The One who got Away

I walked lifelessly back to the car, shock seeping into my system. Ronni took the keys from me and hopped into the driver’s seat, seeing that I was in no shape to drive. As we moved through the streets, I sat in silence, staring out the window. I wished I could say my mind was full of thoughts, but all I could feel was an emptiness inside. When we got back home, Ronni and I sat down on the couch. She wrapped her arms around me and kissed me on the forehead. I could feel her love surging through me, and it helped me push forward. Had she not been there in that moment, I probably would have just sat there, staring at nothing, letting my mind go in all directions. She always knew exactly what to say. She always had good advice, and in that moment, that was exactly what I needed.

“Help me,” I said, leaning into her. “Tell me what to do. I don’t know what the right move is here. Should I just jump back in and take charge, forgetting all the terrible things that my father and brother have done to me? Should I turn my back and walk away from my family just like they did to me? Neither one of those choices seems like the right one. My father just told me he is dying, and I am supposed to be able to think clearly enough to make a life-altering the decision? I can’t blame my father for having cancer, but it’s just like him to drop something like this on me without giving me any options. I am completely at a loss, Ronni.”

“First,” she said, rubbing her hands through my hair. “You need to take a deep breath. Remember how calm we felt lying on the beaches in Hawaii. Remember how important it is to really understand what you are facing and not go forward emotionally. You are an amazing man with an amazing future. You just need to figure out what future you want. Take a deep breath and sit there for a moment. I want you to really hear what I have to say, and right now, you can only hear what’s in your own head.”

I closed my eyes and focused on Ronni’s fingers running through my hair. I took in deep breaths, imagining the crystal blue waters and white sandy beaches we’d been forced to leave behind. I thought about our wedding day and how beautiful Ronni looked walking through the sand, holding a small bouquet of flowers. I thought about the feeling I had when we were finally confirmed as husband and wife. All of these things had just happened recently, but they were the best things to ever happen to me. I could feel my heartbeat begin to slow, and my mood begin to shift. Slowly, I opened my eyes and nodded at Ronni.

“You know just as well as I do, especially from your mother, how important family is to your life,” she said. “You have seen firsthand how different things are when you have a strong family relationship versus a bad one. That being said, not all family relationships are healthy, nor do all family relationships end well. We have seen time and time again how relationships with toxic people can bring you down with them. That’s why I don’t have a lot of close people in my life. I never want to be put in a situation where my life ends up a certain way because I got dragged down by someone who never really cared in the first place.”

“But how do I know if this is one of those situations?”

“Not everything is black and white,” she said softly. “This is one of those times where everything is not as it seems. You need to take some time and really think about it. Take the emotion and put it to the side and really dive into the inner workings of who you are. You need to think long and hard what you want out of your life, and where you want to go in the future. Not everything is about the here and now. Many things are about how the here and now affects the future.”

“But shouldn’t I be thinking of more than just what I want? Shouldn’t I be thinking about what my father wants, too?”

“What people want and what people need can often be two different things,” she whispered. “Sometimes when you take the time to really think about things, you realize that what is best may not be the most ideal choice for everyone. But, if they are given that as their only option, in the end, they will find that what is best turned out to be the right decision. You might be surprised how similar those decisions are between you and your father. You need to decide what kind of future you envision for your life.”

“You’re all I want in life,” I responded, smiling up at her.

“And I will always be here, no matter what path you choose,” she replied with a grin. “Remember that when two people get into a relationship, they don’t just magically become one person. What makes a relationship strong is having two individuals working on the things they want in life and having those things intersect. We don’t have to have the same dreams or timelines. We just have to have our lives intersect at the perfect point. When that happens, everything falls into place. Don’t think about me and us. Think about what you want. You always think about what I want, and now, it’s time to understand that no matter what choice you make, I will be right there, cheering you on the entire way. And at the end of the day, our lives will intersect, bringing us back together.”

“You are a wise woman,” I said, looking up at her and feeling much calmer. “I think I’m going to go for a walk on the beach, clear my head, and really think about things.”

“Sounds like a perfect plan,” she said, smiling. “I’m going to get dinner started so we aren’t starving in an hour.”

