Fix Me

“She wasn’t bad,” I quickly said. “I did enjoy talking to her. I just got the feeling she didn’t really care for me.”

“She doesn’t care for anyone.”

“Does she know about us?” I asked him.

“I haven’t told her, but Lisa probably did. I don’t talk to my mother about things like that.”

I slowly nodded. It was a problem I didn’t have the energy to solve. If and when Luke and I declared we were an item, I would deal with Charlene. I would charm her and show her I was the best woman for her son. The moment I had the thought, I questioned it. What if I was permanently blind? How could I convince Charlene I was worthy of her son when I was technically considered disabled? He would be forced to take care of me. I would be a burden.

“You know,” I started. “I think I’ll just go to bed.”

“You don’t want your tea?”

I shook my head. “No. I’m just going to lay down.”

“Would you like me to sit with you?”

I was going to say no and then changed my mind. “I would like that.”

“I’ll bring the tea, just in case you change your mind.”

“Thank you.”

“Do you want me to get the meds? I’m assuming you’re taking Ambien?”

I smiled, forgetting he was an actual nurse with actual medical knowledge. “Yes. I don’t like it though. I really don’t.”

“I’ve had other patients tell me the same thing. We’ll try it the old-fashioned way first.”

I nodded, already knowing it wouldn’t work, but I was damn well going to try. I knew how this little ride ended. I would be stuck in a horrible limbo of not sleeping for days. I would feel drained and cranky and then sad. I wouldn’t want to eat, and it would just turn very ugly.

“Works for me.”

A minute later, his hand was on my elbow, guiding me back to my room. I was glad I didn’t have to be anywhere. I was glad I couldn’t see the sunlight pouring through the bank of windows facing the backyard. I was glad I could stay in my sweats and crawl into bed for the day.

“Do you want a sip or two of tea before you get back into bed?”

“Sure, since you made it and all.”

He laughed, taking my hand and placing my hand on it. I took a tentative sip and sighed with delight.

“Good?” he asked.

“Very good.”

I took a few more drinks before handing him the cup. He helped me into bed, pulling the blanket over me. It reminded me of being tucked in when I was a little girl. I hoped the feeling of contentment would help lull me to sleep.

“I could rub your shoulders, brush your hair, sing,” he teased.

“You just being close is enough,” I told him.

“Alright. I’ll be quiet as a mouse. Close your eyes.”

I did what he said.

“Slow your breathing,” he instructed. “In through your nose and slowly release it through your pursed lips. Think about your toes. Are you thinking about your toes?”

I giggled. “I am now.”