Secret Desires (Roughshod Rollers MC 4)

Ethan pants out a breathy laugh and moves another little bit. He’s so close to being completely inside me. I lock my legs around his waist and drag him in, slamming him the rest of the way into my body and making us both moan.

“Don’t be impatient,” Ethan says. “We’re just getting started.”

That means he plans to keep teasing me. His fingers dig into my hips and I scrape my nails helplessly against his shoulders as he slowly pulls out and then wriggles back inside. It’s not enough. Having him inside me is amazing, but I need more. I need to feel him.

“Please, Ethan,” I half sob.

I throw my head back, so I don’t see the smile that curves at Ethan’s lips. I do feel it however, when he pulls back and then his hips snap forward with enough force to make me jerk, my body pulling him in deeply. He strikes that spot that makes my vision darken for a second, and I cry out, not expecting the sudden change in pace.

Then he’s thrusting, his hips punching back and forth into me. I try to meet his thrusts, but he keeps striking that sweet spot, and I can’t do more than writhe on the bed, helpless under the waves of pleasure battering at me. Sweat is pouring down Ethan’s face, and I know neither of us are going to last much longer now, but I’m determined to drag everything from this before it’s over.

It’s close, though. Spots are appearing in front of my eyes, and my body is trembling with need and exhaustion. I cling desperately to Ethan’s shoulders, wanting to feel him as, finally, an orgasm crashes over me. He thrusts twice more before his body shudders again and he comes with me, both of us falling helplessly over the edge. I’m dimly aware of him pulling out of me and slumping down onto the bed beside me, breathing heavily.

My heart is thundering like I’ve just run a marathon. I’m completely exhausted after that. But it was absolutely amazing. Far better than any time we’ve been together so far. This time was because we both wanted it.

But now reality has to set in.

Ethan lays beside me. His arm is brushing against mine. I want to curl against his side, but I’m not sure if I’m allowed to. Now that the adrenalin and lust are draining away, I can’t help but wonder what will happen next.

Hearing Ethan say that he was falling for me…my mind just stuttered to a complete halt. But then he realized what he had said and tried to ask me to forget he’d said it. How could I possibly forget it? He had just said the one thing I had been hoping to hear for years.

There was no way I could let him get away with trying to ignore it.

I hadn’t meant to jump him. But something animalistic and possessive had come over me at that moment. Ethan had feelings for me. For the first time, he was mine. Somehow, I had to make him know that. So I grabbed him and pushed him into admitting that he wanted me. After that, there was no stopping me.

Does he resent me? My heart clenches. For the first time, I feel like I really took advantage of Ethan. He made it clear that he wasn’t ready for this. But I couldn’t let him get away, not after so long. Now, though, that the cloud of hope has faded from my eyes, I think I’ve acted rashly.

“Ethan?” I ask.

Ethan doesn’t say anything at first. Then, slowly, he turns to look at me. His expression is unreadable. I swallow a lump in my throat. Is he angry?

“All good?” I ask.

He blinks.

“Yeah,” he says roughly. “I think so.”

His hand brushes against mine. And then he shifts so he’s lying close to me, his shoulder and my shoulder pressed together. My heart misses a beat, and I look up at him.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen next,” he murmurs. “Part of me just wants to pretend tonight didn’t happen so we can go back to normal.”

I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to do that, not now that I’ve gotten a taste of what it feels like to be loved by Ethan. If Ethan breaks my heart tonight, then that will be it for us, I think. I’ll have to leave, because staying would be too painful.

But I don’t say this. I don’t want to guilt him into giving me the answer that I want. That wouldn’t be fair. So, instead, I’m just watching him, searching his face for some sign of what he’s thinking now.

“I don’t know what to do,” he says.

“Can I make a suggestion?” I ask.

“Anything,” Ethan promises.

I hesitate, and then slowly curl against him, pressing my naked body against his side. I’m too tired to feel any sort of lust. Instead, I feel warm and comfortable as his arm hesitantly winds around me, pulling me closer.

“Don’t run,” I say. I press a soft kiss to his shoulder. “I know it’s frightening, but please don’t run from this. I’ll never do to you what Polly did.”

He doesn’t say anything for a long moment, and I almost think he isn’t going to. Then…

“I know,” he says softly.