Fix Me

“The day. I don’t understand what you’re doing here.”

“What’re you talking about?” I snapped. I was beyond frustrated with her. I was pissed and felt like she was intruding on the life I was trying to build.

“You and that pretty little Bree. The girl is needy and so not right for you. She’s all about herself. You doted on her and she acted like she was a princess to be waited on hand and foot.”

My mouth dropped open. I shook my head, taking a seat in one of the pretty blue chairs that matched perfectly with the airy, open living area. “She is not selfish. I didn’t dote on her, but even if I did, that’s what I am paid to do.”

“This place isn’t right for you,” she said, completely ignoring what I had said. “You don’t belong with these uppity folks. You’re a Texan. You need to be at home where people smile when they meet you and the men are real men. California is going to make you soft.”

I shook my head. “I have no idea what you are talking about. I like it here. I’m not going back to Texas.”

“Luke, please!” she wailed. “I

need you more than this girl does. She can still get around. She’s healthy and you said she might get her sight back. Her rich daddy can hire her a whole slew of nurses. I can’t afford that kind of luxury. I need you.”

“No, you don’t,” I insisted. “You’re fine. Look at you. You’re healthy. You’ve got good color in your cheeks.”

She flinched as if I had slapped her. “I’m healthy right now, but you know I can take a turn for the worse at any minute. That little girl doesn’t need you. She’s toying with you. She only wants you because you’re handsome. You’re just the shiny new toy.”

“She can’t see me mom,” I pointed out. “She isn’t the one toying with me.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” she asked, glaring at me.

“You know exactly what it means.”

“You need to come home where you belong.”

I sighed. “No. I don’t. I’m not going back.”

“What happens when I get sick again? You know it’s only a matter of time.”

“Mother, there is nothing wrong with you. All your illnesses are in your head. You make yourself sick.”

The words hung in the air. I couldn’t believe I had actually said them aloud. Judging by the look on her face, she was just as shocked as I was. I had not meant to say it. I thought it, but I didn’t mean to speak it aloud.

She pointed a finger at me. “How dare you? How dare you speak to your mother that way!”

I sighed, giving up all pretense that we had a typical mother and son relationship. We didn’t. We never wood. “It’s the truth mom. You need help.”

“How dare you!” she shouted. She jumped to her feet, proving she was healthy.

“Mom, I can’t do this anymore. I just can’t.”

“Do what? What do you do? You’re just like your father. He was worthless when I needed him. He couldn’t uphold his vows to love me during my sickness. Then your sister up and left me. Now you have abandoned me! I don’t deserve this. I’m your mother! All I have ever done is care for you and work myself into what will surely be an early grave because I was left alone to take care of you.”

It was the same old shit. She always tried to make me feel guilty for being born. She wanted me to feel guilty for being such a burden. “You haven’t taken care of me in a very long time mom. I started working when I was fourteen to put food on the table.”

“Modeling isn’t working and I’m the one who got you those jobs. I’m the one who drove you all over the place and paid for you to get those pictures.”

“And you made sure you got paid for your trouble,” I spat. “You took all the money I made because you were too sick to work. I took care of you, Mother. I have always taken care of you. I want to live my life now and I’m going to. You got to live yours. I want to know what it is like to have freedom. I want to know what it’s like to love someone and be loved in return.”

She rolled her eyes. “Oh, poor you.”

“I am not going to feel guilty for wanting to live a normal life. You certainly weren’t taking care of your parents at my age. This relationship is toxic and I have to get out before you suffocate me.”

“I don’t like the man you have become Luke Turner. California has changed you. Hanging out with that woman has changed you. I don’t like it.”

“I. Don’t. Care.”