Inked

He is everything that I asked for tonight, but I’m scared that everything will change now.

No, what am I talking about? Of course it will change. There’s no way it can’t. Isaac won’t see me in the same way. He’ll know that I’m not a strong woman, and that I come with all kinds of baggage.

Tears now come even harder, for Jane and for myself. I don’t want to feel sorry for me, but I do. I can’t help it. Jane wants me to get a life and I can’t even do that right. I’ve effectively pushed Isaac away now, and he was all that I had. My feelings for him are everything, the only bit of life I have to cling on to.

“Where are we going?” I suddenly ask curiously. “This isn’t the way to my place.”

“I don’t know where you live.” Isaac laughs sheepishly. “So, I thought that we could go to mine.”

“You’re inviting me to your place? You don’t have to do that, I’m a mess.”

“I don’t want you to be alone tonight. No one should have to be by themselves when they’re this sad.”

My heart dips and leaps. I don’t know how to feel about this. It makes me fall even deeper into love with him, which is an incredibly dangerous place for me to be during this fragile place in my life.

“That’s… that’s really sweet of you. You’re a really nice person, Isaac.”

It’s almost laughable how much I hated him when I first met him. It’s crazy. I assumed that he was nothing more than this arrogant asshole who just wanted to torment me for no reason. And maybe he was then, but now, he’s different. He’s caring and loving, the perfect gentleman. The sort of person who I would imagine myself with… even if he is straight laced and always in a suit, rather than the alternative look that I would normally go for… but that doesn’t mean I’m going to get him. Not now.

His arm slings over my shoulder, making butterflies flap in the pit of my tummy. He’s being just as affectionate as I would like him to be in this situation, but it means that it’s going to hurt more when he goes. Still, for now, I can’t resist leaning into him and falling against his chest as we walk, allowing him to take some of the weight from me right now. My eyes fall closed and I allow him to walk me wherever he wants. As long as he stays with me, I will be just fine. Isaac won’t allow anything to happen to me.

“Is this your place?” I ask as my eyes pop open and I see a giant home in front of me. Compared to my tiny little apartment, this is a freaking mansion. I don’t know what I would do with all those rooms. “It’s amazing.”

“Hmm, it’s okay, I suppose.” His mouth turns down into a frown. I can’t help but wonder what he has to be annoyed about. He looks like he has it all. “It’s a bit big though. I bought it when I was young and I thought that I needed everything flashy, but now I would get a place much more practical.”

I wonder if he would consider my place practical. He will probably laugh if he ever sees it!

“You could easily sell this anytime and move somewhere that you like better. That’s what I would do.”

He shrugs. “I’m sure that I will one day. But I hate moving. It’s so much hassle. And it takes forever.”

As soon as we reach the door, he twists me around and plants his lips down on me softly. It’s a loving gesture, but it fills me up, swelling me up with a warmth that I need.

“Come in, I will make us hot coco and we can chill out. I’m sure you need it.”

I nod and allow him to take my hand. The inside of the home is even more impressive. It’s luxurious and filled with the nicest things that I have ever seen. It makes me want to run back to my place, tidy it all up, so it at least looks a little better. I have to admit that my housekeeping skills have fallen to the wayside a bit with so many hours spent at work, and the hospital.

“Take a seat,” Isaac offers, showing me the living room. “Make yourself at home. I will be in soon.”

It isn’t the sort of ‘make yourself at home’ place. Not for me. Everything seems to be in its place, and I don’t want to ruin any of it. So, I perch on the edge of the couch and wait for him to come back. I notice that my heart is thundering against my rib cage, wanting to burst free. There are so many emotions bursting through me, that I can hardly keep control of myself. I don’t know what I should think, what I should feel…

If only Jane had allowed me to see her, for even five minutes, none of this would be an issue.

I dig my cell phone out while I wait, and I try to write a text to Jane, to express how I feel, but I don’t know what to say. Nothing feels right, so I chose to slide it away again, do it in the morning. If I manage to have a nice night of sleep, then I’m sure that my thoughts will be clearer.

“Here, I have a hot coco for you.” Isaac smiles at me. “My mom always makes me

these when…”

He suddenly realizes what he’s said, and he cringes, but I smile back. “You can talk about your mom.”

“I’m sorry, I just feel a bit weird. I don’t know what I should say. I don’t want to upset you.”

“Tell me about your mom and the hot coco. I would love to hear it. It sounds really sweet.”

He gives me a doubtful look, but he nods and continues in the end. “Well, whenever I got hurt as a kid or whenever I was upset, hot coco was the answer. Like medicine or something.”

“My mom was the same.” I drop my eyes downwards. “But with chamomile tea. She was always making it for me and Jane, especially as we hit our teen years. You know how teenage girls are, there is always one drama or another. One of us always had something going on so there was a lot of tea.”