I stood up from the couch and kissed Ronni on the lips, walking to the door and looking back at her before I closed it behind me. I crossed the street and took my flip flops off before stepping into the moist, cool sand. It didn’t feel the same between my toes as the sand in Hawaii did, but it was still just as nice to be by the ocean when the sun was getting ready to set. The beach had always been such a big part of my life, and it was funny how I always reminisced about my mother taking me to the beach and never thought about the millions of beach trips my father would take Nick and me on. The three of us were thick as thieves, and no matter what was going on at home, or how much Nick and I fought, as soon as we were out there in the sand with our father, we were brothers to the end. Noah and I really had a strong and special relationship when I was a boy and I always was in awe by the fact that my father was so strong and so ready to always be there for us.

I really wanted to have that bond again, that feeling that no matter what life threw at us, we had each other to lean on. I just didn’t think, at this point, anything with Nick could be salvaged. As far as the company was concerned, I didn’t know if I really wanted to dive in and bring it back from the brink of disaster yet again. It would take long, hard hours repairing a company that was not even my legacy. It was my father’s. My father was smart enough with money that he didn’t need the company. He just wanted the company. My thoughts were drawn from my father as I looked ahead at a family walking through the sand. They were laughing and talking, and the dad reached down to swing his little boy up and onto his shoulders.

I stopped and watched them for a few moments, smiling as they passed. They were the perfect example of a happy family. The mom was shining brightly from her husband’s obvious love for her, and the child was carefree and happy to be with his parents. I watched as the boy clung to his father’s head, looking around in wonder at how different the world looked from that height. It was at that moment, everything faded away, and I knew exactly what my choice had to be.

Chapter Twenty Eight

Ronni

I stood there in the shop, staring out the front window, completely lost in my own thoughts. Nathan had been very quiet the last coup

le of days, and I didn’t want to push him for an answer to what was going on. The retail location was really coming along, and we had all come in today to see what we could do to get everything up and ready as fast as possible. Things were really starting to come together, and I was starting to get really excited about our future with the company.

We had already gotten several orders just from the photo shoot and handing out business cards. There were even orders placed by husbands who saw us there and wanted to get their wives something sexy for their next trip to the beach. When we had arrived this morning, there was a truck sitting outside, and we realized that it was our first shipment of suits arriving from the tailors. We immediately opened every box and sorted them by size, color, and style. We placed the stacks throughout the store, excited to get them on hangers and on the shelves. It was going to actually look like a store in here for the first time, and I couldn’t wait to stand back and soak it all in.

We grabbed a large tub of hangers and went to work, getting them hung up perfectly and uniformly, and placed neatly on the racks, with all the hangers going in the same direction. One thing I loved about working with Maria was that she was just as anal retentive as me about having everything sleek, smooth, and the least messy we could possibly get it. When you walked into a store to buy clothing, you didn’t want to have to search through loads of clothing just to find one piece that you are looking for. You want the customer to come in, pick out their favorite thing, and go right to the register to buy it. The longer they had to think, the worse off the store was.

I looked over at Maria and smiled as she pushed the first rack to the side and began working on the next color.

“Okay,” she said. “Spill it. What’s wrong with you?”

“Nathan’s dad is dying,” I said, sighing. “And Nick ran off to South America after being chased by the FBI. He was involved with some international sales he shouldn’t have been.”

“Oh, wow,” she said, looking at me with wide eyes. “That’s nuts!”

“Well, now Nathan’s father wants him to run the show again and save the company,” I replied. “But Nathan hated it when he was there, and he is having a really hard time deciding what to do while also mourning the fact that his father is dying.”

“Nathan doesn’t own anyone a damn thing,” Maria said proudly. “He has done so much for his family, and that includes giving up on his own life to make sure their legacy lived on. But that being said, he would be a damn fool to walk away from all that money.”

“Nathan has money, remember,” I said, chuckling. “He doesn’t need the money. He just feels guilty, and that is really messing him up when it comes to making a decision on where to go next.”

“You guys think too much about things,” Ronni said, laughing. “Do what’s best for the future. Put everything else to the side. I don’t know why people latch on to things in life so much. Mr. Landers, when he’s dead, is he really going to care if the company is running or not?”