You Were Never Honest (Never 2)

“I don’t want to stay here for another two years, plus the sooner I catch up the more rehab I can do,” and that’s the last personal thing he says as we get stuck into our wo

rk, thank fuck he’s smart. It’s really easy to tutor him when he applies himself.

This could work, this won’t make up for my misdeeds but maybe it's a way to show him that I’m not evil incarnate. It would be great if I could get rid of at least one of my haters, we’ll never be friends but acquaintances never hurt.

Halloween is fast approaching and everyone I know is leaving for a week, Dad can’t make it down and he didn’t even ask me to come home this time. I’m not sure if I’m relieved, hurt or a mixture of the two.

Noah feels bad for leaving me but I think it’s a good thing, it gives me a chance to be alone and finally figure out what I’m going to do about Amias.

I feel like crying as I wave them away, but I refuse to be a sappy sod, it’s only a week for crying out loud. Besides, there’s a fitness centre, a massive library and some great places to practise my photography. I am well and truly set.

I think I’m going to go for a run and decide whether I should ring Mattias to see if he’s discovered anything or wait for him to get back first.

I always feel so free when I run, like nothing can keep me down. But she’ll never feel this way, I am so sorry Rebecca. I come to a dead stop as I let the tears fall, no one will see me and I don’t care that the ground is damp as I fall down to my knees and cry into my hands.

“Henleigh are you okay?”

I must have jumped a foot off the ground, what is Benjy doing here? I thought he’d leave when Harrison... did. Hang on, Harrison did leave. Right?

“I’m fine, really,” I say trying to hide the proof of my lie and his arched brow is screaming at how much I’m failing at that right now.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asks and all I can do is shake my head and we both hear it at the same time, Harrison calling for him.

“I better go, would you like to join us?” I appreciate the offer, truly I do. But a pity invite isn’t the kind of thing that dreams are made of and it only makes me feel worse.

“I don’t think I’d be very welcome, but if he still wants to study over our week off, I’ll be in the library at our usual time,” I say, as I stand up and brush myself off before running in the opposite direction of wherever they were headed.

I can’t believe he’s here, I wasn’t expecting it. His one chance to get out of studying with me and he didn’t take it, although Benjy may be putting him up to this.

“What are we covering today?” he asks, and he’s almost civil.

“It’s a holiday, why don’t you pick today,” I say as I turn our schedule face down.

Blow me, is he smiling? No, surely not Harrison never smiles when I’m around unless it’s to be condescending or one of his typical ugly smiles that make me want to punch him. Which of course makes me feel guilty seeing as he’s in a wheelchair because he got punched.

“History always fascinated me, but I think I’d like to do English today. It’s your favourite anyway and you may as well get some enjoyment whilst you're stuck with me.” Hang on, is he being serious. He wants to make this somewhat enjoyable for him, what the fuck is going on?

“Whatever you want, also I’m going to be free around this time for the week. We could probably cover a lot of what you’ve missed if you’re up for it?” Why am I offering this, shut up Henleigh.

“Sure why not, the more we cover the quicker we can end these sessions,” he replies and I feel at ease, I just don’t know why.

We go over the facts from World War I and II, before I kick off our English lesson. However we soon start looking into things that have no relation to what we need to study. But it’s almost fun and I’m enjoying it, sure the company could be better but he seems to be in a good mood today and I’m counting this as a win.

“I swear you calling me H sounded so familiar, why is that?” he asks suddenly and I don’t know how to respond.

I can’t tell him that I visited him in the hospital or that I pretended to be his girlfriend so I could keep him company. He’ll want to know why and I’m not sure I completely understand the reason myself.

“No idea, maybe someone has called you it before,” I say and he looks at me with narrowed eyes before shaking it off.

“Why do you hate me so much? Is it really because I sat in your chair?” I know that can’t be the only reason and my tone screams how much I doubt it, but I have to ask. As my father always used to say, if you don’t ask you don’t get.

His eyes shutter and his face grows dark, I shouldn’t have asked it’s just going to make him be a dick all over again.

“Because I don’t like the person you are, I’ve judged your character and I’ve found it severely lacking. Nothing is going to change that, no matter how much you put on this act of being someone who cares and thinks of others.”

“It’s not an act, don’t get me wrong I can be selfish and I’ve done some really bad things in my time but it doesn’t mean I’m a fake.” What is the best way to describe myself right now, I won’t wrap myself in tin foil and call myself silver, but I’m not as despicable as he seems to think. “This is me, I help people, I’m smart, I defend myself and those I care about and I make reckless decisions that sometimes I regret and wish I can change. But not all the time, sometimes it works out for the best,” I say and he doesn’t like my reply.

“You won’t make me see you differently Henleigh, in my opinion you deserve nothing more than to suffer for the rest of your life. I guess it just won’t always be me that causes it.” Does that depress him, the fact that he won’t be the only one to make me miserable, what does that say about him.