Dear Love, I Hate You (Easton High)

“Who gives a shit at this point?” Lacey shrugs. “It would’ve been one thing to fuck him when we were friends, but Brie and I barely talk anymore. Plus, like I said, he’s single. Fair’s fair.”

“I thought you weren’t over Theo?” Dia reminds her.

“I’m not, not even close, but what else am I going to do? I can’t get the guy’s attention to save my life. A girl’s got to eat.”

Dia cracks a small laugh, tossing a thousandth weed gummy into her mouth. She’s been at it since she spotted Finn by the beer pong table earlier. She didn’t flinch, didn’t cry, didn’t let one drop of emotion bleed through her facade, but I kno

w from the way she downed two vodka shots back-to-back that she took it hard.

“Why him, though? Out of all the dudes at school?” Dia asks.

“Don’t get me wrong, Theo’s a fucking dreamboat,” Lacey elaborates. “He’s hot, funny, a good lay, the whole package, but I always thought Xavier had this sort of…” She pauses. “Mystery to him, you know? He’s like an enigma. I can’t tell what he’s thinking most of the time. Oh, and hello? He’s drop-dead gorgeous.”

I have to agree with her on the enigma part.

Xavier always looks miles away. Like he’s somewhere in his head, looking out onto a world of idiots and thinking to himself, I fucking hate it here. The boy seems unimpressed with the crap folks his age rave about.

And I’ve never related to anything more.

“What? It’s true,” Lacey insists when Dia snickers. “He’s unattainable. It’s like he doesn’t give a shit about being popular. The guy is too cool for the cool kids.”

She’s right.

Xavier is too cool for the cool kids.

Why?

He never wanted the title in the first place.

“Don’t ask me why, but that’s a huge turn-on,” Lacey says unapologetically. “And between us… He’s an amazing fuck. I came four times. Four.” She squeals, and I cringe at the visual. Lacey cranes her neck, sifting through the area. “Speaking of Xav, have you seen him? I wouldn’t say no to round two.”

“Not since earlier.” Dia mimics Lacey’s actions, her gaze combing the room. “I think I heard Theo say he went out to get some booze.”

The girls resume with their gossiping, and I pluck my phone out of my pocket, selecting my conversation with Zac. I never texted him back after he tried to coax me into sharing more info about myself. Ashley climbed inside my car before I could reply. I hadn’t realized I’d left him on Read until now.

I peek toward Lacey and Dia choking on shots of raspberry vodka, then back at my phone.

Should I text him?

Better late than never, right?

What if he doesn’t text back?

What if he’s asleep?

It is past midnight.

Shut up and do it.

I grab my courage by the vagina,—that’s right, balls are sensitive. Vaginas are the rightful winners here—and compose an answer.

Love: I have a tattoo on my left shoulder.

Seven minutes elapse.

No reply.

Then comes the blow to my ego.