Keep Me Going

“She went to dinner with a friend. Since we had lunch, I just went for something simple.” Her voice was flat, and I waited until she put the hot pot on the stove before turning her around to face me. She looked broken and I stroked her arms.

“What’s wrong?” I demanded as her eyes narrowed at me.

“I thought I lost something from the bathroom and called the apartment today. Did you know that it was ransacked after I left?” My heart froze as she spoke, knowing I hid that from her. I didn’t want her to worry and everything was already moved over.

“What did you think you lost?” I asked as anger flashed across her face.

“A facial brush that I loved. I wanted to do some girl stuff with Lind tonight. I ended up finding it, so everything was fine, but why didn’t you tell me?” She hissed at me as I glanced at Lindsay looking at something on the TV.

“You were already out and here. I know how secure this building is, Soledad. I knew that I had your safety covered and they were willing to take care of it.” I slipped my hands down to grip hers as she tried to pull away.

“Is there anything else I need to know?” Soledad asked as I let her go and stared out of the windows. “What are you trying to do, Alex?”

“I am trying to keep you from staying awake all night worrying. I want you to feel like you can come back to work like I know you want to do. I have everything taken care of, Sol.” I kept my voice down so Lindsay wouldn’t hear us, all too aware of the fact that she was just a few feet away from us. I hated hearing my parents argue when they were still together.

“I need to know what’s happening. I have that right because it’s my past haunting us. Yours isn’t as threatening, Alex. Please tell me what’s happening.” I watched tears fill her eyes and then move to the floor.

“How does she like her noodles?” I asked as Soledad’s shoulders

slumped.

“Butter and mozzarella. She’ll show you.” I called out to Lindsay and we fixed her bowl just like she wanted before going to the table. I suggested to Soledad that she take a bath and calm down, so we could talk once Lindsay was in bed for the night. I knew that we shouldn’t do this in front of her from personal experience. Soledad stalked down the hall and I heard water later as I sipped a beer at the table with Lindsay. So, this was parenting? Fuck.

I worried about Rosie, but she arrived home just as I was getting Lindsay ready for bed. It was later than planned since she confessed that she had a late nap after lunch, but I finally got her down. I went into my room to see Soledad curled up on our bed in leggings and a shirt, fast asleep.

I stared at her, unsure of what to do. I’d never fought with a woman with meaning before. That was when I usually left and found someone else. There was never any reason to stay but now I had several.

There was the little girl hopefully sleeping across the hall that I adored and this woman. I loved this woman and wanted to find a way to prove it to her. That was not going to happen by hiding the truth, but I hadn’t decided since talking to Keith that evening. He’d been keeping quiet as far as I knew, and I was thinking that it would just be best to pay him to leave us alone. With that came the chance that he could hurt someone else. Could I live with that guilt?

I lay next to Soledad in the dark, staring at the ceiling. I was beyond being angry or even wanting to avoid this topic. I needed Soledad’s input to handle this. I looked over at her as she shifted and whimpered in her sleep, sounding scared. I reached over and shook her gently, watching as she opened her eyes and sucked in her breath. “Are you okay?” I asked her as she calmed herself down.

“I had a nightmare. I think my mind is twisting all of this so much and making me crazy.” She pushed her hair from her face and I gazed down at her. “Is Lindsay okay?”

“She went down late but I’m pretty sure that she was tired. I guess she had a nap?” I asked as she nodded.

“That’s when I called the apartment.”

“Did you really lose something?” I asked as she shook her head.

“I just had a nagging feeling to call. You knew?” I nodded.

“I knew, and I was livid. Angry that you could have been there with Lindsay and Rosie and been hurt or killed. Like anything else, there’s no proof that it was Keith but we both know it was. The complex was just going to fix it and rent it out again once the locks were changed. I didn’t tell them about your history since it was such a brief time there.” I explained as she pressed her forehead against me. “There’s more, Sol.”

“What?” She sighed as if she wasn’t surprised by my words. She probably thought I lied constantly to her.

“I saw him outside of our building. Keith.” She lifted her eyes to look at me. “He is being cut off by his dad unless he fulfills something in the trust fund. If he has a kid, he gets the money.” She looked horrified and I nodded. “I know, baby. He’s desperate, even beyond that.”

“Why would his father do that if he knows how crazy Keith is?” Her voice was shaky, and I kissed her hair.

“Parents think weird shit sometimes. We both know that it’s a bad idea and somewhere deep down, he does as well.”

“He tried to kill me with the car. Breaking into the apartment? He wants me dead and to just take her away?” Tears slid down her cheeks as she started to cry.

“It’s not going to happen. I told him to leave Seattle and I haven’t heard anything further. If it takes my buying him off to disappear, I’m willing.” I held her gaze with mine. “I would do anything to keep you both safe. She’s mine now, just like you. I could take it further than that.”

“A selfish part of me wants that.” Her voice was soft, and I nodded.

“The part I hate about paying him off is that he’ll hurt someone else. He has a history of this.” Her tears slid faster, and she pressed against me. “Eventually he’ll get caught but I don’t want to see someone else hurt or worse, dead. He’s grasping at straws now.”