All the Little Secrets (English Prep 2)

Oh shit. Was she down for that?

I snatched the hat off my head and ran my hand through my hair, tugging on the ends slightly to keep me level-headed. “I’m kidding.”

Her face flamed, and I had to turn around so I wouldn’t change my mind. Jesus Christ.

“I knew that.”

I couldn’t fight the lift of my cheek as I threw my hat back on. I cleared my throat before saying, “I need you to keep watch.”

We stopped in front of the very last door at the end of the hall, and silence encased us.

“What am I keeping watch for? What are you doing?”

Well… Here goes nothing.

“I need to go through my parents' things, and I don’t want Christian to come home and see me. It’ll raise questions that I’m not ready to answer.”

Piper’s eyes ping-ponged between mine. My pulse mimicked the little drummer boy’s drum. Thump. Thump. Thump. I bet if she looked hard enough, she could see it thumping along the side of my neck. Nerves started to eat away at me. I suddenly felt vulnerable, which, in the end, only made me feel weak.

“Why aren’t you ready?”

I blinked. “What?”

“You’ve been keeping this secret for how long?” Her eyes darted away momentarily. “Since that night.”

That night.

Images and lost feelings came crashing through my head as I dipped my gaze down her body—tight jeans; loose, off-the-shoulder shirt; tiny glimpse of her lacy bra strap visible. I swallowed back the urge to palm her hips and pull her body into mine.

“I’m just not ready. You should know that better than anyone.”

Piper took a step toward me, and my vulnerability increased. I took a step back. Everything in my body grew tight. I didn’t like this. The roles were reversed. Piper somehow was driving into me, causing my resolve to fall without even touching me. Her rosy lips beckoned for me to spill every last secret I had.

And fuck me. I wanted to tell her everything.

I wanted her to be my clutch. My anchor. I just wanted her.

“What do you think will happen?” She took another step closer, and I clenched my jaw. “What are you afraid of?” I felt suffocated. Like her hands were around my neck, ready to squeeze.

My mouth was sealed shut. Nothing would come out. What do you think will happen? Fuck. Bro, just say something so you can move past this conversation.

My hands began to shake by my sides. I wasn’t sure what would happen. I didn’t know how Christian would react when he found out. Would our father lie? Would he and Christian go at it again once we knew the whole story? Where exactly was my real father?

Piper’s voice grounded me. “You know Christian loves you no matter what, right? You’re his brother regardless. It doesn’t matter if you have different fathers.”

My stomach burned as if I’d gotten kicked. I placed my hand on the door jamb to keep myself steady.

I didn’t want to talk about this anymore. I didn’t want to look up and see Piper’s doe-like eyes staring back at me. I didn’t want her words of encouragement or her comfort. She saw me. I was split wide-open for her to see. I couldn’t hide behind a witty comeback or a sly smile.

“Whatever,” I mumbled, quickly unlatching the door to my parents’ room to escape. “Knock twice if you hear Christian come home. This won’t take long.” Then, I slammed the door shut, pressing my back along the wood.

It felt good to be alone and away from Piper’s prying eyes, but at the same time, it felt lonely.

I cursed under my breath and counted to ten, staring at the ceiling.

Being in this room always made me a little edgy. I used to come in here for comfort, to feel closer to my mom, to feel less alone when Dad was gone and Christian was closing himself off, but now it just made me tick.

I zeroed in on the untouched vanity. Everything was still the same as it was the last time I was in here, which wasn’t much of a surprise. As my feet carried me over to the dainty piece of furniture, something foreign came over me, and I froze, my hand outstretched toward the little drawer that had changed my outlook on everything.