Dear Love, I Hate You (Easton High)
“Is it something I did?” I drop the act.
“No, it’s just… you’re always so composed. You don’t like the attention, you’re not boy-crazy, you want nothing to do with popularity. And the alcohol thing because of your dad…” She winces as though the words left a sour taste in her mouth. “I can’t help feeling like a monster for wanting all those things. And when I started seeing Finn…” She flinches at his name.
The player really did a number on her.
“He made me feel like it was okay to give in to my impulses. Being with him was like a high I’d never experienced before. But then the high ended. And I tried to get that feeling elsewhere, tried to keep it going for as long as I could… no matter the cost.”
She starts tearing up.
That’s why she wanted to try magic mushrooms.
To keep it going.
“Until you walked out last night. And I realized that the high isn’t worth it if you don’t have anyone to come down to.”
It’s my turn to tear up.
“I told Lacey I wasn’t going through with it, then we got into a fight and she blocked me on Snapchat, so… I guess that’s the end of that.” She chuckles.
“That sucks, D. I’m sorry.”
To my own disbelief, I mean it. Resisting the peer pressure couldn’t have been easy, and I’m proud of her.
She shrugs. “Whatever. Lacey was a fun party friend. She’s not the friend you call at 4:00 a.m. crying, or the friend you make lasting memories with. Let’s be honest, she’s not even the friend you keep in touch with after high school. Us, this… we’re for life, Vee. I’m not losing a forever friend over a temporary one.”
I’m full-on crying at this point.
“Are we good?” Dia asks, the wretched plea muffling her voice.
“Why do you think I’m crying, dummy?” I sniff and open my arms for a hug. She laughs, advancing straight into my embrace.
I think back to Xavier’s words right then.
You’re not alone.
And for the first time in a long time…
I agree.
* * *
“She did what?” I screech so loud I startle myself. When Dia suggested we go up to my room and munch our way through her mini-muffins basket, I had no idea she’d tell me a story so shocking it’d make me want to rip Finn’s balls off his body. “She showed up at the party? The girl?”
“Yep.” Dia indulges in another gummy bear from our last sleepover—without weed, this time. “Bastard has the audacity to trap me in a corner, begging me to listen to him, then the bitch just waltzes into the party with her friends like she owns the place.”
“You’re fucking with me? Finn invited her? Are you sure it wasn’t Theo?”
“I don’t care if the queen of freaking England invited her. Point is, she was there.”
“What did Finn do when he saw her?”
“He left me there.” Her voice is weak.
“What?”
“You heard me. The asshole actually left me to go talk to her. Then I didn’t see either of them again for the rest of the night.”
“You don’t think he…” I can’t even say it.