You Never Knew Me (Never 1)

“Sore and confused, what did Noah want to speak about?”

His eyes suddenly look sad, he looks at me with soft eyes and tries to smile at me but instead it’s a grimace.

“Hennie, do you like this boy?” Dad looks like he wants me to say no, but I won’t lie to him. Lies always end badly.

“I really do, if I was a better person I’d probably try to do something about it. But he doesn’t feel the same way and even if he did, he deserves better than me. Dad, after what I did, why should I get to be happy, she might not be, and you won’t even tell me how to get in contact with her.” This is a real sticky subject for us, he thinks he’s doing right by me, but I want the chance to apologise even if I don’t deserve it.

“Henleigh not this again, you did your time and you wrote the letter. You can’t keep punishing yourself for it, you aren’t the only one t

o blame. Your mother and I shoulder the blame right alongside you. As for that boy, I can't tell you how to feel but you might not have a happy ending in store with him.” He’s giving me the ‘Dads know best’ stare, not that it’s ever worked on me in the past.

“What if we could be happy now though?” So much hope rests in that simple sentence, but nothing is ever easy and simple in this life, not even Noah and me.

“My dear girl, you have a beautiful heart and soul. I think you are perfect for him and you should not presume to know how he feels, just know that if he turns you down it isn’t because of you. He has a lot to deal with, but maybe you can bring him a little joy.” He sounds wistful, but there’s more melancholy than I would have liked to hear, what does that mean? What did Noah say to him?

He drops a kiss on my head and moves towards the door, but he steps back in just before he leaves.

“I wish you would come back; but after making you come here, I won’t make you come home as well. Just be careful, and I want you to press charges, but we will talk about this in the morning, try and get some rest,” he says, before blowing me a kiss and walking away.

I roll onto my side and I can’t hold in the slight cry that slips out as pain shoots through my stomach and across my side. Noah is up and by my side so quickly that I can’t help but wonder if he was ever really asleep. Did he hear what me and my dad spoke about? And if he did, will he say anything or keep it to himself?

“Hey it’s okay.” He’s stroking my hair and a nurse comes in to top up my pain relief.

Once she’s gone, it's easier for me to find a comfier position even if it does still hurt a little.

“How much did you hear, and please don’t lie to me.” My eyes are watery, and my voice is weak from the medication, but he can hear how serious I am.

“Not a lot, just how wrong you can be,” he says, and I must look confused or something because he continues to speak, “I don’t deserve better than you. I’d be so freaking lucky if I could have you to myself but there are things you don’t know about me, and I’m not ready to share them yet.”

“We all have our demons, and I’m not ready to share mine with anyone either. I’m not ready for the hate and to risk losing the people I didn’t even realise I needed, it's just that I'm not sure I could give you all of me,” I reply and he strokes his hand down my arm as he climbs up next to me and I lay my head on his chest.

“You have feelings for Elijah and Amias.” It’s not a question, he already knows that's how it is.

“I’m afraid so.” I can’t look at him, I don’t know how he would react and I’m too chicken shit to see it for myself.

“It’s okay, I won't start something with you that I’m not sure I can finish. If my demons disappear however, be sure that I will fight for you.”

His mouth drops down upon mine, his tongue teasing me, but he withdraws it as I open my mouth. Instead I chase his and pull his bottom lip into my mouth but as I move the pain radiates through me and I gasp which has him pulling away.

“Try and get some more sleep, I’m not going anywhere. I won’t kiss you again Leighbear, not until I know for sure, I just couldn’t resist.” I’m glad he kissed me, I just wish it could happen again and again. I don’t think I can ever get enough of Noah.

I snuggle into him and I drift off, feeling safe and content and knowing that I won’t go to the police. What if it only makes it worse?

He’s still next to me when I wake up later in the day. Dad is still trying to convince me to go home but it’s not going to happen. Besides, I didn’t think I was welcome in our hometown just yet.

Noah is being really sweet, and he keeps holding me and stroking my hair, but I know he meant what he said. That kiss was a one-time deal and I really wish it wasn’t, selfish I know but I can’t help who I want. Even if it is three guys. They’re livid when Noah tells them what happened, but I convince Amias not to come back. He rarely ever gets to see his parents, I’m not robbing him of it. As for Elijah, he made it clear he’ll be back as soon as he can, and they will not let me out of their sight anymore.

I’m not telling the girls at all and I’ll suffer the consequences when they get back. The guys really don’t seem bothered by the fact that I've been in juvie and it’s confusing.

The rest of the week is spent with me arguing with my father that I will not press charges. I then have the same argument with the three males in my life. Noah spends nearly every moment with me, he is such a mither. Elijah is back after four days and they tag team me, in between secret discussions that they have in my room. They also look at me while they’re talking and yet, I can’t hear a damn word. It’s not fair in the slightest.

“Cheer up Hen, or will you find a reason to hate that name too?” says Elijah with a devilish grin, that boy is too damn hot for his own good.

“I can live with it, although my dad calls me that too. So, your choice big guy. And I will cheer up when you talk a little louder, whispering is very rude.” I’d put my hands on my hips if I had the energy but a glare will have to suffice.

They are laughing at me, unbelievable. Noah comes over and gives me a hug before he disappears to wherever he goes when he isn’t hovering around me, and Elijah looks like he’s plotting something.

“You think whispering is rude, well I feel the same way about playing favourites,” Eli is grinning like a Cheshire Cat and I do not like where this is going. “I can’t believe you prefer Amias and Noah over me, sure you’ve only kissed Noah once but you spend more time with him. And Amias can’t even keep track of how many times he’s frenched you.” He’s batting his lashes at me as he wipes away pretend tears.