Her Perfect Gift

Ivy is gob smacked, it’s evident in her face. She doesn’t know what to say. While she wasn’t around during high school to see our friendship turn into feelings, she was in my life around the time of the kiss and rejection, so she knows exactly who I mean when I say Seth and she also knows what this means to me.

“But… but I thought that he lived in Hollywood now, and he never came back.” She glugs back a massive sip of wine. “It’s been hard enough for you to move on with him being in the public eye. Never mind being back here. Oh my God, you poor thing. You know if you told me, I would have helped you somehow.”

I know that she would have. That’s part of the problem, she may have kicked his ass in public and ended up in the media for being the crazy bitch who attacked him. I also don’t want Seth to know how much he hurt me, because that’s just embarrassing, isn’t it?

“I didn’t need anything. I just had to get out of there. It was too much for me.”

“I can imagine. So, did he get your attention? Did he speak to you or did you manage to escape?”

“He caught me.” I feel like shit as I say that aloud because it’s so embarrassing. “It was awkward. We had the briefest of chats, but I soon ran off. I couldn’t stand it. He’s too much for me. And now, today…”

“Today you are going to have to see him.” Ivy nods knowingly. “It’s going to be a bad day.”

“You think so?” I already thought that but having her say that to confirm my fears is a bit too much for me. “I don’t know, I know that it will be awkward, but I can try and avoid him as much as possible.”

“You definitely should because no good can come from spending time with him again.” I cock my head curiously at her, begging her to continue, which she does. “He isn’t the same person that he used to be, is he? He isn’t the boy that you knew once upon a time. He will only hurt you all over again.” When she sees that I’m not getting it, she grabs the nearest newspaper to her and opens it up at a page which shows a picture of Seth now and his father when he was younger… both of them with a string of women in pictures underneath. “See what I mean? Men can’t help it. As soon as they get a bit of fame and women throw themselves at them, they follow their cocks and can’t help themselves. Seth is now an arrogant player who will fuck anything that walks.”

Oh God, Ivy really means this. I can hear the passion in her words and her face has turned red with rage. My best friend wants to protect me from more pain… and while I agree with her it doesn’t make it any easier to digest. The person who I loved, doesn’t exist anymore. I almost grieve for the guy who I once saw a future with, my ‘meant to be’ who is gone.

“I guess so,” I reply cautiously. “So, I will just keep out of his way then. Problem solved.”

“Me and Adam will be there to protect you, and if I need to have a word with him then I will. Seth Bishop might not know me, but I know him, and I see his game.” She wiggles her finger with rage. “He can screw around with other women, but not you because you deserve more.”

Yep, I really can’t tell her about the sex dreams, no way. She will kill me. Not that dreams mean I will act on anything, but that doesn’t matter. I really don’t think that Ivy will see it that way.

I kinda want to defend the Bishop family, from the author of this article, because everything that has been said about his dad isn’t right. Well, not really. Sure, he might have been a player once upon a time, but I never saw that side of him. As far as I know, he’s always been single. According to Seth, that’s because his one true love was his mother, and she broke his heart when she ran off. He hasn’t been able to recover from it, which is actually really sad. Not that I can do anything to change that, but it’s still sad.

“Well, anyway…” I suck in a deep panicky breath. “I suppose there isn’t anything that I can do but keep out of his way, because I won’t avoid the carnival just because he’s here. That isn’t fair.”

Ivy wraps her arms around me. “Exactly. That’s the spirit. Fuck him, he doesn’t deserve your head space.”

If only I could listen to Ivy and ignore him, push him from my brain and never think of him again, but of course I can’t control myself when I let my thoughts wander. They go wherever they want. And they always seem to want to go to Seth. I think about what he might be doing, who he’s hanging out with, what he’s thinking, what he thinks about me now and our strange interaction… it’s too much.

“You go and get dressed,” Ivy insists. “Then me and Adam will come and pick you up to go to the carnival because I’m not having you go alone. Now, more than ever, you need back up.”

I rise from my seat and smile thinly at her. As I thank her, I want to blurt out that I don’t just need her protection at the carnival, but at my home too because he’s there as well. Next door. There is no escaping him no matter what I do. But she might offer for me to stay with her and Adam and I don’t want to be a burden. They are so kind and would do anything for me, but I don’t want to be that friend… the one who needs endless help.

So, instead, I hold my head high while I am in her sight and don’t let the fear get to me until I am around the corner and out of view from the hair dressing shop. Then, my shoulders roll forwards and my eyes hit the ground. My heart thunders so painfully in my chest that it could burst my ragged lungs and explode free from my chest. Ivy has given me a lot to think about when it comes to Seth, things that I haven’t really considered. I mean, he seems like himself, but he could not be. He might be a massive asshole. Just because I haven’t changed much doesn’t mean that he’s the same. I mean, I stayed here, didn’t I? I have kept the same life, whereas he has been through all sorts of things. He’s had a life which I can’t even begin to imagine. That I haven’t even thought of. The lights, the glamor, the parties, the fun… I bet it’s been incredible. Not boring and uneventful like mine.

Oh God, and the women in those pictures… those beautiful women that literally come from the pages of magazines. And he has seen them naked. Oh God, my body is nothing compared to theirs. The dreams might be all fun and games, but in reality, it would be a different story. I would be so paranoid. Not the ideal situation for me. Not that it matters, it won’t make any difference because it isn’t happening. It will never happen. He isn’t going to come for me, is he? No way. Not anymore. He had a chance six years ago and fucked it up because he didn’t even call me.

I need to look my

best. It might not make any difference, but I want to at least be as gorgeous as I can be to show him that I’m not affected by him, that I’m not bothered at all. That’s only a façade that I need to keep up for a little while longer until he goes home. Then if I need to, I can crumble. I can fall apart and then with the help of Ivy, pick myself back up again. Who knows, it might even be closure for me and I can finally move on from Seth Bishop, something that I definitely should have done a long time ago.

Chapter Nine

Seth

December 24th

I spin around and soak it all in, every bit of the Christmas carnival atmosphere, loving it. Why the hell haven’t I been here every single year? Why have I chosen places filled with people who I barely know and don’t care about? I did it to keep my career rolling, when I should have been here at home where everything feels right. Now, this is Christmas. This is the Christmas that I have always wanted, that really feels festive. It hasn’t stopped being Christmassy because I grew up and didn’t have anything to love about it anymore… it’s because I haven’t been at home. I haven’t been here, for this.

I smile, and I vow to make every holiday here from now on. And not just for me, but for my father as well. He’s lit up since I have been here, transformed back into the happier version of himself, which makes me think that he’s shut down over the last few years. Secluded in a lonely bubble because I haven’t been around. That sucks. He has already had one person that he loves walking out on him. He doesn’t need me to do the same.

So, while I can’t give up LA and Hollywood because it’s my dream come true, I also need to make some time for what’s important. Time for friends, time for my family, time for the life that I miss more than anything I know.

“This is awesome, isn’t it?” Benji laughs as he hands me a warm festive beer in a plastic cup. “I’m so glad that you’re here. It’s been awesome having you around again. Especially since Freddie and the others have gone back home. They didn’t want to stick around for the holiday, which is fine…”