Secret Desires (Roughshod Rollers MC 4)

I glance at Ethan. He looks shocked. At least he doesn’t look angry. Then, suddenly, he laughs.

“I didn’t talk to you about my concerns or about the loan because I didn’t want you to try and offer me the money,” he tells me. He snorts. “But you were going and doing it all on your own, anyway.”

It’s ironic when he puts it like that. I can’t help but giggle; we’re both really stupid, sometimes.

“I can help you find a nice one, when you’re ready; I know you don’t know much about computers,” I offer.

“I’m not sure I will be ready,” Ethan says gloomily. “There’s no way I can afford it. And, you and Kyle are right; a loan isn’t the best way to go. I’ll have to put it back for years, and I can’t afford to do that, either. We’re only just getting by as it is, and I’m only able to save a few dollars a week sometimes.”

“I’ll loan you the money,” I say. “It’ll be no different to getting a loan from the bank, right? You’ll just be paying me back instead…without interest.”

“You know, Kyle said almost exactly the same thing,” Ethan says, bemused. “He offered me all his savings, but I refused and called him a coward because he still hasn’t asked Allison to move in with him.” He hesitates. “Then…he came up with the idea of everyone

putting a little money in. It’d mean me having to pay everyone back bit by bit, but he said everyone would like the idea…”

“They would!” I say, lighting up. “It’s the perfect solution, Ethan! That way, none of us are giving you a lot of money, which I know you don’t want, but we can all contribute to buy this computer! Come on, everyone loves Lily to pieces, and we know that the both of you need to replace that piece of crap you’re still trying to use. Let us do this for you?”

“I haven’t decided,” Ethan says. “Let me think on it for a minute.”

Well, he could think about it. And while he does that, I’m going to present the idea to everyone else. We’re going to give him the money he needs, even if we have to force it on him!

“Sounds good,” I agree.

Ethan laughs. It’s a small sound, but it’s genuine, and I’m pleased, because talking about this has finally driven thoughts of Polly and her visit out of his mind. There’s still her visit on the weekend to worry about, but he’s crossed one hurdle. For now, he needs to just ignore it and wait to see what happens.

As I laugh with him, however, I can’t help but feel a niggling ball of dread in the pit of my stomach as I remember Ethan’s paranoid musings. Because, even if I soothed Ethan’s mind, there’s a part of me that isn’t sure about Polly’s intentions, either.

Chapter Thirteen

Ethan

I wake up on Saturday morning to three messages. The first is from Grant.

“U good 4 painting 2day?”

I groan at it. Why do they always organize these things on days when I’m busy? On top of that, it’s hard to get a babysitter on such short notice, especially if Georgia has other plans. I glance at the next one, which is from Georgia.

“Want to hang today?”

I smile. No doubt Georgia is worried about how anxious I’ll be with Lily on her outing with Polly today. Having company would be nice.

The third message, however, is from Polly.

My first, wild hope is that she’s canceling. Lily will be disappointed, but there’ll be nothing I can do about it. Maybe then Georgia and I can take her to lunch to make up for it. The message, however, isn’t a cancelation, but an unexpected question.

“Would you like to come to the park with Lily and I?”

What? I stare at the question. Why does Polly want me to come out with her and our daughter? For a moment, I’m confused. And then, slowly, the reason dawns on me.

Polly is nervous.

Of course, she should be. She didn’t just abandon me, she also abandoned Lily. She doesn’t know how much Lily is looking forward to this. I start typing a message, telling her that Lily is looking forward to the day and that there’s no reason to be anxious about being alone with her for a few hours.

Then I pause. If I go with them, then I don’t have to be anxious. Isn’t this a win-win situation? I doubt Lily will mind if I come along. In fact, she’ll be ecstatic; in her mind, it will be a proper, family outing, the type she’s always longed to have.

Before I know what I’m doing, I send a message back.

“Sounds good.”