You’ll Never Have Me (Never 3)

“How much danger do you think I’m in?” He asks, his tone serious and straight to the point.

“I don't want to hazard a guess, but he’s not the type to fuck around. He could make you wait for something to happen until you think he’s forgotten about you and then bam,” I shout that one word to add to its impact. “He’ll strike, and you won’t know what he’s done until it's too late. That or he’ll just walk up to you and shoot or maybe stab you, I’m not an expert on this psycho,” I say, spilling sarcasm like a broken tap spills water.

“Well, I guess you’ve got yourself a passenger,” his words shock me and I do not like where he is going with this. “If we’re both in danger, we may as well be in danger together. Safety in numbers and all that crap, what do you say Henleigh Monterey. Do you want to go on the run with me?” He raises his eyebrows and pins me with a look that screams how much he means it.

Well fuck me, I’ve already decided I won’t abandon him. I guess he’s going to be joining me, fuck my life.

“You’re in it now I guess, why not drag you in deeper,” I say it like it's nothing more than a joke, even though it’s sending my anxiety through the charts.

We talk about where we’re going to go and how long we may be gone for, we can’t really say though. Will Dante grow bored and tired after a while or will his vendetta never cease, no I need to stay positive. I need to believe that we can outrun him.

We pack up the stuff that he thinks he’ll need and he rings his boss to let her know that a family emergency has arisen and he needs to return home for the foreseeable future. It sounds like she’s understanding by the one sided conversation I can hear and whatever she is saying, puts this smile on his face that leaves me a little breathless. He’s so different when he’s happy and smiling, it’s a shame he doesn’t have more reasons to put this look on his face.

He hangs up and the smile vanishes almost instantly as he looks at me, picks up his bag and walks outside. I sent all his plans down the drain and I’ve thrown his life into turmoil. The same I’ve been stuck in most of my life.

I take a look around the home he had for himself, to prove to his dad that he could make it on his own. An unbelievable amount of sadness threatens to drown me, as I close the door and carry my duffel bag out to my car. Harrison checks it before we drive anywhere, he’s handy to have around and now we are in my car and setting off. First stop London and then, who knows.

WELL, we’re not going to make it to London just yet. Mattias came through and found the name for Harrison, he even gave him a little more information to go along with it.

Damon Matterson is his name, he got shot and it smashed up his knee and another one tore through his spleen. He was recovering well and then one day he tried to end his life and when it failed he tried again and again until he ended up in a psychiatric facility. He’s still there even now, he doesn’t talk to anyone and only has the occasional visitor. Even then, he just stares right through them. I have no idea how Mattias found all of this out but I’m not sure what it means for me or Elliott. Although, guns were found in the car. Oh no, please don’t tell me he shot the poor guy. Now all I need to do is find out what this has to do with Dante.

So, we’re going to head to the facility. I doubt he’ll speak to me, but I need to try. Don’t I?

FIVE

WE ARE HEADING TO NOTTINGHAM, it's a five and a half hour car ride and we’ve decided to take it in turns driving and we’ll probably stop over somewhere for the night. That’s only so I can psych myself up, I need to do this but I do not want to at all. H is being a lot more quiet than usual but I can’t really blame him, he does look happy to be behind the wheel even if he is stuck with me.

“Can you stop watching me, it’s really unnerving,” he says as he shoots me the side eye.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about...stuff,” I say quietly, turning to stare out of my window.

“What’s on your mind?” He asks, not that it really sounds like he wants to know. Why do people ask if they don’t care?

“This is going to be really awkward and hard isn’t it? You're stuck with someone you don’t want to be around and you don’t even know why you’re a target. Other than knowing it's my fault, somehow,” this is so frustrating.

“It’s not that bad Henleigh, and to be fair in another life, I think I’d like you. But right now we need to focus on getting you in to see that Damon guy and then figure out where to go from there. Our weird arse friendship is the least of my worries,” he clenches his jaw as he stares straight ahead and we just keep on driving.

By the time we pull up to a travel inn, my entire body is stiff and my arse is numb. I almost want to cry in relief as I get out and stretch to my heart’s content. H isn’t as joyous by this as I am but he gets us a room and we settle in for the night, it’s as he takes a shower that I pull my phone out and dare to check it.

There’s nothing, he didn’t bother to reply and it guts me more than I thought it would. Maybe it’s time for me to read his letter, I’m not ready for Elliott’s but I can do this.

HEN,

I didn’t want to leave like this but I couldn’t watch you walk away, I love you, we all do but you’re making it hard. I know you’re going to do something stupid and you won’t let me help you, I thought I had proven to you that you could trust and rely on me. The fear is pouring from you and I feel utterly useless, I meant what I said about only

being a phone call away but I won’t be waiting around for that call. I won’t be moving on from you, how could anyone ever do that? But I can’t put my life on hold either, I’m going to uni, maybe you’ll ring me one day and we can be together or maybe this will be the last thing I ever get to say. If that's the case then I’ll finish the only way I can imagine doing it.

Henleigh Monterey, you are an incredible, intelligent and truly beautiful person. I love you with every living ember within me and I know it will never die out completely.

Forever yours,

Elijah

I WILL NOT CRY, I will not cry. I can hear the shower shut off and I’m quickly wiping at my face as Harrison comes back into my room and my brain forgets how to function properly.

He’s all hard lines, smooth planes and definition. He has the perfect V disappearing into the towel wrapped around his waist. A trail of hair working is way down from the middle of his chest and disappearing into the same place as the V. His legs are all muscles and his pecs look as though you could bounce a pound coin right off them. I can’t help it as my tongue slips free from my mouth and swipes across my, dry as the desert, lips.

“My eyes are up here Henleigh,” he says and my eyes snap up to his smirking face and I have a whole new appreciation for him.