above my sex and says, “There.”

Chapter Thirty

~Sean~

Hadlee has fallen asleep in my arms.

The sound of her soft breathing swells in my ears, carrying a melodic tune. Her skin feels soft beneath my touch. Her body warms mine through and through. I let out an inaudible laugh and stare up into the starry sky.

Yeah…

I am a fucking sap.

The truth is, I never thought I could feel like this. I never thought I was capable of caring for another human being as much as I care for Hadlee already. Maybe that’s why everything feels like it’s moving so fast. Maybe it’s because I’ve been so closed off for so long that I’m diving in head first and I don’t even care if the pool is shallow and I break my neck.

I’ve convinced myself that it will be worth it.

That even if what we have ends badly that it will be worth all the pain, strife, and heartbreak .

I need to stop thinking like that.

I need to stop thinking that we’ll be doomed from the start.

But there’s still so much I need to tell her. About my past. About Connie and the shit I’m mixed up in with the brotherhood. About the drugs. My arrest record. The fact that I’ve shot at people and been shot at.

What if she runs away screaming?

What if I lose her?

Us?

We’re still so new and I’m already questioning this relationship.

But that’s probably because for the first time ever, I want it so damn bad.

I never thought much about having a future. Let alone a future with someone else for that matter. In fact a part of me thought I’d be dead a long time ago. That’s what it’s like when you work the streets. They’re deceitful. Manipulative. One day they can make you feel incredible. Like you just smoked the biggest joint that you’ve ever rolled and you’re so happy and so high you feel like you’re flying. The next day they can twist on you, stab you in the back, and leave you for dead, or if you’re lucky picking through trashcans for your next meal.

There were many situations where I thought this is it. I’m a fucking goner. I’ve been robbed. Held at gun point. Shanked. Had the shit beat out of me. Going through all that, plus losing both of your parents at a young age takes a toll on a person. There were times where I felt like a lifeless vessel going through all the actions a normal person would but feeling nothing when it came down to it. And even then I was never afraid of any of that. Part of me knew if that’s what I had to do to survive for both me and my sister, then I’d keep doing it.

But I’m afraid now.

And of a sweet, innocent woman, which is the funniest part about all of this.