Fix Me

“I could have modeled in Florida,” I spat. “You didn’t know because you didn’t want to know. You washed your hands of the whole situation.”

“I called to check on you several times, Mom always told me you were gone or you were busy. You weren’t exactly talking to me either.”

“Because I was pissed. I’m still pissed.”

“You’re much stronger than I was,” she said in a soft voice. “I saw you with her and you were so patient. You were a natural when it came to taking care of her. I couldn’t do it. I just got angrier and angrier and hated her more every day. She wasn’t exactly fond of me either.”

I was still mad and I was still hurt that she had been able to walk away from me without a second thought, but I understood her reasons. “Are you going to see her?” I asked.

“I don’t know.”

“You should,” I told her.

“I want to, but what if she hates me?”

I heard the childlike fear in her voice. “She doesn’t hate you.”

“She has never forgiven me for leaving. She’s pissed that I got married without saying anything to anyone. She’s pissed that I wasn’t around.”

I shrugged. “She’ll get over it or she won’t. You don’t have to worry about it; you’ll be going back home. If she doesn’t want to talk to you, that’s her loss.”

“You’re a pretty smart kid, even if you are a pain in the ass,” she teased.

“I haven’t been a kid for a long time. I’m not sure I was a kid when I was actually a kid.”

She shook her head, taking a bite of pizza. “No, you weren’t. We were both forced to grow up way too fast. I blame her.”

“I blame dad,” I replied.

She laughed. “We got a really shitty deal in the whole parent situation.”

“Yes, we did, but I think we both turned out okay.”

“Speak for yourself. I’m a hot mess.”

“I’ve got my own issues, but in the grand scheme of things, we’re doing alright.”

She smiled and for one brief moment, I was taken back to happier days when she and I would hang out and eat pizza while mom slept off one of her headaches. “I have to say, when I heard you were moving to California, I really didn’t think it would stick. I figured you would turn around before you ever made it to the west coast.”

“I almost did, several times, but I’m determined to break free. I have to.”

She reached over and put her hand on my arm. “Yes, you do. You’ve got a good thing going here. I’m not sure I like the idea of you taking on another invalid, but I like you trying to have your own life.”

I frowned. “Bree isn’t an invalid.”

“Then she should stop acting like one.”

“She’s trying.”

“Is she?” she questioned. “That surgery certainly seems like a ticket out of her misery. Think about Mom. Think about the choices she’s made. She doesn’t have to be sick. You and I both know most of the time she isn’t sick. She makes herself sick and expects everyone else to take care of her and pity her. She’s made a life out of being a victim.”

“Bree isn’t like that.”

“Mom didn’t use to be like that either. You might not even remember her when she was healthy and happy. It was like one day she caught a cold, and the next thing I knew, it was ten years later and that cold had morphed into every serious illness on the planet. She liked the attention she got and couldn’t let it go.”

“Bree isn’t Mom. She’s going to get through this. It’s still very new and there is a lot of trauma to deal with.”

“Okay, but don’t let it go on. If she wants to be sick, that’s her choice. You don’t have to be the one that takes care of her.”