Fix Me

“I’m glad you are talking to me, but I’m not sure how much help I can be. I don’t want to say the wrong thing. I want to make sure you are getting the best help you can get, physically and mentally.”

She was quiet for several seconds. I let her be. I let her sort through her thoughts while I sorted through my own. “I want the surgery,” she said, after being quiet for so long.

I blinked, trying to school my features to hide my shock before I remembered she couldn’t see my expression. I let my surprise show. “With Ellis?”

“Is there someone else willing to do it?” she teased.

I laughed. “Wow. I don’t know what to say. This is a good thing, right?”

She took a deep breath. “Yes. I think it is. I hope it is.”

“When did you decide?”

“A couple days ago,” she said with a coy smile.

“What?” I shrieked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Honestly, because I wasn’t sure I could do it. I didn’t fully make up my mind and I didn’t want to tell you I would do it and then back out. I didn’t want to let you down. If I backed out, only me and Ellis would know.”

“So, you’ve talked to her?”

“Yes.”

I shook my head, surprised by her initiative. It was a flash of the woman I had gotten to know before. It was the real Bree fighting to get out of the broken body she was in. “Wow,” I said again.

“Is that a wow, you are excited or wow, you’re angry I didn’t tell you?”

“It’s a wow I’m proud of you.”

“Ellis didn’t tell you?” she asked.

I winced, thinking about our last conversation. I had been a little rude. “No, she didn’t. I haven’t talked to her.”

That seemed to satisfy her. There was a little smile on her face. “Oh.”

“When do you go for an appointment? I assume there is a pre-op or something.”

“She was flying to Chicago and said she would be back Sunday to check on me. I think she expects me to change my mind.”

“I’m sure she wants you to be confident in your decision. Does your dad know?”

“Nope. I told no one.”

It all made sense. It explained why she had been withdrawn. It also explained her mood swings. “You’ve been keeping this all in. No wonder you’re stressed out.”

“I know this sounds horrible, but I have to talk myself into it almost every minute of the day. When I fell, I kept thinking about the surgery and what if it didn’t fix my eyes. My entire life depends on this surgery. I don’t like anything having that much power over me, but it does.”

“It is a huge decision. You do what feels right. Everyone in your life will support you no matter what you decide.”

“Except my dad,” she quipped. “I don’t think he will ever forgive me if I decide against it. I can already feel him pulling away.”

“Your dad is struggling with the fact that he can’t control the outcome. He’s a powerful man used to getting what he wants. This is one thing he cannot do on his own.”

“Stay with me tonight,” she blurted out.

“Bree,” I said in a warning tone. “I can’t.”

“No sex. I just want you to hold me. I don’t want to be alone.”