Inseparable

“I want to believe you,” she whispered. “I want so much to believe that’s true but I’m terrified that as soon as I do, you will be gone again.”

I leaned forward, not wanting her to keep talking, not wanting her to feel even an ounce of doubt about my feelings for her. I kissed her lips softly and pulled back, looking deep in her eyes. She was conflicted, I could tell, and that broke my heart. I didn’t realize until that moment just how much damage I had really done to her with my selfish antics.

“I promise that I will never ever leave you again,” I said with my eyes locked on hers. “You and Seth are my world now. You will be for the rest of my life.”

She kissed me quickly and wiped the tears from her eyes.

“I love you too,” she cried happily. “I’ve loved you since the first night we were ever together. There hasn’t been anyone since you and I don’t want anyone else in my life.”

“Casey,” I said, sighing. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“Thank you for giving me the gift of you. Thank you for giving me your virginity. Thank you for creating the most amazing little life and nourishing and nurturing him when I wasn’t here. Thank you for loving me so much that you never gave up on me, and thank you for being the most amazing light in my life,” I said, wiping her tears away. “You have brought me through more than you know and I owe you a lifetime of gratitude for that. I can’t make you believe me but I can tell you. I promise to never leave again without telling you what is going on. I promise to treat Seth and you with the love and care that you guys both deserve so very much. I promise to spend my days creating a life and family for us that you always dreamed of. Seth is the most important person in my life now and I want him to have the best opportunities that are out there. I promise to teach him, guide him, and be the man my father was to me. At the same time, I promise to support you, push you, protect you, and treat you like the amazing woman you are.”

“I’ve waited a really long time to hear you say that,” she said, leaning forward and kissing my lips.

I finally could feel the weight of life lifting from my shoulders and evaporating above us. I stared at this beautiful woman in my bed and I swore to myself that I would never let her down again. Seth and Casey were my world now and I couldn’t wait to build our life together. Everything was so completely different but at the same time, it was so completely perfect. More perfect than I ever thought it could be.

Chapter 20: Casey

It felt good to be back at my mother’s house for the holidays. It had been a year since Dex came back into our lives and I couldn’t imagine anything turning out more perfect. Seth and I had moved into the penthouse shortly after Dex and I decided to be a family, and though it was beautiful and huge, we decided to keep with tradition and come stay at my mother’s house for Christmas Eve. Natalie and Brandon were going to come over too, so we could celebrate the holidays together. I had actually just seen Natalie a few weeks before when she came to the penthouse to help me pull all their old decorations down. I knew how much Dex loved it when his parents would decorate the house so Natalie and I surprised him by doing the same. I’ll never forget his face when he walked in the door to see the place looking like a winter wonderland. He even decided to throw a cocktail party for all our friends and his colleagues like his parents used to do. We sat around drinking wine, enjoying everyone’s company, and watching the kids run around the house with the new toys Dex bought for them. Seth was definitely having a ball and with so many people around, it forced him away from his usually shy behavior.

I pushed the last present underneath the

already packed Christmas tree and stood back laughing at how crazy this Christmas was going to be. Last year was great because of all the thoughtful gifts Dex got Seth but this year I was actually able to get my mom some things I knew she would really love. She deserved it after spending years helping me take care of Seth. When we moved out, I really got the feeling that she missed taking care of him, so instead of hiring a nanny like Dex suggested, I would take Seth to my mom’s before work every day. She was thrilled to have the time with him. Dex didn’t want me to worry about working but I felt better knowing I was doing something. Dex’s fortune was his, not mine to use as I pleased and he was already doing so much to take care of this family. Besides, now that I wasn’t so worried and stressed, I actually found a way to enjoy my job.

When I was done straightening the tree, I took a sip of the eggnog my mom made for us and tiptoed down the hall. I could hear Dex’s voice coming from Seth’s room, which was twinkling with Christmas lights. I peeked around the corner and leaned against the wall, watching as Dex tucked Seth into bed and then sat down next to him to read The Night Before Christmas. Seth pulled the covers up to his chin and laid his hand on Dex’s leg as he read to him.

“‘This was the night before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse. The stockings were hung by the chimney with care in hopes that St. Nicholas soon would be there,” he read.

“That’s Santa,” Seth said, yawning.

“That’s right buddy,” Dex said before he continued. “The children were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sugar plums danced in their heads. Ma in her kerchief and I in my cap had just settled down for a long winter's nap.”

Dex looked up at me as Seth’s eyes began to close. He smiled that dazzling and charming smile I knew and loved. Immediately, my heart melted into a hundred pieces and I backed away, hearing him continue as I walked out into the living room. I sat down and took in a deep breath, thinking about how lucky I was to have these people in my life. My mother had just finished baking cookies and ran down to the Mission, my son was falling into a magical Christmas Eve slumber, and my boyfriend was spending time with his son, loving him and nurturing him. And I, well I was relaxing for the first time in a long time, thinking about how lucky I was to have ended up here. Just six years before, this couch was the backdrop to what would become one of the most amazing but difficult events in my life.

I couldn’t believe how much everything had changed since then. Just thinking about who Dex was six years ago and comparing him to the man he was now, I could barely recognize the young guy seducing the young girl on Christmas Eve night so many years ago. I laughed to myself as Dex appeared around the corner, closing the book and setting it back on the shelf. He stretched his arms up over his head and I stood, walking over and wrapping mine around his waist. He was so warm and comforting. It was definitely nice to be in this place, standing together in my childhood home. I hugged him tightly before walking us back over to the couch. He pulled me gently into his arms. We snuggled under the glow of the Christmas tree, smelling the cookies warm out of the oven.

“Seth is out.” Dex chuckled. “I think he had too much pie and crashed hard.”

“Good.” I sighed. “Maybe he won’t wake us at three in the morning.”

“Yeah, right.” Dex laughed. “Not with those presents under the tree.”

“I was just thinking about our first Christmas Eve here in this house,” I said.

“Oh, yeah?”

“Mmhmm,” I replied, drinking my eggnog. “The night that started all of this.”

“The best night of my life, even if I didn’t realize it then,” he replied, kissing the top of my head. “That Hazelnut liqueur though, I’ll never be able to drink it again.”

“Oh, god.” I cringed. “I think I just vomited in my mouth a little.”

We both laughed at the thought of that night and sipped our drinks, sitting comfortably next to each other. I couldn’t help but feel extremely happy for the time I was getting to spend with Dex. I knew he could have made another choice and be somewhere across the world right now. Instead, he chose us, he chose to stay here and build a life with Seth and me, something that I would never ever take for granted. Things were so perfect it was hard to remember all the lonely nights I spent in this house, pining for Dex and feeling completely heartbroken. Everything was so familiar but at the same time felt completely different with the bask of love that now covered our lives. Dex pulled me in and squeezed me harder, kissing my head and obviously thinking about the same thing as me.

The sounds of Christmas music played lightly in the background and though we sat silently, we did it together, feeling how close we had grown. Dex went from the man I couldn’t keep my hands off, to the man I loved, and ultimately to my best friend, though I’d never tell Natalie that. I finally had a real family like I dreamed of long before Seth ever came into the picture. It was more than I could have hoped for and I never, not even for a moment, took it for granted. I knew, with my father’s death, Dex’s parent’s deaths, and everything I went through over the last six years that you should be happy and really cherish the people you love because you never know when it could be gone in the blink of an eye.