The One who got Away

As she moves from me to try and figure out what she’s going to do I collapse onto the couch in agony. This isn’t supposed to be happening yet, I still have a couple of weeks. I wanted to work right up until the very end for the money, but now it seems that the end has come already.

I’m about to be a Mom. I’m about to really have these babies... all by myself.

“Oh my God.” I feel a popping sensation and then a weirdly warm water drips down my legs. This is too quick. I don’t know much about giving birth because I haven’t done it before but I know my waters shouldn’t have broken already. This is wrong, I need to be in a hospital quickly before I get some sort of infection. “Jenny, I need to go. We need to get to the hospital right now.”

She tucks her hands under my armpits and pulls me into a standing position. It’s hard because my body is resistant, but eventually we manage it. She gets me standing and calls a cab, all the while my body and my mind is a hot mess. I ache everywhere, bolts of agony shoot right through me, my mind is full of confusing thoughts.

The main one I think is I cannot do this alone.

“Jenny, I need him,” I tell her weakly. “I need him.”

“Him?” She guides me towards the door. “Him who?”

“Ben.” I know it’s wrong, but I can’t help myself. I want him by my side, I don’t want to be the one to blame for him missing the birth of his twins. If he doesn’t come, that’s his own choice. But it cannot be my fault. “I know what I said before, but I think he needs to be here.”

“Let’s get you into the cab first, then I’ll call.”

Things move in a blur, I don’t even know what’s happening. I sort of remember climbing into a cab, and I vaguely remember listening to Jenny on the call to Ben, but I don’t recall anything that was said, and I also remember arriving at the hospital but I don’t recall coming into a room or putting on a hospital gown.

“Did you dress me, Jenny?” I ask once the contractions stop for just a moment. “I didn’t put this on, did I?”

“I helped,” she admits. “But I didn’t do it. To be honest after witnessing this I don’t want to do any of it. You’ve really put me off having children ever. I don’t think I’ll have sex ever again.”

“Yeah, me neither.” My fingers grip to the edge of the bed as I rock back and forth on my feet. They keep telling me to get into the bed but I know that I can’t. The agony is too damn much. “Fucking hell, this hurts...”

“I’m sorry.” Holy fuck, is that Ben’s chocolaty voice? I spin to look at him with wide, shocked eyes. “That’s my fault.”

Jenny waits for a moment, flickering her eyes between us two, then she stands up to make a move. “I think I’ll leave you two alone. I’m sure you have a lot to talk about.”

Yeah, about seven months worth of stuff, but I honestly don’t think any of that will come out now. I can’t even think straight, never mind speak. This pain... it might just freaking kill me. And if it does, the first thing I’ll do is murder Ben for doing this to me.

What an asshole.

“Can I come in?” he asks sheepishly. “Is it okay for me to be here?”

“Argh,” I grown in sheer agony. “Yes, it’s fine, whatever. Just get over here and rub my back already. I need you.”

Chapter Twenty Five – Ben

She needs me, that’s all I’ve wanted to hear ever since I first started getting my act together. She needs me. Serena is letting me in at the most crucial part of our babies lives. That has to mean something, even if it isn’t forgiveness.

“What do you need?” I ask, all business. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”

“I don’t know,” she whimpers while leaning over the bed. “I don’t know it just hurts all over. Like, literally everywhere. I’ve never felt anything like it before.”

“Okay, okay. Do you need a nurse?” I can already feel myself starting to panic. I promised myself that I wouldn’t, but already I’m a fucking mess. “What do we need?”

She grips onto my hands so tight that I fear she might crack my fingers in half and she screams. The sounds rips from her very soul and shreds the room to pieces. It’s absolutely terrifying. “I don’t know, I just need you to help me.”

As she collapses into my arms, all weak and covered in sweat, I feel like I’m exactly where I’m meant to be. This is where I should have been all along, with Serena, helping her through this. I can’t believe I allowed my fear of my business failing, despite the fact that it’s really far away from that, allow me to push the most important person in my life away from me. I’m an idiot, I deserve to lose it all. I’m just glad it hasn’t worked out like this. If Serena gives me another try right now I’m going to throw my heart and soul into it and never fuck up again.

“I’m really sorry, Serena,” I say in a rush of emotion. “I know I’ve been a bad person, and I know that I’ve never deserved you, and honestly...”

“Shut up, Ben,” she snaps back through gritted teeth. “Now really isn’t the time.”

She’s right, I know she’s right. How could I ever think about bringing this up right now? What an idiot. I’ve just told myself that I wouldn’t screw up again and right off the bat I have.

“Sorry, Serena, honestly I don’t know...”