Hollow Hearts (The Harkwright Trilogy)

I don’t react, I guess I’m in shock or something but when he pulls away, I don’t think. My hand goes to the back of his head and I hold him in place, parting my lips and giving him the access he sought.

It’s gentle but all consuming, his thumbs brush across my cheeks repeatedly as his lips connect with mine over and over again. Our tongues sweep across each other and I feel the loss when he pulls away but his face remains over mine and we share a smile. It’s bittersweet and filled with regret and loss. Regret that we waited this long and the loss for what we can never have now. It doesn’t matter what happens once I leave things won’t be the same. I won’t be the same and how could I hope for Cole to look at me and not be filled with questions over the guys I may or not have been with. Constantly wondering what we did with one another. That and how can I expect him to wait for me when I can’t promise him the same thing.

I’m getting ahead of myself here, it’s just one kiss but I’ve been crushing on this man for a long ass fucking time. Of course, my mind is going to run rampant and I feel my chest heat with the intensity of my blush as he continues to look at me.

“Cole w-what are y-you doing here?”

“I work here when I’m not at the hospital, your turn,” he replies, and it’s kind of getting my back up, I don’t owe him anything.

“I applied and I got in, that’s all there is to say. Besides, what would it have mattered if I did tell you, you think you would have kissed me and everything would have changed?” Yay to me, I didn’t stutter, maybe I’m getting better at this. A month in the presence of the Harkwrights, it’s been good practice.

“Of course it would have, one kiss would have changed everything,” he grinds out through gritted teeth.

“How?” I whisper, his next words may hold the true power of destroying me, watch out Emmet you may have some competition on your hands.

“Because if I kissed you even once, I wouldn’t have stopped. You would have owned me, you already did,” his eyes scream sincerity but I’m finding it hard to believe what he’s saying.

“Then why didn’t you say anything? You already said that age is just a number so clearly the difference between us was never an issue,” I point out and a slight smile tugs at the corners of his lips.

“I’m your sister’s doctor Luna, I worried that I would have been taken off her case. Although it would be dishonest of me to claim that was the main reason, honestly it was because I didn’t know how you would react,” he drags his hand through his hair hard and I’m itching to copy his movement, only I’d enjoy it and I wouldn’t be as rough. “Sometimes you look at me as though I hung the moon in the sky for your enjoyment, as though you want me to grab you by the hips and kiss you senseless. Other times you look at me as though I terrify you and you can’t even speak to me. So yeah, I didn’t think kissing you would have gone down as well as I’d hoped.”

“And now that you have?”

“Now I’m going to want to keep on doing it knowing that I can’t, knowing that you belong to these sadistic bastards for the next three years who will own you. They will get to have you in a way I never will,” he jumps to his feet before spinning around and trapping me in his stare. “I don’t think I can let you go Luna Carter, but I don’t know how I can keep you as long as you are here,” his words build me up and then shatter me repeatedly.

“Cole, I won’t leave, not until my time comes to an end. I wish I could have been yours,” it falls out with very little thought, because it’s the truth.

“So do I, but the thing you never realized Luna is that I am yours,” his mouth is back on mine and it’s all consuming, but it ends sooner than I’d like and Caitlyn returns not long after.

I don’t know where this leaves us but we both know we can’t take this any further, I can’t give myself to him when I don’t own the rights to that choice. I’m owned and no sense of longing will change that.

Three days later and I can finally leave the medical center, but Caitlyn is being rather strict with me and not allowing me to move around too much. I had my appendix out, it could have been a lot worse.

“That Doctor was so dreamy, I wonder if I can have my appendix out?” She says as I throw my pillow at her.

It’s nice to see a more carefree side of Caitlyn, she seems to be coming into her own since the guys left and we’re no longer competing. Although, in reality we’ll always be competing. Everyone wants a higher number and so many girls are vying for the top spot. I’m content with my number Thirty-Four, but that doesn’t mean they’ll allow me to disappear into the sidelines.

“Careful my friend, you can’t have eyes for anyone else. You know the rules,” I reply and she flinches before dropping down on the side of the bed.

“I know, I keep trying to pretend that this is a normal college but I don’t think it’s helping me. The minute they return everything is going to get worse, Daria said the first couple of months in the school year are the hardest.”

“You’ve been speaking to Daria, how? I thought the higher numbers stick together,” color me surprised.

“I saw her in the mess hall the other day, I guess a few of the other girls weren’t happy that she bypassed them and became claimed early on. She didn’t really speak to me, she just told me to watch my back and I’m paying the favor up,” she pats me on my knee before standing up and leaving my room.

About time too, I’ve had more than my fill of company and awkward silences to last me a lifetime. It wasn’t so bad with Cole as long as we were strictly patient and doctor, but anything more and things became tense. I feel guilty that I never asked how Poppy was doing but he never offered the information up either.

Why did he have to kiss me? Did he want to confuse me? Because it worked. I wish I hadn’t enjoyed it and now it’s all I can think about. It was easier when I had him locked in a compartment in the back of my mind but he’s destroyed that now. I don’t think I will be able to be near a Harkwright without seeing Cole’s face and wishing he was the one I was with. Although, Cole wasn’t the one featuring in my sex dream, oh no Aeron well and truly stole the spotlight with that one. It’s a shame I didn’t get to experience the best part.

I throw my covers off and pad over to my armchair, folding my legs beneath me. I just sit here staring at whatever book I have to hand but not taking a single thing in.

Five minutes pass or maybe ten, it isn’t like I’m clock watching as a knock sounds on my door.

“Come in,” I say on a sigh, why can’t I just be left alone?

Liam walks in with an awkward smile on his face before coming to a crouch in front of me.

“Hey, I heard on the grapevine what happened. Are you okay? I would have come sooner, but I had to make sure everything was prepared for the guys return tomorrow.”