You Were Never Honest (Never 2)

I don’t know what to say, could this have come at a worse time for me? Or maybe this is the best time, I’ve been wracking my brain over what I need to do in regard to the guys.

“Hey, I really need you to say something please Leighbear. Even if it’s no, and I’d understand if it is.” His voice is thick with emotions, and it breaks at the end.

“Noah,” his name is a whisper as I lean into his hand.

Screw it, this isn’t a passing fancy for me, it’s real. I’m pushing up against him, trying not to overthink it, I can’t. The moment our lips connect I lose all track of thought and the ability to breathe.

His hands are on my hips and he’s squeezing enough that I want to groan, but I’m not going to; it would be mortifying. His hands are gliding up my sides, over my waist and up my back until they’re tangling in my hair. It’s a good thing I don’t care if my braid gets messed up because it is not going to come away unscathed.

He’s breaking the kiss before he leaves a trail of hot, scorching kisses down my neck and across my bare shoulder before quickly pulling away and taking a few steps back.

Oh thank you universe, I was so close to saying just screw it but I’m not ready for that step yet. I’m turning eighteen in a week and I’m more than happy to see it begin as a virgin, but man is it bad that I want to lose it to Noah?

“Sorry, was getting a little carried away there,” he says with a sheepish smile and I’m laughing even though I’m trying not to.

“Noah, even when you get carried away you’re the perfect gentleman. You have nothing to apologise for,” I say as I break the distance and pull him into my arms.

I have to say it, I can’t keep it from him. Besides, if we only have a year, it’ll be his choice if that does happen, stubborn bastard. Then I want it to be built on honesty, he knows I have secrets but I won’t keep this one from him.

“I need to tell you something and you may change your mind once I do.” I swallow hard, and my skin feels too tight for my body. Can you feel claustrophobic by your own skin, because I do right now.

“Can’t see how that could even be a possibility, but say whatever you need to Leighbear. No judgements here.” So much sincerity shines back at me from his chocolate brown eyes.

“I don’t know if I’m cut out for a relationship but I want to try, with you. Only, it can’t just be you. I’m sorry Noah, you deserve someone who can be with you and only you, one hundred percent. I just don’t think I can be that.” I have to take a moment, draw in some extra strength, before I say the last part. “I don’t know if I’m even capable of being with multiple guys but I think I’d like to try and even though it’s not fair, I don’t want to have to share you guys in return.”

I’m sitting on the edge of his bed with my head in my hands, why did I have to say this? Because it’s the right thing to do! I really hate my inner voice at times like this, she always seems to be right.

“Henleigh, I already saw this coming. I don’t really know how I feel about it to be honest with you, but I’m happy to give it a shot. Besides, I like Lija and Amias, I mean if those are the guys you want to try this thing with. And as for the last part, I am so glad you don’t want to share me.” I can hear the relief in his voice and it matches mine to a T. It's like that moment when you’ve been stuck in a desert with nothing but mirages and then you realise you’ve finally found something real. You’ve found your salvation. “I only want you, no one else. Honestly, any other girl can jog right on. So, I’ve said a lot more than I usually do, can I shut up now?”

I’m laughing again, these guys are always doing this to me and it’s nice. I can’t answer the question about Amias though, not yet. These guys are friends, I only feel able to talk to the girls about this and unfortunately, that doesn’t include Ivy either.

I can’t believe I didn’t get to see Elijah last night, I need to tell him myself. I can’t have him finding out from Noah, that isn’t fair to him.

I think this is why I’m pacing outside of his door at six in the morning. I should not be up and dressed right now, I’ve clearly lost the plot.

No, it’s okay. I’ve just got to knock on his door, probably wake him up in the process and then get it all out in the open before classes start. Otherwise lunch is going to be unbelievably awkward.

The knock sounds so loud

or maybe I’m just hitting it too hard, I really need to get a hold of myself.

“Hen, baby what’s wrong?” He asks as he opens the door.

Oh gawd, my mouth is as dry as the Sahara desert. Does he not own pyjamas, why is he opening his door in only his boxers and come on Henleigh, stop looking at his groin.

“Erm Hen, my face is up here,” he says and I see a cocky smile spread across his lips.

“Are you going to invite me in?” I ask, holding back my own grin.

“I don’t know, are you sure you can control yourself,” his eyes are burning into mine, I wouldn’t be surprised if I come away with a sunburn after this.

I slap him across the chest, but he’s capturing my wrist and holding my hand in place, right over his heart. I can feel it racing, almost in time with my own. I guess I’m affecting him just as much.

He tugs me into his room and I’m falling against his chest just as he kicks the door closed. I am more than aware of the fact that he is practically naked and pushing my free hand against his chest only gives him another one to seize.

“What are you doing Eli?” Why does my voice sound so husky? It’s making his eyes darken with lust. I really hope mine aren’t doing the same, someone needs to be the voice of reason here.

“I don’t know, one minute I’m pissed that someone would actually wake me up at six am and then the next minute, I’m looking at you,” I watch as his throat bobs up and down as he swallows hard and his fingers on my skin leave nothing but a scorching heat in their wake. “All I know is that your hand is against my chest and I don’t want you to remove it. This early in the morning, it’s going to be bad news right.” I know he’s worried but it isn’t coming through with his heated skin, bedroom eyes and husky voice.